To Whom Should I Write
by Princess Oats 435
Summary: “Because it’s common practice to invite the felon father of our foster son over for a polite meal?” Ryan's father comes for a visit and disrupts the peace of the Cohens. Awful summary, please give it a try
1. To whom should I write?

Okay, I haven't decided yet if I'm going to continue my other story, but while I mull that over in my head, here's a new one. I know that everyone and their mother has a fic where Ryan's father/mother returns, but what can I say? I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I like the bandwagon. I like being a follower. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. The song is by Mojave 3. I hope that you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately neither the characters nor the song belong to me. I'm just borrowing. Please don't sue. I won't hurt them.

_Where are you now?_

_Have you traveled too far?_

_And how are your dreams?_

_Have you got what you need?_

The annoying chirp of his alarm clock woke Sandy up. He quickly reached over and silenced it before it woke up his wife who was curled up against him. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on her temple before extracting himself from her without waking her up. Kirsten just moaned softly in her sleep at the lack of his warm body next to hers, and rolled over to the other side of the bed hugging a pillow in his place.

Sandy grabbed his swimming trunks and a Berkeley t-shirt and slipped into the bathroom. When he emerged from the bathroom, Kirsten was sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes and holding the sheet tightly to her.

"Good morning," he said crossing over to her and giving her a good morning kiss.

"Good morning yourself," she said as she yawned.

"I'm sorry, did I wear you out last night?" Sandy grinned wickedly and Kirsten couldn't help but mirror his grin.

"A little bit," she admitted. "I'm not quite as young as I used to be."

"But still every bit as beautiful," Sandy assured her and she blushed. "All right, I better get going."

"Okay, have fun, be careful. I love you." It was Kirsten's standard goodbye to him when he was going surfing. Have fun. Be careful. Love you.

"Love you too," he echoed as he slipped out of their bedroom. He met Seth on the way down.

"Hey, is Mom up? I forgot to get her to sign my permission slip, and you're leaving, and I promised Summer I'd meet her at school early today to help her study." Sandy nodded, and was about to send Seth up there, but remembered the clothing, or lack there of, that he had left his wife in.

"She's up. But give her a minute. She's a little...well, she's not exactly..." Seth looked at him confused. "She's naked Seth, let her get dressed." Seth's face crumpled in disgust.

"Oh gross Dad! Totally gross. Please tell me that she's naked because she's about to get in the shower." Sandy just shrugged and kept moving on down the stairs.

"Sure, if that's what you want to hear," Sandy called. "But just remember. You should be glad that your parents have a healthy sex life. I've told you this before, your mom is hot, you're going to have to come to grips with that sooner or later."

"Dad, please don't say sex," Seth told him seriously as he made the motion of gagging and waited a few minutes before knocking on his parent's bedroom door. One thing that he didn't want to see was his mother naked, sitting in the bed that she shared with his father. That was the stuff of nightmares.

It was times like this that made Seth jealous of Summer and Marissa and the fact that their parents were divorced.

_And whom do you smile?_

_Did you walk out the line?_

_Did you take what you wanted?_

_Did you take what was right?_

Sandy returned from surfing to find just Kirsten and Ryan in the kitchen. Ryan was eating breakfast before he had to go and Kirsten was finishing up a cup of coffee.

"You're home early," Kirsten commented as he walked in.

"I have a meeting this morning," he said running the towel over his head. "Seth gone already?"

"Yeah, what did you say to him? He wouldn't look me in the eye this morning," Kirsten asked. Sandy let out a big laugh at that causing Ryan to look up from the text book that he was reading.

"I just told him to wait a few minutes before walking in on you. You know Seth, he would have just walked right in, and we didn't want that," Sandy said.

"Why not?" Ryan asked. Neither answered right away. Ryan looked from Sandy to Kirsten who was blushing and then back to Sandy. It was as if a light bulb went on over his head. "Oh...ew!" Kirsten turned bright red this time and placed her cup of coffee in the sink.

"Ready to go Ryan?" She said quickly changing the subject. Ryan nodded, no longer able to eat, and grabbed his books from the table and waved goodbye to Sandy as he made his way out of the door. Sandy leaned over and gave Kirsten a kiss goodbye before whistling to himself as he went up to change for work.

_And whom do you fly with?_

_When you break out the day?_

_Whom do you cry with? _

_Whose wings do you steal?_

_To whom should I write?_

"Well, you are in a good mood this morning," Rachel commented as Sandy entered his office to find her sitting there. Sandy just laughed.

"And why shouldn't I be? It's a gorgeous morning in beautiful, sunny California, and it's a Friday," Sandy said placing his briefcase on his desk.

"You had sex last night," Rachel said pointing an accusatory finger in Sandy's direction. He just laughed once again and smiled. Things were still slightly awkward between him and Rachel ever since the night that he had left her sitting in his office while he ran to catch the yacht and apologize to Kirsten for being an ass. Thanksgiving hadn't exactly gone as planned. He had wanted Rachel to hit it off with Jimmy and then wash his hands of her. That hadn't exactly happened. Instead he spent the night holding Kirsten's hair back as she threw up the ten glasses of wine and four margaritas that she had imbibed. He had helped her into bed and placed a bowl next to her as he went to sort through the rubble that was left downstairs. Rachel was long gone by that point, choosing to make her exit when Sandy had run after the fleeing, nauseous Kirsten.

Needless to say, Sandy wasn't sure of exactly where they stood. Were they friends? Did Rachel still want to be more? Sandy certainly didn't want more. He and Kirsten were finally past their "rut" as it had been dubbed, and things were calm and settled around the Cohen household. Ryan seemed to finally be accepting his place in the family and finally realizing that he wasn't going to go anywhere. Sandy wanted to change the subject, and breathed a sigh of relief when it was Rachel who changed it for him.

"There's someone here to see you. He's been waiting for at least a half-hour," she told him standing from his chair and heading towards the door. "Should I send him in?"

"Who is he?" Sandy asked looking down at his calendar. Except for the meeting in twenty minutes, he really had nothing booked for the afternoon. Rachel shrugged.

"His first name is Dave; he didn't say his last name. He's about your age, blue eyes, blond hair? Ringing any bells?" Sandy's eyes instinctively shifted to the photograph on his desk. It was the Christmakkah card, the four sitting on the hearth in their house, Kirsten leaning up against him, and Ryan and Seth smiling with the stockings, four in total, behind them. It was his favorite picture, outweighing even the professional ones taken at the many functions that his wife dragged their family to. Blond hair. Blue eyes.

Dave Atwood.

"Send him in," Sandy finally managed to say. What was Dave Atwood doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be in prison? Sandy had looked at his record, he wasn't supposed to be out yet. Right?

"We have that meeting in twenty minutes," Rachel reminded him as she left his office. Sandy ran a hand through his hair. A minute later a man, who looked so much like his son it was actually creepy, walked into Sandy's office. Sandy buttoned his jacket and stood.

"You Sandy Cohen?" Dave asked. Sandy was happy to see that he wasn't in a jumpsuit. Dave was wearing a worn suit and a tie.

"Yes? And you are?"

"Dave Atwood. Listen, Dawn said that you're taking care of my kid." Well, Dave certainly didn't beat around the bush like his son.

"Mr. Atwood, please sit," Sandy motioned to the chairs. If Dave was going to be blunt, then Sandy would be blunt as well. "Are you out on parole? Because I have to know right now if I'm harboring a fugitive." Dave shook his head.

"I'm out on good behavior. Too many guys, not enough room in the prisons, so my parole came up a little early," Dave shrugged. "So Ryan? He staying with you?"

"Yes," Sandy answered finally taking a seat in his chair. Dave was settled across from him.

"That's what Dawn said. That his 'do-good lawyer' had him and he was up here living the good life." Dave looked around the office appreciatively. "Is he...is he doing all right?" Sandy nodded.

"He's doing great," he told him honestly. "He's getting great grades at school, and joined the soccer team. He had a job, but my wife and I felt that it was best for him to focus on school work during the year and then when summer came he could work again."

"Yeah, that's good. He was always a smart kid. Do you have a picture of him? I mean, I haven't seen him since I was....since he was eight." Sandy picked up two of the frames sitting on his desk. The Chrismakkah card was the first and the second was of Kirsten and the boys. It was taken outside at the party for her father's birthday. Kirsten, laughing, was leaning against a grinning Seth, but her head was turned to Ryan who was also laughing. Her arm was outstretched and her hand rested on his arm. They didn't even know that Sandy had taken the picture. And they really didn't know that it was framed and sitting on his desk. He handed the two frames to Dave who took both in his hands.

"The woman is my wife, Kirsten, and the kid with the goofy smile is our son Seth, and then is Ryan, of course."

"He looks almost the same," Dave said smiling. "Only he looks happy." He ran his finger over the photograph of Ryan again. "You have a beautiful family." Dave handed the pictures back to Sandy. "I just came here...I just wanted to see...I just wanted to make sure that he was okay." Dave stood up and adjusted his tie nervously. "Thank you for, well, for everything. Thanks for meeting with me."

"Listen, Dave," Sandy said standing. He didn't know if this was a bad idea, but he was going with it. "If Ryan's okay with it, why don't you come over for dinner?" Dave smiled.

"That would be great," he said nodding. Sandy handed him a card with his phone number on it.

"Call me later today and I'll let you know what Ryan says," Sandy told him.

"Okay, thanks," Dave said and he pocketed the card and disappeared from the office leaving Sandy's head reeling. Was that a bad idea? He could always take it back. He could always just say that Ryan wasn't comfortable with seeing his father again after all these years. But would that be fair to Ryan? What if he did want to see Dave?

He knew that he had very little time before his meeting, but he needed to call the one person who kept him sane. He picked up his phone and dialed the number that was so familiar to him. His wife picked up on the third ring.

"Sandy?"

"Kirsten. I don't have time to explain now, but I'll call you back after my meeting."

"Okay," Kirsten sounded confused. He couldn't blame her. "Why'd you call now then?" Sandy sighed.

"I just needed to hear your voice."

_Whose smile do you ride on?_

_While you're walking alone?_

_And whom do you think of_

_When the night is your home? _

Sandy sank into his chair after the meeting and dialed Kirsten back.

"Can we meet for lunch?" He asked.

"We haven't done that very much since you started your big fancy job," Kirsten said teasingly.

"I know, but I need to talk to you," he said. "I'll come pick you up. An hour?"

"That's fine," Kirsten told him. "I'll see you then." She paused. "Sandy?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?" He hesitated for a moment and picked up on it right away.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I'll see you in an hour?"

"Okay. I love you." He smiled.

"I love you too." He hung up and sighed.

_Is there nothing that breaks you?_

_No thought for the dead?_

_And whom should I think of _

_When closing the door? _

He arrived at Kirsten's office an hour later. She finished up the document that she was working on and grabbed her purse and jacket. Sandy stood leaning against her door watching her. Kirsten was amazed at the change in her husband from that morning. When she had left he looked relaxed and happy, and the man standing in her doorway looked as if he had aged quite a bit in the past three hours.

She crossed over to him and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the hug, grateful for it, and kissed her forehead and closed his eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Let's go," he said taking her hand in his as they left the office. They drove in silence to the Crab Shack and grabbed a table near the corner where it was a little quieter.

"What's the matter Sandy?" She asked.

"Ryan's father came to see me this morning," he told her. She gasped.

"The one that's supposed to be in jail?"

"Parole," Sandy explained. "He wanted to see how he was doing. I...I invited him over for dinner, Kirsten. Providing, of course, that it was what Ryan wanted." She had a look of shock etched on her face as he had expected.

"You did what?"

"I invited him over for dinner. It seemed the right idea at the time."

"Because it's common practice to invite the felon father of our foster son over for a polite meal?"

"Kirsten...if Ryan wants to see him, I think that we should have him over for dinner. Let Ryan see him again on his own turf." She seemed to be thinking it over in her head because she was silent for a few minutes. Sandy shifted in his seat expectantly.

"We won't pressure him into anything that he doesn't want to do," Kirsten finally said. "If Ryan says no, then the answer is no. If he wants to see his father, then fine, you're right, it should be at our house where we can protect him." Sandy nodded, reaching across the table to take her slender hand in his.

"I love you, do you know that?" He said softly.

"I know," she gave him a small smile. "We'll talk to him after school today." Sandy nodded. "I'm serious Sandy. It's completely up to him. If he doesn't want to see him, then he doesn't. Understand?"

"I understand," he said after a minute. Kirsten knew him too well. She knew that Sandy felt that Ryan should talk to his father and would have pushed Ryan into seeing him. She knew that Sandy would push Ryan until he saw his way; he had done it to her too many times before. Sandy was quite persuasive when he wanted to be. It made him the great lawyer that he was.

_Yeah, whom should I think of?_

_Which smile should I ride on? _

_To whom should I write?_

Sandy decided to talk to Ryan that night. Seth was babbling about some game on X-Box, and Ryan was nodding, not really listening to the words coming out of Seth's mouth, but was at least pretending for Seth's benefit. Sandy was pretty sure that Seth would keep talking even if Ryan wasn't pretending to listen. Seth just liked to make noise was what it came down to.

"Ryan? Can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

"Dude, what did you do?" Seth asked looking from his father to his pseudo brother. "And Dad, if this is about the pool filter, let me be the first to defend Ryan and tell you that I take full responsibility for that."

"Ryan's not in trouble, we just need to talk," Sandy said as Ryan stood and followed him into the kitchen. Sandy poked his head back around the corner to focus his eyes on Seth. "But we will be talking about that pool thing later." Ryan took a seat on one of the stools and noticed that Sandy had set out three cups of coffee. Sandy always made coffee when something was wrong. He felt that things could be more calmly and rationally discussed if each person was clutching something hot in their hands.

Kirsten hurried in and dropped her briefcase on the table and shrugged out of her jacket as she gave Sandy a kiss hello. She spotted the mugs and knew that Sandy hadn't started the talk yet without her.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Ryan asked curious as to why they wanted to speak to him. Sandy had decided blunt was the best option.

"Your father came to see me today. He's out on parole." Sandy let that information sink in before continuing. "He wants to see you. We were thinking that if you wanted to see him too, we'd have him over for dinner. That way we're here to protect you and it's somewhere where you feel safe." Ryan was silent for a few minutes, and it was finally Kirsten who spoke up.

"Honey, is that something that you want to do? Do you want to see him?" She asked the question gently. "Because you don't have to. And if you want to, that's fine too. It's totally up to you. Whatever you decide is what we'll go with." He seemed to think her words over, and Sandy could see the wheels working in his head. They both waited silently for Ryan to reply. He said it softly, so softly that Sandy almost didn't hear him and register the words, but a second later Ryan repeated them, more forcefully and louder the second time.

"I would like to see him."

_To whom should I write?_

_To whom should I write?_

Okay, there's the first chapter, please review and let me know what you think so far. Cause that would be awesome! And you're all awesome people!


	2. Is there nothing that breaks you?

Okay, thanks so much for reviewing last time! You really are super duper awesome people! So here is the next chapter, I hope that you enjoy and continue to review. I'm supposed to be packing right now, because I leave for school Friday, but...um, well, I'm not. I'm doing this instead. I'll pay for it later when I'm throwing things haphazardly into boxes, so you all better appreciate this, haha. I'm the queen of procrastination, and you are benefiting from that. Oh, and sorry about the TTTTTTT, but nothing else works, grr.

Disclaimer: Right, characters. Not mine.

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Sandy felt Kirsten tossing and turning next to him the entire night. About three, when he just couldn't lie in bed anymore, he climbed to his feet to look out the window at the pool house. He was not surprised to find Ryan's light on.

"Is he still awake?" Although Sandy knew that Kirsten was still awake, the sigh every few minutes was a dead give-away, it still startled him to hear her voice in the silence that had taken over their house. Seth, the only one asleep, was also the only one who knew nothing about Ryan's father's reappearance. They felt it better that they tell him the next day, knowing their son as well as they did, they knew that he would bombard Ryan with questions that Ryan wasn't ready to answer yet. Kirsten had suggested giving Ryan a night to digest this before springing the ever inquisitive Seth at him and Sandy had agreed.

"His lights are on," Sandy said sighing as he ran a hand over his face, as he always did when things were too much for him to think about. Kirsten recognized the sign and made a move over to him. "Are we doing the right thing? Inviting him over for dinner?" She threw her legs over the side of the bed and came up behind her husband, wrapping her arms around him. She rested her head on his back.

"I don't know," she finally answered. "I don't know if there is a right thing in this situation." Sandy turned around and hugged her tightly to him. "Ryan said that he would like to see him, and I think we have to obey his wishes, and I for one would feel much better that we do it here than on Dave's terms."

"I know," Sandy said. "And I know that I was the one who suggested meeting with him, but I can't help but wondering if it would have been better if I had let Dave leave without suggesting that he see his son again. Let Ryan live a normal life for once, and pretend that his father is still safely tucked away for another three to five years in a minimum security prison no where near him. But then I think that I did the right thing, that Ryan should have the option of seeing his father again if he wanted to. I can't decide if I'm in the right or the wrong here, babe, and that's killing me." Kirsten knew that he wasn't exaggerating. Not knowing if he had done the right thing was probably bothering him a whole hell of a lot. Her husband always tried to follow his moral compass, and most of the time he succeeded. Of course there was that time with Kirsten's Uncle Shawn where he disobeyed what he knew to be the right thing, but that had been different. His wife had been involved. Sandy would do anything for her, for all his family. Ryan included. Which was why he was so torn on his decision to let Ryan choose for himself. Sometimes Sandy thought that Ryan really just wanted someone else to choose for him, step up, be the adult, and let him off the hook. And if that was the case here, then Sandy had failed him.

Sandy would have to call Dave the next day and set up the date for dinner. He sighed one more time and turned back to the window, reluctantly releasing his wife. She kissed the back of his neck, and headed back to their bed to spend some more time tossing and turning until her alarm went over in a little over three hours.

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Sandy made the phone call the next day right after lunch. Dave answered on the third ring and Sandy nervously cleared his throat.

"Mr. Atwood?"

"Yeah?"

"This is Sandy Cohen." He wasn't sure if he needed to explain beyond that, and was relieved when Dave responded with a surprised.

"Hey! I didn't think you were going to call, I mean, I had hoped that you would, but I didn't hold any false hopes, you know, because I wasn't sure that Ryan would want to see me again. That's why you're calling right? You talked to Ryan?" Sandy, in his two conversations with Dave Atwood had already caught on to the fact that Ryan's silence had not been inherited from his father. The man was a rambler. He could rival Seth any day. Or himself for that matter. He had sometimes envied Kirsten's more reserved and quiet nature. It stopped her from saying things that she would later regret.

"Yes, my wife and I talked to Ryan, and he would like to see you, but we thought it would be better if it was on his turf, so we were wondering if you would like to come to dinner at our house?" It came out in one long sentence in one long breath and Sandy realized that he sounded more like Seth than the great lawyer he was supposed to be.

"That would be great," Dave told him.

"Great," Sandy echoed. "Tomorrow okay with you?" Ryan had wanted to get it done and over with as soon as possible and both Kirsten and Sandy had agreed, wanting to have some nights where they could actually sleep.

"Tomorrow's good," Dave said. Sandy gave him the address and they decided on seven and hung up. Sandy immediately picked the phone up after setting it down and dialed Kirsten's number.

"Kirsten Cohen," she answered.

"Hey honey."

"Sandy! How did the phone call go?" She knew why he was calling. They had gone to lunch again that day, but had avoided at all costs discussing the current situation. Only once had it been brought up, when Kirsten asked if he had called yet, and he said that he was going to after lunch. That had been it. They had kissed goodbye, and she had hugged him a little longer than she usually did for support and then he went back to his office to face the task at hand.

"It was fine. He's coming over tomorrow night at seven," Sandy told her. He left the unspoken question hang in the air. Are we still doing the right thing? "You know we can still call and cancel." Kirsten's end was silent for a minute, and Sandy thought that she might be contemplating his offer.

"No," she finally said. "We can't. Ryan wants to see him."

"Okay." They talked a little longer until Caleb burst into her office and she said a hurried goodbye and hung up. Sandy was left on his own trying to get some work done.

He knew that it was impossible. Nothing else was going to be on his mind until then. Giving up around four, he left the office and headed to his car. He drove to Seth and Ryan's school and saw the soccer team being let out of practice. He beeped once and Ryan saw him and said goodbye to Luke and started to jog over to the car.

"Want a ride home?" Sandy asked rolling down the window.

"Sure," Ryan shrugged and opened the door to the backseat and threw his stuff in before climbing into the passenger seat. "Not that I'm not grateful for not having to walk or bum a ride, but why are you here?"

"I left work early," it was Sandy's turn to shrug. "Wasn't getting much done." Ryan just nodded.

"I couldn't concentrate in class today," he admitted. Sandy was surprised, but quite pleased that Ryan would admit something like that to him. "When's he coming?" There was no lead in to the conversation; there was no asking who Ryan meant. Sandy understood.

"Tomorrow. Around seven. Kirsten is going to order in from Lulu's," Sandy said. Lulu's. Ryan's favorite. He just nodded.

"It's a good thing that she's not trying to cook. We'd kill him just as he was getting his freedom," Ryan was trying to joke, but Sandy knew that it was a failed attempt to lighten the mood. To make Sandy believe that he wasn't as nervous as he really was.

"Yeah," Sandy played along forcing a small laugh. "Good thing."

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Kirsten placed the second earring in her ear. She studied her reflection in the mirror. She sighed one last time and headed towards the door. As soon as she had stepped out of her bedroom, the doorbell rang and she hurried downstairs. She arrived in the front hall just as Sandy was about to open the door.

Her first reaction was the same as Sandy's. He looked exactly like Ryan. It was actually amazing. She stepped up next to her husband.

"You found it," Sandy said forcing a smile. "Come on in. This is my wife Kirsten." Kirsten outstretched her hand and Dave took it.

"Very nice to meet you," he said politely. "And your house is amazing."

"Thank you," Kirsten said. She could do this. She could be polite. What would her father say if he knew that he had raised her so well that she was even polite to convicted felons? Her mother was probably rolling in her grave.

"Ryan's in the living room," Sandy said motioning behind him. Ryan had stood up when the doorbell had rung, but immediately sat right back down next to Seth. When Sandy began heading towards the door, he had bolted up again, only to sit right back down.

"Dude, are you all right?" Seth asked. "You're like a Jack-in-the-Box." Seth was trying to remain the calm force in the family. His mother had run around the house straightening magazines, only to come back and skew them slightly to the side again. She had changed clothes three times. His father had already had three glasses of wine, and was pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Ryan had spent the afternoon in the pool house. Marissa had been there for about an hour, but she had emerged and Ryan had not. He had only made an appearance ten minutes before, and had followed Sandy's lead and began pacing, until Seth had complained they were making him dizzy and convinced Ryan to sit and play some Playstation with him.

Sandy led the way and Ryan again hopped to his feet when he heard their voices approaching.

"Hi Ry," Dave said almost softly. "You look good." He noticed Seth, who had paused the game and was also now standing. "You must be Seth." Seth just simply nodded. "I'm Dave."

"He knows who you are," Ryan broke in. Kirsten was surprised, Ryan wasn't known for outbursts. Sandy immediately felt his stomach sink. This was a bad idea. He should have never told Ryan that his father had come by. It was a mistake. "I mean," Ryan looked embarrassed. "It's just, that he knows who you are, we all do. It's...I'm sorry." This apology was actually extended to Kirsten and Sandy and not his father. Dave just simply gave a nervous smile and nodded.

"Why don't we sit down for dinner?" Kirsten suggested breaking the tension filled silence that had overcome them.

"Great idea," Sandy said. He was certainly happy that his wife was taking charge, because he certainly didn't want to have to try. They led Dave into the dining room and Kirsten went into the kitchen to bring in the dishes. Sandy was about to open his mouth and tell Seth to go help his mother, when Ryan beat him to the punch.

"I'm going to help Kirsten," he said jumping from the table and heading into the kitchen. Seth suspected it was simply a means of getting away from everyone to collect his thoughts. Both Ryan and Kirsten reappeared a minute later holding plates of food in their hands.

"Looks wonderful Mrs. Cohen," Dave said politely.

"Oh, Mom didn't make it," Seth broke in, setting Dave straight. "She ruins grilled cheese." Kirsten scoffed.

"I can too make grilled cheese," she said offended.

"Right," Seth said to appease her. But he shook his head at Dave, who laughed. "Face it Mom, last time you made grilled cheese, you buttered the wrong side of the toast. It's why we love you."

"Among other things," Sandy broke in smiling at her. He was immensely grateful to Seth for the comic relief.

"Dad, ew, we don't want a repeat of Tuesday morning," Seth said shaking his head. "I'm going to need enough therapy as it is."

"What happened Tuesday morning?" Dave asked smiling at the teenager. He noticed that Ryan was cracking a slight smile, and figured that the best way to have his son open up was to keep the conversation light and teasing.

"Mom was in bed naked!" Seth exclaimed. "Why, I don't want to think about. Hopefully she was trying a new way of getting dressed under the covers. Like we used to do at summer camp so the other kids wouldn't see us changing. Or at least, I did that. Clearly, Dad, she's uncomfortable naked in your presence." Sandy laughed, knowing that this was a show that Seth was putting on for Ryan's benefit. He could also see that it was working. Ryan was visibly relaxing during the usual banter that overtook the Cohen dinner table.

"That hasn't been my experience," Sandy told him winking at his wife who blushed. Even Ryan had to laugh at Seth's reaction.

"Ahh! Dad! No! Stop now!" Seth pounded his fist on the table.

"Anyway, not that this discussion isn't just....wonderful," Kirsten said. Ryan had to note that his foster mother was a bright red shade that didn't seem to be fading. This fact just made the whole thing a little more enjoyable. "But can we talk about something else?" Everyone sat for a minute trying to discern a relatively safe topic. Finally Ryan just bluntly came out and said what was on everyone's minds.

"Dad, why did you come here? Why did you go to Sandy's office? Why did you come seek me out?"

"I wanted to see you. I haven't seen you since..."

"Since you were arrested?" Ryan offered. Dave dropped his head in appropriate shame. "Since you left me with Dawn and her many abusive boyfriends?" Ryan was gripping onto the dining room table for dear life and Kirsten exchanged nervous looks with Sandy.

"I wish I could change that. I wish I could take back all the things I've done, Ryan. I wish I could have been there to watch you grow up. And I came here...because...I don't want to miss anymore of your life. I know that the Cohens are providing you with things that I can't, or that your mother couldn't."

"Like a stable home?" Ryan muttered. Dave ignored and plowed forward with his speech. Sandy could see where it was headed, but hoped that he was wrong.

"But Ryan, we're family, and family should stick together." As if a lightbulb had gone off over Kirsten's head, she too realized where this was going and grabbed for Sandy's hand under the table. "I moved back in with your mother...we're going to try to make us work again...and we'd...well, we'd really like it if you could move back in with us. We'll get it right this time Ry, we'll be a family again."

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Uh-oh spaghetti-o! What's Ryan going to say? Review and you'll find out a little faster! I'm not sure exactly where I want to go with this, so you'll have to help me out. Angst and violence? Or just good old fashioned emotional drama? Let me know.


	3. Did you get what you wanted?

Okay, so the xxxx, work much better. I digress though. Here you go! Here's the next part. Wish me luck, because I move back to school tomorrow. I have to face the chaos that is the college campus when students come back. I don't think I'm going to make it in one piece. Oh, and I haven't finished packing yet. I wanted to get this up before I packed up my computer and everything, and that was my excuse, and now it's getting down to the wire, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is packed up yet. Oh well. Anyway, review please and let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: Oh, so not mine.

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It was shock that kept the Cohens quiet after this announcement was made. Dave still smiled nervously at his son, but his view kept drifting back to the three Cohens who sat with their mouths agape. Sandy felt Kirsten's hand warm and comforting in his.

"Um..." Ryan spoke first, although he was the most shocked. His father had moved back in with his mother? They were going to be a family? Now, when he had everything that he could ever dream of, that he was afraid to dream of, they were deciding now to make it work as a family. Where was his father six months before when his mother kicked him out? That was right, he was in jail. Where he had been since Ryan was eight years old and watched as his father was dragged away screaming and cursing up a storm? There was a world of difference in the man that was pulled out of their house in Fresno, and the man sitting in front of him now. People always said that prison changed people, but Ryan hadn't expected his father to be changed for the better.

"You don't have decide right away," Dave jumped in quickly. "You can take some time, think it over, talk it over with the Cohens." Ryan just nodded and looked to his foster parents. Kirsten's eyes were closed and she looked like she was going to be nauseous and Sandy was gripping the table in the same manner that he himself had been minutes before. Seth was, for the first time that Ryan could remember, speechless.

He had to make this right for everyone. He had to fix this. But what was the answer? Was it to stay with the Cohens, and pretty much kiss any hope of having a decent relationship with either of his parents away? Or was it to go with his father and pretend that the Cohens were better off without him? And weren't they really? He had caused nothing but trouble in their lives. He couldn't help it.

Trouble just seemed to seek him out.

But he loved them. He loved them fiercely. He didn't think it was possible. Ryan wasn't really sure he could love anymore, but he could, and he did. He loved that Kirsten worried about him and made sure that he was eating right and studying and all those other things that mothers were supposed to worry about. He loved the pre-event chats with Seth, the PS2 battles, and hanging out at the pier with him and Marissa and Summer. He loved talking with Sandy about the past and about the future. He loved that he had a future.

And Marissa? What about her? Where did she fit into this whole equation? If he went back to Chino he would be giving her up. Something that Julie Cooper would just adore. Seth finally got his voice back and spoke up, breaking Ryan's reverie.

"Mom, can I...I need to...is it okay....I want....can I be excused? Massive amounts of homework to do...huge test tomorrow, I mean I might fail out of Harbor if I don't go study...and you wouldn't want that, I mean after all the...."

"Go ahead Seth," Kirsten interrupted. Her son needed to get away from the table, he needed to clear his head and think, and she couldn't exactly deny him that, when the very thing she wanted to do was to lock herself up in her bedroom and pretend that Dave and Dawn Atwood didn't exist and weren't trying to take her son away. They were Ryan's legal guardians now! And they loved him. He had somehow gone from being the juvenile delinquent to Kirsten's long awaited and hoped for second child. Could Dawn even get custody back? She made a mental note to steal Sandy's law books from the study and read the parts about custody for non-biological parents.

She knew though, that it didn't matter. If Ryan wanted to go live with his parents, then she and Sandy were in no position to stop him. If he really wanted to go back to Chino, they would let him. They weren't going to keep him there against his will. And she hated to admit it, but Dave didn't seem like too bad of a guy. Dawn was a mess, but Ryan had always maintained that life had been, if not good, at least decent when they lived in Fresno.

"Maybe I should go," Dave said after Seth had hastily retreated from the table. "Let this sink in. Mrs. Cohen, the meal was delicious, whether you cooked it or not," he grinned at Kirsten hoping to elicit some sort of smile back, but her eyes were fixed on her plate and she was biting her bottom lip. "Ryan, I hope that you consider our offer, and if it's okay, you, me, and Mom can all go out to dinner sometime this week and discuss it further." Ryan didn't reply, his eyes were focused on Kirsten's bent head and Sandy who was keeping one hand on her back and the other still with a white-knuckle grip on the tabletop. "I'll let myself out." With that, Dave left the dining room table and left the three still in shell shocked silence.

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Seth was the first one to broach the subject with Ryan. They were eating breakfast the next morning, the only sound the slurping of the cereal into their mouths when Seth spoke up.

"So, um...your mom and dad? What do you think about that?"

"I'm not sure," Ryan said slowly. "I don't know what to do Seth."

"Mom and Dad....they're going to....well, they're going to abide by your wishes. Whatever you want to do, they're going to accept, they may not like it, but they're going to let you do whatever you want." Ryan just nodded. He knew that Sandy and Kirsten were going to let him decide. No one had really talked after Dave had left. Kirsten had not even excused herself, just grabbed her plate of food and bolted. Ryan and Sandy sat silently for what felt like an eternity until Sandy finally sighed audibly and picked up his plate and headed for the kitchen. If Ryan wasn't going to talk, then neither was Sandy. He would follow Ryan's lead. Ryan had been very good about avoiding Sandy's eyes, and he knew that he needed some time to digest the information and let it sink in.

"And what about you?" Ryan asked. As with Sandy the night before, he refused to meet Seth's eye. Seth stood up and placed his empty bowl in the sink before crossing over to the stool that Ryan sat on.

"I guess I'm going to have to respect your decision either way," Seth told him. "Although, I do have to put in a vote for the Cohen homestead. We definitely have the edge on pools, beaches, girlfriends, and take-out." Ryan actually laughed as he placed his bowl in the sink next to Seth's.

"Duly noted, and you're right, you do have the edge on take-out."

"So my vote will be tabulated with the highest value that can be appointed in the voting system?" Again Ryan let out a small laugh.

"Sure, Seth, whatever you say, although your vote doesn't count nearly as high as say, your mom or dad's, or Marissa's, Summer's, hell, even Kaitlin Cooper's vote counts higher than that of Seth Cohen's."

"Low, Ryan that was really low. I had really hoped to rank above an eleven-year-old. What exactly is the scale on which the awarding of points is based on? Because I certainly think I can take any of them in any category and come out victorious." Ryan thought for a second and then grinned at his best friend.

"Hair. It's based on hair, and whether or not the individual in question can control their own hair," Ryan said smugly. Seth was rubbing off on him. It just reminded him of what he would be leaving behind if he chose to go back with his parents. Sure he would still have Seth, it wouldn't be goodbye forever, but Seth would be in Newport, and Ryan would be in Chino, and to be perfectly honest, those worlds really didn't mix too well. He knew what would happen, eventually he or Seth would get too busy to drive the hour to see one another, and although they would promise each other that they would work something out, it wouldn't work out. And one day he would just be a topic of conversation every once in awhile, an anecdote. Do you remember when Sandy brought that kid home with him? What was his name? Brian? Ryan. It was Ryan.

How could he choose to leave here? How could he choose to leave Seth, Marissa, even Summer? How could he go back to Chino and be content when he knew how much was out there that was so much better? When there was a mother out there that didn't drink herself mean, and who didn't bring home a new boyfriend every night who would make Ryan their own personal punching bag? When there were fathers who came to every soccer game and yelled embarrassingly loud and obnoxiously? Who weren't in jail, who hadn't left? When there were brothers that played video games about stealing cars, instead of actually going out and stealing a car and trying to pin the blame on their younger brother? How could he leave this?

"Touché," Seth said shaking his head. "I will have you know, that there was a time when the fro was in style."

"1974?"

"Again, you mock, but when the fro comes back, I will be the coolest person in Newport Beach, nay, the country, dare I say the world?"

"Right," Ryan said smiling.

How could he choose to leave this?

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It sucked. The position that Dave had put them in. Ryan looked as if he was constantly weighing the options in his head, and Kirsten was trying to make everything good for him, right for him, in the hopes that if everything was perfect, than Ryan would stay.

It was a sinking feeling in the pit of Sandy's stomach that told him somehow Ryan would choose his biological parents over them.

Ryan had gone to talk to Marissa about everything, and Seth currently had Summer in the living room and they were watching a movie with Kirsten. His wife was curled up on the chair in a tight ball, and she was crying. She claimed it was at the movie, but Sandy had a feeling that she just needed a good reason to cry. He grabbed a bottle of water and walked into the living room.

"What are you watching?" Seth sighed loudly. It had been the fourth time that his father had come in and asked this question.

"I was all about enlightening my girlfriend and mother to the wonder that is _Donnie Darko_, but they insisted on watching _My Girl_." He rolled his eyes as he glanced over at his mother and Summer, both of whose eyes were red with tears. "He hasn't even died yet! Why are you crying?" Sandy knew why Kirsten was crying, and wasn't surprised when she didn't answer to Seth's outburst.

"I know he will! It's just a matter of time! Those bees are going to get him, and then they're going to try to bury him without his glasses, when everyone knows that Thomas Jay can't see without his glasses!" This started Summer into another fit of tears, and her head bent down, causing a curtain of dark hair to fall in front of her face. "God Cohen! You have no heart!" Seth finally placed an arm around Summer.

"It's not real Sum, it's just a movie. Thomas Jay is a fictional character, and the actor," Seth stressed that word. "Macauley Caulkin is still alive."

"But look at him!" Summer wailed. "Married at seventeen! Divorced before the age of twenty! He doesn't speak to his parents and he hasn't had a decent hit since _Home Alone 2_." Even Kirsten managed a small smile at this coupled with Seth's obvious inability to find anything to say to that.

This was what they needed, Sandy thought. They needed to have this afternoon where everything seemed normal at least. Ryan was off with Marissa, Seth had no idea what to say to Summer, and his wife was....well, Kirsten was huddled in a chair crying, a rare occurrence for her, but he had to say, that two out three wasn't bad. He crossed over to Kirsten and offered her his hand, which she took and he led her out of the living room where Seth and Summer were now fighting over which was a worse movie, _Getting Even with Dad _or _Richie Rich_, and into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear.

"It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay." Sandy just wished that he had some way to deliver this promise.

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Ryan returned home that evening with a determined look on his face. He had talked with Marissa, and after many tears were shed from, he hated to admit, both of them, he had come to a decision. He went to open the glass doors leading to the kitchen, but stopped instead before going in and just watched.

Seth was arguing with his mother over something, Ryan could only imagine, and was gesticulating wildly with his arms. Kirsten was trying to look angry, but he could tell that she was suppressing a smile. Sandy was at the counter, pouring two glasses of wine for him and Kirsten, and two glasses of milk. Kirsten was a stickler about drinking milk at dinner, and only let them have something different when they had guests over. Sandy was taking Kirsten's side, he could tell this by the look of thinly veiled disgust on Seth's face, and the look of sheer amusement on Sandy's. He enjoyed getting Seth annoyed far too much.

Ryan sighed, before reaching for the handle and opening the door. Everyone stopped and looked up at him when he entered.

"Ryan, my good man, I'm sure you will side with me," Seth started, but Kirsten placed an arm on Seth's arm. She could see that Ryan had something to say, and since this was a rare occurrence, they should take advantage of it.

"I...I've decided...I think it would be best...I probably should...." Why was this so hard? Kirsten already felt her insides twist and Sandy moved closer to his son and wife, as much for himself as for the two of them. "I think I should move back in with my parents...this is our second chance, and I...I knew that you guys would accept it, and it made it easier knowing that your support was unconditional ....whereas theirs isn't..." Seth wanted to scream at Ryan that what he just said was the exact reason that he shouldn't be going off with them. But instead, he bit his lip to stop the tears that threatened. No one said anything for a minute, and Ryan nervously excused himself from dinner citing that he had eaten over Marissa's, and maybe he would grab something later. He didn't see Kirsten collapse into the chair with her hand covering her mouth as she didn't even try to hold back her sobs. He didn't see Sandy come to her and pull her into his arms and reach out for Seth. He didn't see Seth accept his father's arms only for a moment before wiping away a few tears and taking the stairs two at a time so that he could go to his bedroom and cry in peace. He didn't see Sandy hold Kirsten in his arms and rock her gently back and forth to calm her down, all the while, he was dying inside.

Ryan didn't see any of this, because he hadn't turned around when he had walked away from them in the kitchen. Because if he had turned around, he feared might not leave.

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Okay, before you get your britches all in a twist, just relax and review, and I promise I will try to make things better. Okay? Okay. Get to the reviewing, because the faster that you do that, the faster I update.


	4. And whom do you cry with?

Okay, so sorry this took a little longer. It's been crazy moving into school and everything, and then I didn't like what I had written so I erased the whole thing and started over again, and I still am not really sure if it's very good, so please please review this time and tell me if you liked it. I'll try to get the next chapter up faster.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.

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Kirsten was found crying at the smallest things for the next week. Sandy caught her holding a box of oatmeal and clutching the counter and sobbing. When he asked her what the matter was, she tearfully replied,

"This is Ryan's favorite kind! The apple cinnamon! I eat the regular, and he eats the apple cinnamon! That way we only buy one box and it doesn't go to waste. Who's going to do that for me now Sandy?" He didn't have an answer for her, but simply pulled her into him and held her close.

Ryan was leaving in a week, but it didn't seem like it was real yet. That he would be leaving them. He was slowly packing up his belongs, and it broke Kirsten's heart to see him in the pool house packing up the shirts and jeans that she had bought for him over the course of the six months that he had been there.

It just wasn't fair. His parents had their chance with him, and they had blown it. It was her turn to be his mother now. It was her turn to get it right for the little time that he had left in childhood. And instead, he was turning around and going right back to the parents who had abandoned him in the first place.

It just wasn't fair.

Seth was dealing it in the best way that he knew how, which was to pretend that it wasn't happening. Anytime that Ryan would mention anything about it, Seth would change the subject. Seth refused to acknowledge the fact that Ryan would be leaving in a little over five days. And Ryan himself was going out of his way to do everything he could for the family, trying to squeeze in all the things that he normally did in a fraction of the time. He went over blueprints with Kirsten, tried surfing with Sandy one morning, and poured over comic after comic with Seth.

Sandy thought that between his wife's crying, Seth's denial, and Ryan's overexertion, that he was slowly breaking down. And he couldn't. He was holding his family together, and if he broke down, then he was afraid the whole family would fracture.

More than it already was. One-fourth of their family would be missing. It would be back to three plates at the dinner table, and only one child to ask how their day went at school. Asking the other child would be a job that would belong to someone else. But Ryan kept assuring them over and over that he would visit, that he would call.

"It's not like I'm going to be unreachable," he told Kirsten again when he found her crying in her study. She had tried to play it off.

"No, I was just...reading a sad book," she fumbled around on her desk and came up with a book that she held up.

"_Along Came a Spider_?" Ryan read. "Isn't that a thriller?" Kirsten took on the look of a deer caught in the headlights and she nodded slowly wiping the tears away.

"Yes, but....it's also very sad." She wasn't convincing him, and if he had any doubts before about leaving, they were compounded when she began to cry. Kirsten never cried. She was strong, she was independent. A shrewd business woman and a formidable opponent. But she was crying. Over his departure. She was trying very hard not to do it in front of him, this he knew, but he knew that she cried when she was alone with Sandy. Sandy being the only one that she truly felt comfortable crying in front of. When Ryan would mention that he would come to visit, she would try to smile for him and nod.

"Of course, and we can come see you too," she told him. He doubted that Sandy would want her and Seth driving down to Chino, hell, he didn't want her and Seth driving to Chino, but he accepted the nice gesture as what it was and gave her a smile back.

"I'd like that," he told her.

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The night before he left, the Cohens had Marissa and Summer over for a goodbye meal. It was the most depressing meal that Summer had ever been to. She had been to plenty of Cohen meals, and usually they were full of banter and good natured arguments. That night, however, even Seth was quiet. And Seth, Summer knew from experience, was never quiet. Marissa's quiet sniffles could be heard, and Summer had finally had enough.

"So, Mrs. Cohen? How's the Newport Group?" It was something easy, Summer figured, work would be a distracting thought from Ryan's departure.

"It's good," she answered half-heartedly.

"Kirsten's company is building the library," Ryan said. Chino was making small talk? Summer was at a loss for words. Chino never made small talk. It was a struggle to get him to string more than two words together to form a sentence, and here he was holding up the conversation with Summer.

"Oh?" Summer asked. No one responded. Kirsten was studying her meal and concentrating very hard on not crying. Summer nearly groaned out loud.

"I'm sorry," Ryan finally said breaking the silence. This caused everyone to look up from their plates and look at him.

"For what?" Sandy asked.

"For doing this to you."

"Ryan, you don't have to apologize," Kirsten started. "We understand." Sandy didn't. Not really. He didn't understand why he was turning around and going right back to the same people that hurt him time and time again. But he knew why his wife understood. It was the same reason that she let her father walk all over her and not stand up for herself. Caleb was her downfall. He was her father, and she loved him despite herself.

Just as Ryan loved his parents despite himself.

"I just...." Ryan started and then stopped. "They're my parents." It was a plea for all of them, but mostly Seth and Marissa, to understand where he was coming from. Seth had sat on the corner of his bed the night before as he was packing the last minute things and had just watched Ryan.

"You can still change your mind," Seth had said.

"I can't," Ryan had said adamantly.

"Sure you can," Seth insisted. "You can march right into that house right there, and tell Mom and Dad that you want to stay. And then we can unpack all of your stuff, and everything will return back to normal." Ryan didn't say anything and Seth nodded. "No, no you can't do that. And I told you that I would support whatever decision you made, which I have to tell you, now I'm regretting because I can't throw the temper tantrum for which I am famous. I can't mope, or complain, or throw things, because I had to open my big mouth and tell you that I would be your buddy, your pal Seth, and not get pissed off that you will be gone."

Ryan still hadn't known what to say to that, and he didn't say anything, letting Seth sit there again in silence watching him fold shirts and jeans and throw them into the boxes that Kirsten had picked up for him. He had come there with a book bag, and now he was leaving with boxes.

"We'll still see you," Seth said finally. "We know. It's okay."

"Yes," Sandy said speaking up as well. "And you'll call. Just because you're not living here, doesn't mean that you aren't still part of this family." And Ryan let himself smile just a little bit and thanked Sandy quietly.

And he had to remind himself why he had chosen to give this up.

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Dave and Dawn were coming for Ryan in the morning. Kirsten had had Rosa make Ryan's favorite for breakfast and the four sat down for the meal, and it hit Sandy that it would be the last time for awhile that they would get to eat a meal together like this. Seth wasn't eating much, which was surprising, just pushing it around on his plate, and Kirsten hadn't eaten anything at all.

"Are you all packed?" She asked Ryan. He had told her yes before when she had asked, in fact it was the fourth time that she had asked that morning. "I packed you some sheets and pillow cases."

"Kirsten, you didn't have to do that," Ryan said.

"I know, but I know that you like the ones that were on your bed, and I wanted you to have some for your new room," she said.

"They might not fit his bed," Seth said looking up at his mother. The thought occurred to him, and to Ryan who thought it better to not say anything, that his new bed would be a twin sized and therefore wouldn't be the same as the one in the pool house.

"I bought three different sizes," she said shrugging. Ryan didn't know what to say. "They'll fit." Instead, he mumbled a thank you and nodded. Just as they were finishing the breakfast, the doorbell rang. All four looked up at each other, and not one made a move to answer it. Finally Sandy rose and exited the kitchen. When he came back in a few minutes later, he was flanked on either side by Dave and Dawn

"Hey Ry," Dave said. Ryan looked up from the sink where he was doing the dishes to see his parents. Kirsten immediately stopped mid stride towards the counter. "Where's your stuff?"

"It's in the pool house," Ryan said immediately.

"Well, let's go take it out to the car," Dave said. Ryan nodded and led his father out the back door.

"Seth, go help please," Kirsten instructed.

"Mother, please, I'm no good at the physical labor, you know this."

"Seth."

"Fine." Seth sighed and headed out back.

"I'll go with him, make sure that he's actually helping," Sandy said as he walked past his wife, giving her arm a quick squeeze. Kirsten placed the last of the dishes on the counter.

"Sorry we're early," Dawn said. "No traffic."

"Ah," Kirsten pasted on a polite smile. "Well, it is still early for traffic." Dawn just nodded and an uncomfortable silence fell over them.

"Thank you," Dawn finally said. "For taking him. I was...I was in a bad place then...with AJ and everything, but now, with Dave back and everything. Our family is going to be whole again, you know? I want this second chance with Ryan."

"Please don't hurt him again," Kirsten requested in a small voice.

"I won't," Dawn assured her. "That part of my life...I'm past it. We're going to start new. Dave, Ry, and me, we're going to start all over again." Kirsten was spared from replying when the door opened and the boys came in with the boxes.

"Is that it?" Kirsten asked.

"Just a few more," Sandy answered. "We'll get them once we put these in the car." Kirsten followed Sandy to the front door and watched as they put the boxes in the clunker of a car that Dawn and Dave had arrived in. Sandy and Ryan went to get the last of the boxes and then they began to say their goodbyes. Sandy was first, he pulled Ryan in for a hug.

"You know my offer still stands," Sandy told him. "If you need anything...you call me. I'll come get you. No matter what hour or where I am, I will come get you. Okay?"

"Okay," Ryan said. The card that Sandy had given him so long ago was still safely in his wallet. Sandy gave him one more hug and a pat on the back.

"Take care of yourself, kid," he said. "I love you." It was still odd for Ryan to hear that. He knew that Sandy was the kind of guy who wore his emotions on his sleeve, and always told Kirsten and Seth that he loved them. They always returned it without thinking. But Ryan wasn't used to hearing it. Dawn generally had only said that she loved him when she was drunk or high. Ryan gave Sandy a small smile, and noticed that his eyes were rimmed with unshed tears. He was still no good at returning the I love you's, and simply nodded.

"Thank you for everything." Sandy gave him a smile.

"It was my pleasure." He moved to the side and Kirsten placed her arms around Ryan.

"Be careful, okay?"

"I will."

"And call us."

"I will."

"And come up here and see us when you can."

"I will." She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek, and sniffled a little bit. Ryan initiated the second hug, and it took Kirsten by surprise, but she returned it and held onto him a little longer than she would have normally.

Seth was last. He had stood behind his parents, hands shoved in his pockets waiting for his turn.

"Here," Ryan said pressing something into Seth's hands. Seth looked down and saw that it was a map of Tahiti. "We're still going to do this."

"Of course, dude, we have to," Seth said.

"Keep an eye on Marissa for me," Ryan requested.

"You have my solemn oath," Seth said holding up his hand. "If you need us...me...you can call."

"I know." Ryan paused. "I guess...goodbye?"

"No dude, see you later." Ryan grinned.

"See you later." He began to walk towards the car, and then turned around. "Oh and Seth? Please eat the apple cinnamon oatmeal for your mom. Promise?"

"Scout's honor," Seth replied holding up two fingers. "I'm your apple cinnamon man. You can count on me." Ryan smiled, and waved good bye to the Cohens as the huddled together on the driveway. He slipped into the car and watched them from the backseat of the car as the house got farther and farther away and finally slipped out of his view.

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All right. Please let me know what you thought. And I hope everyone is having a fantastic day! It was my first day of class, and it was a very long day, so review please and make my day better. Thanks!


	5. Did you take what was right?

Okay, so I started classes, and I should be reading "Much Ado About Nothing" but I felt like this was a better use of my time. So please, since I'm going to fail my Shakespeare class, the least you guys could do is review! It would make me so very, very happy! And since you are all absolutely wonderful, kind people, this is something that you want, right? That's what I thought.

Disclaimer: Right, so I don't own the character so much. I do own "Much Ado About Nothing"....but I don't think that you want it.

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Ryan didn't have enough room in his new bedroom to fit all the things that he had brought from Newport. His clothes didn't fit in the drawers in the small dresser that his father had proudly announced they had stolen from the neighbor's garbage for him. So instead, he took out the t-shirts and the pants that would be acceptable in Chino and placed the rest of the really nice clothes in boxes that he shoved under the bed. There was no closet, because the room itself was the size of a closet. Simply a bed, a dresser, and a small desk with a folding chair, and with these simple furnishings, Ryan barely fit himself. His suit that had become necessary in Newport, now sat under the bed getting wrinkled.

His mother had been surprised to say the least at the amount of things that he came back with, considering what he had left with. She had helped him unpack his things and came upon the three sets of sheets at the bottom of one of the boxes.

"What are these?" Dawn asked holding them up.

"They're sheets," Ryan answered. Obviously, he wanted to say, but he had already been reminded in the car on the way down that sarcasm wasn't accepted in the Atwood home like it had been in the Cohen's.

"Who bought you these?"

"Kirsten."

"Why? Didn't she think we could afford sheets? And all those clothes. Is she trying to show off?"

"No Mom," Ryan said evenly, treading carefully. "She knew I liked the ones in the pool house and she was just trying to do something nice. And the clothes she bought when she bought Seth things. It's just what she does." Ryan thought about all the times that Kirsten would come in with bags upon bags of clothing and thrust a bag in each of the boys' arms.

"More clothes?" Seth would whine. "Mom, do you know how uncool I would become if everyone knew my mother still bought me my clothes?"

"How uncool you would become?" Ryan scoffed, and Seth shot him a dirty look. Kirsten had ignored Seth, instead handing a small bag to Sandy.

"This is for you," she said smiling at him.

"Mom, that's a Victoria's Secret bag," Seth pointed out. "Clearly, unless Dad has started to wear bras, that bag is not for him." Sandy's eyes had widened when he looked in the small bag and then he had looked up at his wife with a grin. Ryan had realized and smacked the back of Seth's head, who then also caught on. "Oh.....ew! No. No. No. There is nothing in that bag.....No! That just made the visual worse! There are Granny panties in that bag, there are Granny panties in that bag. And a robe. And a turtleneck..." They could hear Seth still muttering as he walked out of the kitchen, and Ryan distinctly caught the words "chastity belt" several times.

Dawn had thrown the rest of his things angrily on the bed, and stalked out of the bedroom. Ryan had finished making his bed and placed the last of his things into place. He wasn't big on decorations, and the only ones were two frames sitting on the top of his dresser. One with the picture from the Chrismakkuh card, and the other taken at the debutante ball with Marissa. He sighed as he placed them down and looked around his room.

He had picked this. And he would be happy.

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Kirsten was crying again in bed. Sandy woke up and heard her and just like every night since Ryan had left, he rolled over and placed his arms around her and held her close to him. She was trying to be quiet when she cried and not wake him up. She would roll to the other side of the bed from his embrace and curl herself tightly into a ball and sob silently into one of the down pillows scattered around. But Sandy always heard her, and would always pull her into his arms and let her tears soak through his t-shirt. She would never say anything, instead she let herself cry until she had tired herself out and then she would fall asleep against him. Only when her breathing had evened and he could no longer feel her body convulse with sobs was when he let himself fall asleep.

When Sandy woke up in the morning, Kirsten's side of the bed was empty and he walked downstairs to find her and Seth in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Good morning," she said looking up at him. Seth had no idea that his mother cried like she did. He had no idea that when Ryan left it had broken her heart.

"Morning," Sandy said reaching into the refrigerator and grabbing the orange juice. "Seth, do you need a ride this morning?"

"Sure," Seth said looking up from his bowl of oatmeal. "If you're offering, I'm not saying no."

"I have that meeting at six, so I won't be home until eight tonight," Kirsten told Sandy. Eight, he knew, meant that she would be dragging herself home exhausted at ten or eleven. Hoping that she would be so exhausted from the long day at work that she would fall right asleep and stay asleep for the entire night. He hoped that she would fall asleep and stay asleep the whole night too.

"Okay," Sandy said. Things were slowly going back to the way that they were before Ryan came. Kirsten was working late, Seth was pulling away, and Sandy could see his perfect, happy family begin to fracture. The phone ringing interrupted them and startled Kirsten who jumped a foot in her seat.

"I'll get it," Seth said standing up and reaching for the cordless phone. "Hello? Hey dude! How's it going? No, we're all okay. How's old Chino Hills High doing? Harbor? Harbor is...well, you know dude, there's just a lot of water polo weirdos walking around all the time with their chests shaved, other than that you know, it's okay." Sandy knew that it was Ryan, and from the excited look on his wife's face, he knew that she did too. Seth continued to ramble on about something that was happening at school that day, and finally smiled as he handed the phone over to his father.

"Ryan? How are you?"

"I'm good," Ryan told him.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly," Ryan assured him. "I was just calling and checking in like you guys had asked."

"Good. Kirsten's going to kill me if I don't hand her the phone, so I'll talk to you later," Sandy said before handing the phone over.

"How are you doing? Did the sheets fit?" Kirsten asked as soon as his voice had said,

"Hi Kirsten." He smiled on his end as Kirsten continued to bombard him with questions.

"How is school? How are you really?"

"I'm really okay, you don't have to worry about me." But he knew, just as she knew, that she would continue to worry about him. "And the sheets fit great, thanks."

"When can you come here for dinner?" Kirsten asked, already planning the menu in her head. They would have his favorite, maybe she would even try to make it herself.

"I don't know."

"Well, you'll let us know right?"

"Of course."

"And school? How is school?"

"School is fine."

"Are you keeping up with your classes?" He didn't tell her that after six months in Harbor, he wasn't just ahead of the rest of his class, he officially knew more than the teacher. He didn't tell her that he was bored in class because what they were learning as advanced classes was what Harbor considered background material.

"Yeah, I'm doing all right," Ryan told her in a non-committed tone.

"Okay, honey, we're worried about you. And we miss you." Kirsten's voice caught on the last part and Ryan picked up on it right away.

"I know," he said. "I miss you guys too." He heard Dave yelling at him to take the garbage out before he left for school and hurriedly told Kirsten that he had to go before he incurred his father's wrath. Dave might have mellowed in prison and realized the errors of his ways, but he hadn't exactly become Mr. Nice Guy. He still could yell, and as Ryan had already found out, he still could hit.

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Marissa, of all people, offered to drive Seth home that afternoon. She caught him on the way to gym class.

"Seth?" She called out and he spun around to face her. "I was just wondering if you wanted a ride home today?" Seth was taken aback but recovered well.

"Sure, that would be great, thanks."

"Okay, so I'll meet you out front after school?"

"Yeah," Seth said. "Front. After school. Got it." So when the bell rang at three, Seth gathered his books, stuffed the ones that he didn't need into his locker, found Summer to say goodbye, and headed out towards the front of the school where Marissa was waiting. They headed towards the car, neither really saying anything, until Marissa finally spoke up.

"I was thinking...my dad thinks that I'm staying after school for a meeting, and my mom thinks that I'm at my dad's, and so no one's going to notice that I'm not there until dinner. And I think that's enough time to go down to Chino and visit Ryan. I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me?" She looked at Seth hopefully, and Seth knew that she didn't want to go by herself. Not that he could blame her. And the truth was that he wanted to go down and see Ryan anyway.

"Well, my mom's working late, and my dad..." Seth shrugged. "He's probably working late too. I can just tell them that I'm staying at the library to finish a paper and that you're driving me home later." Marissa's face broke into a smile.

"Thanks for coming with me Seth," she said happily.

"Not a problem. That's what I'm the best at. Providing protection for poor defenseless girls in questionable areas of town." Marissa raised her eyebrow at him. "Or not," he amended as he climbed into the car.

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Seth stood there nervously on the porch of the house. It was run down and the paint was peeling, but the yard was kept neat, the grass neatly cut and he could hear kids playing down the street. It wasn't nearly as awful as he had expected it to be. He reached out and knocked twice. The door swung open a minute later, and Dawn stood there looking at them in confusion.

"Aren't you that Cohen kid?" She asked. Good, Seth could handle Dawn, and she even seemed as if she was sober. It was Dave Atwood that Seth was a little more fearful of. He had confidence dealing with Dawn. Piece of cake. Seth could be very charming with the parents when he wanted to be.

"Sure am, and this is Ryan's girlfriend, Marissa, we were just wondering if he was home?"

"Hold on," Dawn said closing the door in their faces. Seth and Marissa exchanged a look and the door opened again to reveal Ryan.

"Hey guys," he said giving them a half smile as he wrapped his arms around Marissa and kissed her. It was when he turned his face towards Seth that Seth noticed that black eye.

"What happened?" Seth asked.

"Oh some guys at school," Ryan said. He waved away Seth's concern, and Seth knew that if his mother was there, she would have demanded more answers than that. And somehow, Seth doubted that it had been some guys at school. "But what are you guys doing here?"

"We came to see you," Marissa said smiling at him.

"Dude, why don't you go in and ask if you can eat dinner at our house tonight?" Seth suggested. "We can drive you home again right after." Ryan bit his lip.

"Hold on," he requested and went back into the small house, shutting the door behind him.

"Who do you think did that to him?" Marissa asked Seth in a hushed voice.

"Two guesses," Seth said sarcastically. "Dave and Dave." Ryan emerged before they could say anything else, and he shook his head at the two.

"Thanks for coming to see me, but not tonight."

"When then?" Seth asked.

"Maybe next week?" Ryan replied. Seth nodded.

"Okay, maybe next week," he repeated.

And he and Marissa turned to leave. Ryan gave her a kiss and a hug and then gave Seth a quick hug before turning to go back inside his house. It was when Ryan reached up to get the mail from the mailbox next to the door that Seth saw the bruises on the underside of his arm, and it was in that moment that Seth knew that there was no way that guys at school had given Ryan the black eye.

And that letting Ryan choose for himself might be the biggest mistake that his family had made.

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Ohhh, drama drama, what's going to happen next? I will only tell if you review, so you better get to it! Thanks!


	6. Whose smile do you ride on?

Hello everyone! I hope that everyone had a good Labor Day. I just got back to school. I had gone home for the weekend, and thus got nothing done, and now I'm procrastinating even more. Oh well, it happens. Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought about this chapter. Thanks!

Disclaimer: The characters so do not belong to me.

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Sandy was aware that his son was a rambler. In fact, he was aware that Seth came by it naturally, and usually he could understand and follow Seth's long and roundabout train of thought, but that night when Seth and Marissa had come barreling into the kitchen talking about a thousand words per second, Sandy had no clue where Seth was going with this. But he did pick up on the words, Ryan and black eye.

"Wait, wait, wait, back up. What about Ryan and a black eye?" Seth took a deep breath.

"He has a black eye, and he said that he got it from some guys at school, but his arms are black and blue too Dad."

"And you think it's Dave?"

"Don't you?" And Sandy had to admit, that yes, he did think it was Dave.

"But where did you see Ryan?" Sandy asked and Marissa and Seth exchanged guilty looks.

"It was my fault Mr. Cohen," Marissa started. "I wanted to see him and I didn't want to go by myself, and Seth said that he would go and..."

"You went to Chino!? By yourselves? Seth, your mother is going to kill you. And me! Even though I didn't know anything about it."

"I know Dad, and we will tackle the mom problem later, for now, we need to focus on the most important problem. How do we get Ryan out of there?" Sandy shook his head.

"We can't Seth, he chose that. Do you think that he's just going to come back here?"

"We told him if he needed us we'd be here!" Seth argued.

"And you know that, and I know that, but Ryan won't admit to needing help until it's too late," Sandy replied. "The best we can hope for is that it's not too bad, that maybe he's telling the truth and to keep an eye on the situation."

"Dad!" Seth sighed audibly. "That's not good enough."

"Seth that's all I can do."

"Well that sucks like a cheap whore." At this, Sandy actually managed a laugh.

"I wouldn't have exactly put it in those terms, but yes, Seth, it does suck." They heard the front door open and Sandy glanced at the clock. Kirsten was home early. He was sure that she was going to spend as much time as humanly possible at the office.

"Hello?" She called.

"In the kitchen," Sandy yelled back. She emerged a minute later, and though she looked confused as to why Marissa was there, she smiled at three.

"I just stopped in to grab a bite to eat; I have to get back to the office. What's the matter?" She knew that they had been discussing something serious, she could see it in their stances. Marissa was biting her nails, Sandy was gripping onto the counter, and Seth's arms were pinned to his side, a clear sign that he had just recently been gesticulating wildly with them.

"Honey, the kids, although I wasn't aware of this," Sandy added that last part in, hoping that she wouldn't get as angry at him as he knew she was about to get. "went down to Chino to see Ryan."

"You did what?" Kirsten spun to face her son and Marissa, and they both had the decency to look frightened.

"We did, Mom, and we're sorry, but we have bigger fish to fry," Seth said calmly. "Dave's been beating on Ryan."

"I was going to ease her into that Seth," Sandy reprimanded. Seth shrugged.

"Is he okay?" Kirsten's hand flew to her mouth. She had known that this was going to be a bad idea letting him go back. Why hadn't she followed her instincts? Why hadn't they nixed the whole idea right from the start? Why hadn't they told Dave Atwood that Ryan wanted nothing to do with him?

"Black and blue, but still standing," Seth answered. "We have to do something Mom! He told us that it happened at school, but his arm is black and blue too. There's no way that it's happening at school. Can't we get him to come home? Can't we go to child services and tell them what's happening and that we want him back?" Kirsten felt her knees begin to tremble and all she wanted to do was to cry into her hands and wallow in self-deprecating pity. But Seth was giving her that look, she knew it well. Like he wanted her to sweep in and save the day. There was just one problem with dong that.

She had no idea how to save the day.

What could they do? Ryan wouldn't admit that it was happening, she knew that much to be true. He would just tell child services the same thing that he had told Marissa and Seth. That it had happened at school. That his parents, of course, weren't hurting him. So how did they get him out of there?

"Seth, can I talk to your father alone? Why don't you and Marissa go out and pick us up something to eat? And Marissa, call your father and tell him that you will be eating here tonight," Kirsten instructed. She was trying to take control the best way that she knew how. She would take charge right now, and that would make her feel better. Focus on the things that she could do, rather than those that she couldn't. Ryan fell into that second category.

How the hell were they supposed to get him out of there?

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Ryan woke up sore. He had forgotten to take the garbage out the night before, and he had paid for it. Living with the Cohens had made him soft. He had forgotten that in the Atwood house, if you didn't do what you were supposed to there were consequences. And they were harsher than just being scolded in a light and teasing manner, as Sandy and Kirsten always did when he or Seth forgot to do something they had asked them to do.

"Hey," Sandy would say when he came in and the two were playing video games and the dishes were still stacked up in the sink. "Is it my imagination, or were these supposed to be done when I got home?"

"Um well Dad, as wonderfully creative as your imagination is, this time, it is not you making it up, yes, they were supposed to be done. However, the ninjas were badmouthing us and calling us wimps and other names that are too harsh to be repeated, and we had to show them who was boss. As soon as we show the ninjas their proper place, we will be more than happy to wash your dishes and place them in the dishwasher where they will cleanse themselves, and of course we will put them in their proper cupboard when that cleansing process has been successfully completed." Seth never looked up from the screen where he had been battling the aforementioned ninjas. Ryan just looked up and shrugged at Sandy.

"Five minutes and then we'll get them done?" He offered.

"Okay, just have them done before Kirsten gets home. Because then I get the lecture on how I let Seth get away with too much just because he can talk his way out of any situation." Seth just nodded at this assessment.

"It is a gift for me, Dad, and a curse for you."

If he had spoken to his father the way that Seth had rambled on to Sandy, he would have a few more bruises to match the one on his face and the ones on his arm where his dad had grabbed him tightly and pulled him towards the kitchen where he demanded that Ryan clean it.

Ryan reached and turned off his alarm before it woke up his parents in the next bedroom. The walls in the house were paper-thin, and this came with two distinct problems. Dave and Dawn could hear everything that Ryan did, and he could hear everything that went on in their bedroom. From the yelling and screaming that he heard on some nights, to the sound of the headboard hitting the wall on other nights. And Seth thought he had it bad with the innuendo that Kirsten and Sandy were so fond of. And while Ryan had often mirrored Seth's disgusted faces when Sandy would comment on how beautiful Kirsten looked, or how he had tired her out the night before, he secretly enjoyed the comments. Unlike his parents, it was a healthy relationship. He knew that Sandy wouldn't tell Kirsten she was beautiful one day, and then turn around and scream at her and call her a whore the next.

Sandy would never lay a hand to Kirsten. No matter how angry he got at her.

Ryan grabbed his bag from the counter and hurried out of the house, meeting his best friend Theresa at the end of the driveway. She had been genuinely happy about Ryan's return to Chino. She had first hugged him, and then smacked him for not telling her where he had been for the past six months.

"I thought you were dead!" Theresa had yelled. "I go to your house and it's empty and you're gone! How do you think that made me feel? Did you think hey, I should call Theresa and make sure that she knows that I'm living in some swanky house in Newport and not lying in a ditch somewhere?" Ryan immediately thought of Seth and his assertion that there weren't really ditches where serial killers threw bodies of their victims.

"Get creative Mom," he informed Kirsten when they had come in late and she was still waiting up for them, a phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Ryan had felt guilty for making her stay up and worry, but Seth obviously had none of that pesky guilt.

"Okay, how was I supposed to know that you weren't cut into hundreds of tiny pieces in the trunk of some psychopath, who would later be involved in a car chase that would end with him being riddled with bullets and the discovery of your bodies? And of course, your father and I would have to go down to the morgue where the only thing that remained of you would be your teeth and maybe a finger or two, which we would have to put in a tiny little coffin and bury?" Seth just grinned at his mother.

"There Mom, that was better," he told her sweeping past to head up to his bedroom. Kirsten had groaned and dumped the rest of her coffee, given Ryan a quick hug, before telling him goodnight and going off to bed muttering about how Seth was too much like his father.

Ryan had reverted back to the way he used to be before Newport, and that involved being one of the only kids to dread the last bell of the day.

He didn't know why he put up with this still.

He could go back. He could call Sandy and tell him that he made a mistake that he wanted to live with him and Kirsten and Seth. He could say that he was sorry that he had even considered leaving in the first place. It would be easy. Sandy would surely take him back. But could he leave his parents? They were trying. Dave was at least apologizing after he had smacked him, and his mother was trying much harder not to drink herself silly every night. And they were doing this for him.

Could he really throw it back in their faces? Of course he couldn't. He would stay in Chino. He would stay with his parents and Theresa. He would try very hard not to associate everything everyone said with the Cohens. And he wouldn't go to dinner later that week like Seth had asked. Because that would just make it harder. This was a transition, and he had to stick it out. He had to make this work, and the only way to do that was to not see the Cohens, or Marissa for awhile.

At least until it didn't hurt to think about them anymore.

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"What do we do Sandy?" Kirsten asked as soon as Sandy picked up the telephone the next day. They had discussed it privately, and then a little more with Seth and Marissa, and they had come to the conclusion that there was nothing that they could do other than wait for Ryan to call, and try to keep an eye on the situation. But Kirsten wasn't having any of it. Sandy heard her toss and turn the entire night before, and he knew that it was the only thing on her mind.

"Maybe we go down there?" Sandy suggested. "Make him come to dinner with us? And maybe he admits that Dave's been hitting him? And maybe he tells us that he wants to move back in with us?" They both knew that it was a long shot. Even if they could get Ryan to come to dinner with them, there was no way that he would admit to that, or ask to move back in them. It was hopeless. And Kirsten hated hopeless. She hated when there was nothing she could do to fix it. It was her biggest pet peeve.

"I think the odds of that happening are slim to none," Kirsten moaned into the phone. She was silent for a minute, and Sandy knew, instinctively, that she was crying. He knew her too well. He knew that she was covering the bottom of the phone so that he couldn't hear her sobs.

"Honey, let me come get you," Sandy suggested. "We'll go out to lunch?"

"I have work to do," Kirsten argued half-heartedly. And it was true. She had plenty of work that needed to be done, and she knew that her husband did too. But she also knew that neither was getting anything done, and that even if they didn't go get something to eat, nothing would be done anyway.

"I'll be there in a half hour," Sandy said ignoring her.

"Okay," Kirsten answered. "I love you."

"I love you too," Sandy replied. "Hey, honey?"

"Yeah?"

"It's going to be okay," he told her.

"How do you know that?"

"I don't. But I promise you, I will intervene if things get too bad. We'll make sure that he's okay."

"I'm keeping you to that promise," Kirsten said.

"I know," Sandy said before hanging up the phone.

He would make sure that he kept that promise. For her. For himself. And for Ryan.

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Okay, well let me know what you think! You guys are the most awesome people in the world, really you are! And keep up that awesomeness (is that a word? Apparently it is, because spellcheck didn't catch it. You know what's ironic? Spellcheck says that spellcheck is misspelled. Hmmm. Anyway, I digress) and review again! Thanks!


	7. Did you travel too far?

Okay, so my building was evacuated at midnight last night because of a power outage, and then we weren't let back in until 5:30 in the morning!! Isn't that crazy?!? When the power goes out at my house I don't evacuate into the streets! All of the dorms pretty much were without power, so there's like 3,000 kids in pajamas just chilling on the street. Oh, and my lovely school expected us to go to class the next morning. Jerks. It was crazy, and needless to say, I'm completely exhausted now. Sorry for my rant, but man, it sucked big time and I needed to vent. But I finished this (yay!) and if it's bad, I can just blame the lack of sleep. Please, let me know how you liked it!

Disclaimer: I don't so much own the characters. But I'd gladly take them if you're offering?

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It was Kirsten who finally drove down to Chino to see for herself what was going on. She didn't tell Sandy where she was going, she left after work and using the GPS navigator in her car (one of its selling points in her opinion. Two things that she couldn't do: cook and navigate) she made it to Chino without getting too lost. She knew that if Sandy knew she was going to go down there, he would have insisted that she let him handle it. He would have insisted that she let him come with her at least. He would have told her that it was unsafe for her to be in Chino by herself. But, she wanted to argue, it was perfectly okay for Ryan to be down in Chino. It was hypocritical, and she was the first to admit that she was guilty of this as well. She wanted to kill Seth for going down to Chino without telling her or Sandy first, but the thought that it was unsafe didn't cross her mind when telling Ryan he could choose to go back there. Well, actually the thought his parents are unsafe was more prevalent in her mind than the neighborhood was dangerous. She turned off the car when she got to the address on the little card that Dave and Dawn had left for the Cohens. Dave had assured her that he wanted Ryan to keep a relationship with her and Sandy, and of course, Seth.

"Can't deny a kid a best friend, right?" Dave had said smiling at Seth. Kirsten had smiled and nodded, all the while thinking that he was now denying Seth a brother, denying her and Sandy another son. She sighed again and sat trying to summon the courage when the phone rang startling her. She fumbled for it, and saw on the caller ID that it was Sandy.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hi honey, I was just wondering what time you were going to be home for dinner?" Kirsten bit her lip. It was time to tell him where she was. After all, what was done was done. He couldn't stop her now, she was already down there.

"Well, I might be a little late," she told him.

"Oh. Okay, are you still at the office?" Sandy asked.

"Not exactly," Kirsten replied.

"Not exactly?"

"Well, I'm in Chino." There was a fumble on the other end, and Kirsten was sure that Sandy had just dropped the phone.

"You're where?"

"I'm in Chino," she repeated.

"Kirsten! What are you doing there by yourself?"

"I wanted to see Ryan. I wanted to check up on him." Sandy knew that she didn't quite trust him to keep an eye on the situation. She didn't quite believe that Sandy couldn't exactly live up to his promise, and so she had gone to see for herself. But it wasn't safe there for her. Kirsten could claim that she was not as sheltered as everyone thought she was. She could argue that she lived in a mail truck for a summer, and that she had survived on her own during college, but the truth was that college had been a long time before, and even then she always had the option of running home. And the mail truck had nothing to do with Kirsten being able to take care of herself in a neighborhood like Ryan's. To say that he was worried was an understatement, Sandy's heart had skipped a beat when she had told him this. He actually thought that Seth could take care of himself better in Chino than Kirsten could. She was a beautiful, naïve woman completely out of her element. It terrified him.

"Honey, I would have gone down with you," Sandy said.

"I know that. I wanted to come alone."

"But honey...."

"Sandy, I'm fine, okay? I'll call you when I'm on my way home."

"Kirsten. Be careful, okay? I mean really careful."

"I will." Sandy glanced at the clock on his desk. It was already going on seven. "I'm going to go now."

"I love you," Sandy said before she had a chance to hang up.

"I love you too," she told him. "And I'm okay. I'm just going to check up on Ryan, see if he's really okay and then come home. I promise." With that, he heard a click and she was gone.

Kirsten had known that would be Sandy's reaction. She could do this. It was fine, Chino was just another neighborhood. She gathered her purse from the seat next to her and with the adrenaline from her conversation with Sandy, she got out of the car and marched her way to the front door. She would show Sandy she could do this. Screw Sandy's waiting and keeping an eye on the whole thing plan, screw child services who had so easily transferred guardianship back over to Dawn. Kirsten was going in there, and if Ryan was being abused again and Dawn was drinking, than she was going to pull all the strings she could to get him out of there.

And one thing that Kirsten Nichol Cohen knew how to do, it was pull strings to get what she wanted. It was a skill inherited directly from her father.

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The last person that Dawn Atwood thought would be at her door was Kirsten Cohen. But there she was, standing on her front porch, looking nervous and completely out of place.

"Hi," Kirsten said when Dawn came to the door. "Is Ryan here?"

"No," Dawn said and she was about to close the door, when she realized that Ryan not being there wouldn't make Kirsten leave.

"Well, where is he?"

"How should I know? Like the kid tells me anything." It was then that Kirsten realized that Dawn had been drinking. She could smell the alcohol on Dawn's breath.

"Could I wait for him to get back?" Kirsten asked.

"I don't care," Dawn said shrugging. She moved away from the door, but she left it open, and Kirsten took that as a sign that she was allowed to come in. She stepped inside the small house and noticed right away there were a few broken glasses around.

"Sorry about the mess," Dawn said when she spotted Kirsten's eye sweeping over the living room and taking it all in. "I dropped a few glasses and didn't have time yet to clean it up." Kirsten just nodded, and didn't say anything. "Sit down." Kirsten looked at the sunken couch and resisted the urge to take out napkins and sit them down before sitting herself. It wasn't that she was a snob, or at least, she liked to think that she wasn't, but there were stains, large and odorous on the couch. She found the least stained cushion and sat down.

"So how are you? Do you like having Ryan back?" Kirsten was the queen of small talk. She had been taught well by her mother, and was able to communicate even with the most awful and petty of Newpsies without wanting to kill them or herself, and she was fairly confident that she and Dawn could have a normal conversation.

"It's great," Dawn said and Kirsten wasn't completely sure if the comment was meant honestly or had a sarcastic undertone to it.

"We miss him," Kirsten said. She hadn't meant to say that, but then once it was out, she didn't particularly want to take it back either.

"Oh?" Dawn raised an eyebrow at this. "I would think that you would be happy to have him out of your hair." This time it was Kirsten's turn to raise the eyebrow.

"No, we loved having him. Seth, my son, misses him the most. He has only his father and me to ramble on to, and Seth enjoys a much bigger audience." It was true, Seth was a lot quieter once Ryan had gone. Maybe it was because he missed Ryan and withdrawing was his way of dealing, or maybe it was because Ryan had been the link between Seth and his parents. Ryan had helped Seth understand Kirsten and Sandy better, and in turn Kirsten and Sandy understood Seth better. And Kirsten wasn't sure which scenario she was more afraid of. Was Seth withdrawing just from them? Or from everyone? She wanted to call Summer and ask her, but she knew that Seth would kill her if she called his girlfriend. Sandy wasn't very much help either, and Kirsten felt like her family was falling apart and the only one who could fix it had voluntarily left their house and now was too afraid to come back.

Kirsten was saved from more small talk with Dawn when the door opened and Ryan came in.

"Kirsten?" She smiled and stood up and wrapped her arms around him. He had lost weight, and she felt him flinch involuntarily when she had squeezed him. "What are you doing here? Is Sandy here?"

"No, I came alone." Ryan's eyes widened.

"You came alone?" He repeated. "Kirsten, you shouldn't have come here alone. It's not safe for you to be here alone." Kirsten sighed in frustration. What was with the men in her life thinking that she couldn't take care of herself? Although, it was nice to know that Ryan was so protective of her. He was only protective over those that he really cared about. It was sort of a backhanded compliment.

"I wanted to see how you were," she told him, and gave him a look that told him that she knew more than he thought that she knew.

"I'm fine," Ryan assured her. "I'm all settled in." But he could see that Kirsten wasn't buying it. And he pulled down the sleeve to his shirt to hide the latest batch of bruises.

"What happened to your eye?" She asked taking his face in her hand and tilting it so that she could study it.

"Some guys at school," Dawn broke in. "I called the school, but they said there was nothing that they could do." She was lying too, but Kirsten guessed that over the years both Dawn and Ryan had become awfully good at lying. It came naturally now. In a low voice, so that Dawn couldn't hear, Kirsten whispered into Ryan's ear,

"You can always come home." Home, Ryan thought, this is home now. But how he wanted to take Kirsten up on that offer, how he wanted to run back into his tiny bedroom and start throwing things into a suitcase and tell Kirsten everything. How his father was hitting him again, how his mother was drinking, and how he hid out at Theresa's house every night. Just like old times.

But he couldn't.

There was a loyalty there to his parents that he just couldn't break. He wished that he could, he knew that this wasn't right. That his father shouldn't be using him as a punching bag, and that his mother shouldn't be drinking. The problem with living with the Cohens had been that he had seen that not all mothers drink themselves into oblivion, and not all fathers take out their frustrations on their sons. And not all sons are afraid to talk back to their parents. Seth was a prime example of this, Ryan thought that sometimes Sandy and Kirsten didn't know whether to scream or to laugh at Seth.

"What did you say to him?" Dawn's voice was harsh and Kirsten nearly flinched as if she had been struck by something.

"Nothing Mom," Ryan said turning around quickly. "You should go Kirsten."

"I said that we missed him," Kirsten said defiantly, sticking her hands on her hips.

"You should go," Ryan repeated again.

"Well, if that's all that you said, why did you whisper it?" Dawn's eyes narrowed into little slits and for the first time Kirsten felt her reserve start to falter. How did Ryan live with this woman? How could he choose to come back here? To come back to her?

"Mom, please, that's what she said. Kirsten, go," Ryan said a little more forcefully this time.

"What the hell is all that noise?" A voice came from the little hallway and Kirsten realized that Dave was also home. He appeared in the doorway, and Kirsten shifted her weight nervously and clutched onto the shoulder strap of her purse. She didn't know why Dave made her so uncomfortable, well, she knew why, he was a felon, but he was still Ryan's father, and he had been so nice when he had come to dinner. But there was nothing nice about him now. She realized that the broken glass had to have happened today while Ryan was at school, or else he would have cleaned it up already. The kid was notorious for being neat and tidy. "What is she doing here?" The question was directed at Ryan and not Kirsten, but she answered anyway.

"I just wanted to see Ryan and check up on him," she replied.

"He's fine. Didn't you believe that we could take care of him ourselves? He doesn't need you!" It was a far cry from the Dave that assured Kirsten that he would make sure that Ryan maintained contact with them. Dave strode forward toward Kirsten, and before Ryan could step in the way, he had grabbed her upper arm and was dragging her towards the door.

"Let go of her!" Ryan said quietly. Ryan could see that Kirsten was in pain; he knew too well the strength that his father possessed. Her arm would be black and blue.

"What did you say?" Dave turned to face Ryan, his grip never faltering on Kirsten. She could smell the alcohol on Dave's breath and remembered Ryan telling her once, in a rare moment of confidence, that Dave got meaner the drunker he got.

"Not that he couldn't be mean when he was sober," Ryan had said. "But when he was sober, he could be so charming. You know? Like you would think that he was this great guy, and then he'd turn on you, like that." Ryan snapped to prove his point. Was that all it was back at their house and in Sandy's office? Dave being charming? Winning them all over, including Ryan? Her arm was pulsing in pain, and she wanted to be anywhere but there right then. She wanted Ryan to be anywhere but there as well.

"I said let go of her," Ryan repeated louder this time.

"Fine," Dave sneered and threw Kirsten to the floor. She fell with a thud and Ryan hurried over to her to help her up.

"You need to leave," he said as he picked her up. She was rubbing her hipbone, which she had fallen on.

"Not without you," she told him. "Go grab some of your things, we're leaving." Kirsten couldn't just leave him there. If it had been Seth, there was no way that she would leave him alone with this man, and she would be damned if she was going to let Ryan stay. Not after this.

"Kirsten..." Ryan tried.

"Why are you still here?" Dave asked coming back over to where Ryan was pleading with Kirsten to leave.

"She's leaving Dad," Ryan said.

"Ryan's coming with me," Kirsten said placing her hand on his arm gently.

"No," this came from Dawn, who had been quiet since Dave had come out. "He's our son. He's staying here." Kirsten was intelligent, and her common sense was telling her to run out of that house and not look back. Her common sense was telling her to go out to her car, and call Sandy and have him come down to help her, maybe call the police. But how long would it take Sandy to get there? How long for the police to get there?

And how much damage could be done in that amount of time?

Instead of running, she made up her mind to stay, slipped her hand unseen into her purse, and summoning all of her courage and turned to Dawn.

"No, he's not."

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Okay, so I know I left it with a cliffhanger, but I was good about updating this time, so that has to count as something right? Right? All right ,well, what do you think of this chapter? Please let me know.


	8. And how are you dreams?

Wow, you guys have really creative imaginations. Kirsten and a gun? I'm not brave enough to try that. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. You guys are super, duper awesome! Oh and now that I've gotten some sleep, being evacuated and having to sleep on the chairs in the lobby of the only building that had power now is slightly entertaining. Wasn't so much when I was running on 4 hours of sleep. Okay, I'm done talking. Read and review!

Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine.

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Her hand fumbled around in her purse until she felt the phone.

"What?" Dawn said.

"I said, he's not staying here," Kirsten repeated. She opened the phone up silently and hit the second speed dial. Please pick up, she begged silently, please pick up. She had no idea if this was going to work or not, but she hoped that it would. "Ryan, go pack your stuff we're leaving." Ryan looked torn. He stood there in the middle of everyone looking from Kirsten to his parents. He could see that his father was becoming angrier by the second, and with a sinking feeling, he knew that it was anger directed at Kirsten and not at him. He could deal with anger directed towards him; he could not forgive himself if something happened to her.

"Kirsten, please go," he tried one more time.

"No. I am not leaving without you."

"Kirsten..." He was terrified. Both for her and for himself. But mostly for her. She needed to leave.

"He said go," Dave said coming over to Kirsten. Ryan took a step and stepped in between his father and her. "Ryan move."

"Don't touch her."

"Ryan. Move."

"Dad, she's leaving, okay? Don't touch her." Kirsten's heart was beating and she was nauseous. But she wasn't leaving without Ryan.

"I am not leaving without you," she said one more time.

"Ryan move."

"Dad. Kirsten, please."

"No," it was said at the same time by both Dave and Kirsten. Dave took hold of Ryan, who struggled out of his grip.

"Let him go," Kirsten yelled. Dave tossed Ryan easily to the side and grabbed a hold of Kirsten again.

"I told you to get out."

"I'm not going without him, just let him get his things and we'll both leave."

"He's not going anywhere," Dawn yelled from where she was pouring herself a drink in the kitchen. Kirsten winced in pain as Dave tightened his hold on her.

"We told you to get out. He's not going anywhere." Ryan climbed to his feet and rushed to his father to get him to loosen his hold on Kirsten, and the impact startled Dave who let go of Kirsten, who lost her balance and tumbled to the ground, hitting her head hard off the coffee table as she went.

As her world went black, she heard Dawn screaming for Dave not to kill Ryan, and heard Ryan struggle with his father, and then she heard nothing.

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Sandy had placed his phone, and the house phone on the counter in the kitchen for easy access in case Kirsten called. He was worried about her. It had been twenty minutes since she had hung up on him and told him that she was going into the house.

It had been the longest twenty minutes of his life. He knew that her being there was just going to end up badly for Ryan. She wouldn't be able to convince him to leave his parents, it was hopeless.

As he turned around getting himself some coffee, he heard his phone ring. He dove for it and with a feeling of relief rushing over him saw that it was Kirsten's number.

"Honey? Where are you?" There was no answer, and he thought maybe she had gotten cut off, and was going to hang up when he heard her voice clearly.

"I said he's not staying here." Sandy's heart quickened. She wasn't talking to him, but she had called him. Something was wrong. Things had gotten out of her control. Sandy heard her tell Ryan to pack his things and then heard Ryan telling her to leave. But it wasn't in anger, it was in desperation. Sandy could hear the panic lining Ryan's voice. What was going on?

"I'm going to call the police," Sandy spoke into the phone. He knew that Kirsten couldn't hear him, but he wanted to pretend that this was a normal conversation. He couldn't bring himself to hang up the phone, so he picked up the house phone. Seth was babbling onto someone, Summer, Sandy assumed, about some comic.

"Dad, do you mind?" Seth said as soon as he realized that someone had picked up the other extension.

"Seth, get off the phone, now." There was something in his father's voice that Seth took notice of. For once, Seth didn't whine or complain, he did exactly what his father had asked. Maybe it was because his dad sounded weird. Maybe it was because Seth knew, instinctively, that it was fear in his dad's voice.

"Summer, I've gotta go." He didn't wait for Summer's goodbye, before hanging up and running down the stairs. "Dad? What's going on?" His father was clutching both phones in his hands.

"Okay, please send someone over. Thank you, yes, okay, thank you."

"Dad? What's the matter?" Seth asked again. His father wasn't paying any attention to him; instead his phone was pressed tightly to his ear and he was concentrating on whatever was on the other end.

Sandy heard Kirsten cry out and then he didn't hear her anymore. He could hear someone yelling in the background, Dawn, he presumed since it was a female voice and not Kirsten's.

"Kirsten?" Sandy said into the phone. "Kirsten?" It was a little louder this time, but when he didn't hear her answer, or hear her at all, he felt his heart stop. "Honey? Are you there? Kirsten?" He turned around and was surprised to see Seth there.

"Dad? Where's Mom?"

"I need to go," Sandy said grabbing his keys, but not hanging up the phone. "Stay here in case the police call."

"The police? Dad, what's going on?"

"I need to go to Chino."

"Is Ryan okay? Where's Mom?" Seth's head was spinning. "Dad? I want to come with you."

"No, you need to stay here. You need to stay here in case the police call," Sandy repeated.

"Dad...."

"Seth, I will explain everything later. But your mother went to Chino to see Ryan and I think things got out of hand. I don't know more than that. I will call you when I find something out." With that Sandy threw open the door to his car, slammed it shut, and peeled out of the driveway leaving Seth holding the cordless phone in the doorway.

Seth picked up the phone and called Summer back. He would ask her if she would come over and wait with him. There was no way that he wanted to stay there alone. Why hadn't he insisted that his father let him come along? Now Seth had sit back and wait, and Seth hated waiting more than anything else.

"Cohen? What the hell? What's going on? You didn't even say goodbye."

"Can you come over here?"

"Cohen?" Summer asked again. "What's going on?"

"It's just....well, not to rely on an old cliché or anything, but I think the shit just hit the fan."

"What are you talking about?"

"Please, just come over here and I'll explain. I just...can't be alone right now."

"Where are your parents?" Seth sighed.

"My mom apparently went to Chino tonight to check up on Ryan, and my dad just left to go down there too, because apparently something's happened. Could you...."

"Oh God, Cohen, I'm on my way," Summer said before Seth heard the dial tone. He ran a hand through his hair and went back inside to wait for Summer to come, and for his father to call him and let him know what was going on.

Why had his mother gone there by herself? Seth was all for going down and getting Ryan out of that house, but he had assumed that it would be his father taking care of the situation, and not his mother. Not that he thought his mother couldn't handle it, but it was just...this kind of stuff was his dad's domain. And now, what had happened? His dad had called the police, so something was up, and then he had been shouting into the phone for his mom, so Seth was fairly sure that his mother had called and whatever she had said on the phone had made Sandy call the police and speed away in his car. So what did she say? And was she okay? Was Ryan okay? Seth's head was spinning and he wished two things, that Summer would get there soon so that he could talk over everything that was running through his head with someone else, and that everyone had just listened to him in the first place when he had said not to let Ryan go back there.

Seth had decided a long time ago that everything would be better, always, if everyone just learned to take his advice.

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Sandy made it down to Chino in record time. He figured that was mostly due to excessive speeding, and the few stop signs and even red lights that he had run. He was almost daring a cop to pull him over. Sandy found the street of the address that Dave had left them and his heart sank when he saw the police cars in front of what he presumed to be the right house. It sank even further when he saw the ambulance parked there as well. Kirsten. Ryan. The names repeated in his head like a broken record. Ryan. Kirsten. And guilt plagued him. Why hadn't he just told Dave Atwood on that first morning that it would be better for Ryan if he stayed out of his life?

And why hadn't Kirsten listened to him when he told her not to go down to Chino by herself? Why hadn't she just turned around and come back when he asked her to?

It was because she was so damn stubborn. A trait that he would admit, he shared as well, and a trait that usually he loved about her. Not right then, then he wished that she actually listened to him every once in awhile. Usually she was so level-headed about decisions. She thought every thing through to the very tiny of details. But it was because Ryan was involved. She would have reacted the same way if it had been Seth. She would have said, to hell with the consequences and rushed in to do whatever she could to save her son.

Sandy jumped out of the car and ran towards the house.

"Sir, you can't go in there," an officer stuck out his arm, blocking Sandy's path into the house.

"I called the police," Sandy said breathlessly. "My wife was in there. My foster son. What's happening? Where are they?"

"Sir, why don't you come with us?" Another officer stepped up, and Sandy noticed the serious expression on his face. What was wrong? Kirsten. Ryan. Repeating over and over again. They had to be okay. Kirsten. Ryan.

"Where are they?" Sandy repeated again. "Where's my wife? Where's my son?"

"Sir, why don't you follow us to the hospital and we can fill out the police report there?" Police report, Sandy didn't give a damn about a police report. But his stomach heaved at the word hospital.

"Hospital?" Sandy repeated. "Are they okay?"

"Sir, why don't you follow us?" The officer repeated.

"Are they okay?" Sandy yelled. "Tell me if they're okay."

"We don't know," the first officer said. "Why don't you ride to the hospital and the doctors will tell you? We don't know anything sir, other than we were called for a domestic disturbance and they took a woman, mid-thirties, I'm assuming your wife, and a kid, about sixteen to the hospital with injuries. I don't know how severe. It could be just stitches," the officer offered when he saw Sandy's face.

"Okay," Sandy said taking a deep breath. He had to keep in control. Kirsten and Ryan were taken to the hospital. It could be nothing. It could be just stitches as the officer had suggested.

But what if it wasn't?

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Ohhh, another cliffhanger. You must really hate me right now, haha. Okay, but I'm being quick with these updates right? That has to count for something? No? All right. Please review anyway, and tell me what you think....of the story...not of me. I'm sure that you really don't like me right now.


	9. Have you got what you need?

Sorry this one took a little longer, this was the first home football game for my school and so that meant plenty of drunken debauchery all weekend. Haha, I think my liver and I are still recovering. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think and if you still like it. By the way, if I could I would give each and every one of you a cookie, alas I cannot. But you do have my undying gratitude, and that's something, right?

Disclaimer: The characters, once again, are not mine.

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Sandy rushed into the hospital after the cops.

"We'll check for you, wait here," the one said. Sandy hated to wait. He wanted to run through the rooms checking for his wife and Ryan. He wanted to see them, and hold them and make sure that they were both okay.

"Sir, there was a Kirsten Cohen and a Ryan Atwood brought in, they can take you back to see Ryan right now," Officer Wesley, Sandy had learned his name, told him.

"Is he okay? What about Kirsten?" Sandy asked. Wesley shrugged.

"Sorry, I don't know about your wife, but the doctor said the kid is going to be fine. A broken wrist and a mild concussion and some stitches," Wesley said. "Come on back and see him for yourself." Sandy didn't know how he got his feet moving, but he managed to follow Wesley back to Ryan's room. Ryan's eyes were closed, but Sandy knew that he was awake still. His arm had already been placed in the cast and he had a bandage on his forehead. He opened one eye when Sandy came in and Sandy smiled at him.

"Hey kid," he said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm so sorry, Sandy," Ryan said. "I tried to get her to leave, but she wouldn't. It's my fault."

"No it's not kiddo, she stayed because she loves you, she stayed because she wanted you out of that house," Sandy said.

"But that's my fault," Ryan argued. "Because I went back in the first place, and because I wouldn't leave the first time she asked." He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, and Sandy thought he might be fighting the urge to cry. He knew that he was certainly fighting the urge to cry. How had this happened? And where was Kirsten? "Is she okay? Kirsten, I mean?"

"I don't know, they haven't told me anything yet, what happened?" Sandy held his breath. Please have it not be bad, he thought. Ryan was okay. A broken wrist, some stitches, nothing too serious. Kirsten probably was the same way.

"My dad, he had her, and when I tried to get him to let her go, she fell, and she hit her head off the coffee table and blacked out," Ryan said. Sandy let out the breath that he had been holding. That was it. She just hit her head. A concussion, but nothing too serious. Nothing life threatening. "But then, my dad, he doesn't....he was drunk Sandy, and he was pissed off."

"At you?"

"More at her," Ryan said. "He screamed at her to leave...and she wouldn't." God, Kirsten, Sandy thought. Why are you so damned stubborn? But he didn't stop Ryan from talking. It was as if floodgates had opened and words just came spilling out of his mouth. "So then he kept kicking her, a few times. Dawn, she screamed for him to stop, but he was just so angry at her. And Kirsten couldn't defend herself, and I tried, Sandy, but he kept throwing me off, and Dawn grabbed my arm to keep me from getting my dad angrier. I tried so hard to get to her and make him stop." Ryan shook the image of Kirsten on the ground, her head bleeding and her arm already bruising, and his father standing over her. He could still feel his mother's death grip on his arm as he tried to pull away to help Kirsten, and he could remember crawling across the floor to get to her once his parents heard the sirens and ran. He had pulled her into his arms. 

"Kirsten, wake up," he had begged. Her breathing had been shallow and Ryan had wondered how hard his father had kicked her and if there was any serious internal damage. And the thought that Sandy was going to kill him for letting her get hurt kept running through his head. He had gotten Kirsten hurt. It was his fault.

"It's not your fault kid," Sandy said, almost reading Ryan's mind.

"I couldn't get Dawn to let me go, and I couldn't stop my father. He kept kicking her Sandy. She was helpless, and he kept kicking her." Talk about kicking someone when they're down, Ryan thought bitterly. How could his father hurt her? She was a woman. She had done nothing wrong. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he motioned for Sandy to hand him a bucket and then he began throwing up.

"Mr. Cohen?" A voice behind him said. Sandy turned around.

"Yes?"

"I'm Dr. Harris, I've been treating your wife."

"How is she? Where is she?"

"Why don't we step outside?"

"I want to hear," Ryan said lying back against his pillows. Sandy shrugged.

"I'm just going to come back in here and tell him anyway," he told the doctor. The doctor looked at Ryan warily and then finally nodded.

"Your wife has suffered a concussion, we aren't sure of how severe yet, and won't be until she wakes up." Wakes up? Why wasn't she awake now? Sandy wanted to yell, but instead, he kept his mouth shut and nodded. "And she broke a few ribs and one of those ribs punctured her spleen. We've taken her up to surgery to remove the spleen and control the internal bleeding. That's where she still is. If you would like I can take you to the surgery waiting room?" Sandy felt numb, and couldn't form an answer to the doctor's question. The words swam around in his head. But she would be okay. She had to be okay.

"Go ahead Sandy," Ryan's voice broke him out of his thoughts. "Kirsten needs you more than I do." Ryan felt incredibly guilty. Kirsten was in surgery, and it was his fault. It had happened because he couldn't stop his father. He had failed her.

"No, I can...I'll call Seth and Caleb and have them come down and sit with you until you get released and then you can come up with me?" Sandy finally wrapped his head around what the doctor had said. Why hadn't he stopped her somehow? He knew it was almost impossible, that once Kirsten got something in her head, it was very hard to talk her out of it. But why hadn't he done a better job of convincing her? Why hadn't he headed towards Chino the second he found out that she was there trying to get Ryan to come home? He could have possibly prevented this. He could have done something, anything.

Sandy had never felt so helpless and so guilty at the same time. He had failed Ryan by not controlling the situation and by letting Dave and Dawn take him back, and he had failed Kirsten.

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Seth had answered the phone on the first ring. He and Summer hadn't been talking, they were now just sitting on the back patio watching the ocean. Summer was doing her best to keep him calm and thinking about something other than his mother and Ryan. But as soon as the phone rang, Seth dove for it.

"Hello?" Summer sat up and listened to his side of the conversation. From what she could tell already, it wasn't good. "Are they okay? Is she going to be okay? What did the doctor say? When's Ryan getting released? Okay. Okay. No, Summer is here, we can come down. Okay. I'll see you then. I love you too Dad." Seth hung up and was silent for a minute.

"What's the matter? Seth? What happened?" Summer said.

"We need to get to the hospital in Chino," Seth said. "Ryan broke his wrist and has a mild concussion." Seth felt sick. Who could do that to his son? Who could break his son's wrist? Who could break a woman's ribs and not even blink? Seth just couldn't understand what kind of a person did that.

"And your mom?" Summer was growing impatient. Seth was in some state of shock, and not talking, which meant that it was bad. It also made Summer want to know what had happened even more.

"She's in surgery. Dave broke her ribs and one punctured her spleen."

"Oh God, Cohen..."

"Can we go down there? Can you drive me down there?"

"Sure, let's go." Summer grabbed her purse and her car keys and they headed out towards where her car was parked in the driveway. Just as they had gotten in and were pulling out, Marissa came running out of her house.

"Summer! Seth!" She yelled. Summer stopped. "Are you going to the hospital? Can I come?"

"How did you know?" Seth asked as Marissa jumped in and Summer pulled out completely.

"Your dad just called Caleb and he was over our house picking up my mom for dinner. He wouldn't let me come with them, but I saw your car and figured that's where you guys were going."

"Is Grandpa mad?" Seth asked. He could envision his grandfather yelling and screaming into the phone at his father that it was his fault, that this had happened because Sandy had brought home that juvenile delinquent. That he had told him that it was a bad idea, and now look, Kirsten had gotten hurt because of it.

"No," Marissa said. "He was just sitting there. Like he didn't know what to do. And then finally, my mom got him up and into the car and they drove away. It was so weird. It was almost as if the wind had been knocked out of Caleb's sails." Summer then realized that if anything happened to Kirsten, the Cohen/Nichol clan would fall apart. Seth could complain all he wanted about his over-protective parents, but he wouldn't know what to do without his mother. And Sandy....he would just break down without her, Summer knew that much for certain. And she was Caleb's daughter, Caleb who had witnessed his beloved wife die. Summer knew that he might act big and bad, but if Kirsten died, it would shatter him. He couldn't lose both his wife and the daughter that reminded him so much of her.

"She's going to be fine," Summer said out of no where. Seth looked over at her surprised.

"What?"

"Your mom. She's going to be fine. She has to be." Fate wasn't that cruel. Ryan finally got a mother, Seth finally reconnected with his mother, and Sandy finally got his wife to come home from the office before ten at night and now had a healthy relationship, the best that Summer had ever seen, there was no way that she would die now.

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Caleb and Julie found Sandy sitting in the waiting room, his head in his hands.

"What's the matter? Is she okay? Is she out of surgery yet?" Caleb bombarded Sandy with questions. Sandy looked up.

"She's not out of surgery yet, no," Sandy said. "They haven't come out and told me anything. Is Seth here?" This went largely unanswered by Caleb who had begun to pace the floor and was complaining about the state of the hospital and muttering about how he was going to get Kirsten transferred to HOAG as soon as she was stable.

"Where are the doctors? Why aren't they out here talking to us and telling us how she is?"

"Cal, sit down, you're making me dizzy," Julie complained and Caleb spun towards her. He had actually forgotten that she was there, that she had driven him all the way down to Chino. He had been so focused on getting there. Getting to his daughter. Making sure that she was okay. He swore when Sandy called that his heart stopped.

"Sanford, are the doctors in there the best doctors in this hospital?" Caleb spun back around to face Sandy and Sandy shrugged.

"I don't know Caleb," Sandy said tiredly. "I'm going to go check on Ryan. See if Seth got here. I'll be back. Call me if something happens." With that, he took his leave and hurried downstairs. He wanted to check on Ryan, but he didn't want to leave the waiting room, in case the doctors came out, in case something happened. Sandy breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Seth, Marissa, and Summer arguing with the nurses to let them back to see Ryan. He could leave Ryan now without feeling guilty.

"Hey," he said tiredly.

"Dad." Seth went into his arms and Sandy didn't complain. It wasn't often that Seth showed any kind of affection, and Sandy needed the hug. He needed to hold his son in his arms. "How's Mom?"

"Still in surgery. Hi girls, thanks for coming down."

"Sure Mr. Cohen," Marissa said.

"Dad, they won't let us go back and see Ryan. That evil woman right there," Seth pointed to a woman sitting behind the desk. She looked up when he pointed. "Her. The devil in white. You heard me, the devil."

"They will now, come with me," Sandy said and he led the way to Ryan's room. "Can you stay down here with him and keep him company until your mother is out of surgery?"

"Of course," Summer answered. Sandy opened the door and the three kids filed in.

"Oh God," Marissa said hurrying over to his side.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Ryan said. "It's not as bad as Kirsten's. Go back up Sandy. We'll be fine here. We'll call you when they're going to release me." He didn't want Sandy staying there with him any more than was necessary. Kirsten was the one who needed him. She was in surgery because of him and she would need her husband.

"So when are they letting you blow this popsicle stand?" Seth asked sitting down in the chair next to Ryan's bed.

"Not sure," Ryan said shrugging. "Pretty soon I think."

"I'm going to go back upstairs," Sandy said. "You feeling okay kid?"

"Fine," Ryan answered automatically.

"Will you tell us if anything happens?" Seth asked as his father exited the room.

"Of course," Sandy promised. He closed the door to Ryan's room behind him and rested his head against the wall and for the first time all day allowed the tears that he had been holding back to fall. Sandy cried for Ryan, who had been betrayed one more time by his parents, and for Kirsten, who had just wanted her son back home safe and sound.

But mostly he cried because there was nothing else he could do.

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Hi! Please don't kill me. The fact that Dave and Dawn haven't been mentioned has not slipped my mind, I will deal with them next chapter. You just have to review! Tell me what you thought of this chapter. Thanks!


	10. Whose wings do you steal?

Oh my goodness gracious! I want to hug all of you and send you cookies. But....um....that's not realistic, so let me just tell you that you rule. All of you! Here's the next chapter, please review and let me know and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Right, I don't own them. Got it.

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Tiredly, Sandy went back to the waiting room once he had gotten himself calmed down. Caleb had finished pacing and now was sitting in one of the hard plastic chairs talking very animatedly to Julie. Sandy wondered if the hospital made the chairs so uncomfortable on purpose. Just another way to make the whole experience that much more unpleasant.

"The girls and Seth are downstairs with Ryan," Sandy said sighing as he sat in the chair next to Julie and leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

"Girls?" Julie repeated. "What girls?"

"Marissa and Summer," Sandy replied without opening his eyes.

"She went to go see him? We told her that she couldn't!" Julie looked to Caleb hoping that he would reinforce her on this issue.

"Julie," Caleb said. "There are more important things right now rather than whether or not Marissa came to see her boyfriend or not." Julie immediately felt ashamed. Of course there were bigger things. Kirsten was in surgery. Sandy's wife, and Caleb's daughter, and they didn't want to have to worry about her own daughter who had just come down with her best friend to see her boyfriend. Julie forgot sometimes that the world didn't revolve around her and her daughters like she thought it should.

"Sorry," Julie said sitting back. "Can I get anyone anything? I'm going to go get a coffee."

"I'll take a coffee," Sandy said reopening his eyes.

"Cal?"

"I'm good thanks, Julie," Caleb said. Julie nodded and left the two men alone.

"She's going to be okay Cal," Sandy said finally. He didn't know who he was trying to convince, himself or Caleb.

"I know," Caleb said. "She's a Nichol. Of course she's going to be fine." Sandy let out a small laugh at this.

"She sure is stubborn," Sandy said.

"She gets that from her mother," Caleb replied. At this, Sandy let out a big laugh.

"She gets that from you," he told Caleb.

"Well, you didn't help. Turning her into a bleeding heart liberal. She's stubborn and always right. Now she's almost insufferable," Caleb complained. "Telling me that I need to think about other people more." Caleb let out an exasperated sigh. "I need to break her of that. We'll work on that when she gets out of here." When, Sandy thought, not if.

"And her cooking. We need to work on her cooking," Sandy said. "God, do you remember the time that she tried to bake Kate's favorite kind of cookies for her birthday that first year we moved back here?"

"She forgot the flour?" Caleb laughed. "And they just melted onto the pan?"

"She cried all night about that Cal," Sandy said remembering how he had run a hand over his wife's back convincing her that her mother had known that she had tried and that she had appreciated the effort, even if there was nothing to show for it.

"When she was little," Caleb said. "She would even burn those little cookies that came with the easy bake oven. I couldn't understand it. It's a lightbulb. How do you burn something when you're cooking it with a lightbulb?" Sandy was laughing so hard by this point that tears were streaming from his eyes.

"She caught our apartment building on fire trying to cook for me on our first anniversary," he shared with Caleb. "It was awful. Everyone had to evacuate and she kept apologizing to everyone who lived there, and to the firemen who came to put out the fire." Kirsten had offered to bake some cookies for the firemen, who had shared an amused look with Sandy and quickly told her that it was quite all right.

"Learn the art of ordering in," the one had told Sandy clapping him on the back as they left. Kirsten's bottom lip had quivered.

"I'm so sorry, Sandy," she said and Sandy had pulled her close to him and had assured her that he wasn't really hungry.

"She's just like her mother," Caleb said quietly. "Exactly like her. She has her temper."

"Oh don't I know it," Sandy told him. "I don't even want to count how many times she's locked our bedroom door with a pile of pillows and blankets sitting outside."

"Kate used to do that too," Caleb said. He closed his eyes. "I can't lose her Sandy." Sandy looked over at his father-in-law surprised. This couldn't be the same shrewd business man who would sabotage his own daughter's marriage for a deal. The old man was human after all, Sandy thought to himself.

Julie came in and Caleb started complaining loudly once again. Yelling that the hospital staff was incompetent, and demanding at the desk that someone come out and tell them something.

"And why haven't they found the bastard who did this?" Caleb asked coming back over to where Julie and Sandy were sipping their coffees.

Dave and Dawn. In all the commotion, Sandy had almost forgotten about them. Dave had to be in violation of his parole. Assault charges would be filed. Just as Caleb was about to go off on another tangent, the doctor came out and Sandy jumped to his feet.

"Mr. Cohen?"

"Yes?"

"Your wife's surgery went well," the doctor started. "We removed her spleen and managed to control the internal bleeding. All in all it was successful. She's being moved to ICU where you can go see her. She's not completely out of the woods yet, and there's still her head wound that's causing some concern, but she should be just fine." Sandy let out a sigh of relief and Caleb closed his eyes. "If you would like to come with me, I'll take you to her. I'm sorry, but right now, only one person at a time can go back to see her, and only family."

"You go first Sanford, I'll go tell the kids that's she's going to be okay," Caleb said and Sandy left the waiting room and followed the doctor.

Kirsten was okay. The surgery had gone well, and she was going to be okay. Sandy didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry, but he knew that he wanted to see her. He wanted to touch her and make sure that she was real.

They arrived outside her door, and Sandy stepped inside the room. Her blonde hair was fanned out on her pillow and she looked so pale. He hated to see her like this. He hated that his strong, resilient wife looked so helpless and tiny on the bed.

"She's going to have to be careful of infections," the doctor told Sandy. "Any little thing that normally you wouldn't worry about, sore throats, sinus infections, you need to seek medical attention for her so that she can get some antibiotics."

"She's going to be okay though?"

"She should be just fine," the doctor's pager went off and he smiled at Sandy before excusing himself and leaving Sandy alone with Kirsten.

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Caleb and Julie went down to Ryan's room just as he was being released.

"Mom!" Marissa said when she spotted her mother. "I can explain."

"It's okay," Julie said surprising everyone, including herself. "There are more important things to deal with."

"Is Mom okay?" Seth said paling instantly.

"She's out of surgery, which the doctor said went well. They're still a little concerned about her concussion, but he said that she should be just fine," Caleb told his grandson.

"Oh thank God," Summer breathed.

"Can we see her?" Ryan asked.

"Not right now, one person at a time," Caleb said. "And Sandy's in there with her."

"Can we at least go up to the waiting room?" Seth asked.

"We can do that," Julie said. They gathered their things and the nurse came in with a wheel chair for Ryan.

"But I don't need one," he argued.

"Hospital policy," she said shrugging.

"But I'm not leaving. I'm just going upstairs."

"I don't know what to tell you," the nurse said. "Except get in the damn chair."

"Geez," Seth whispered to Summer. "See what I meant about the devil in white? She may seem like a kind and good nurturer, but she's really sadistic."

"Cohen?" Summer said as she walked out of the room following Marissa who was pushing Ryan's chair.

"Yes sweetums?"

"Shut up." But Summer was glad to see Seth back to his normal self. She didn't like worried Seth. Worried Seth was quite honestly a downer.

"Shutting up," Seth said. He noticed that Caleb was starting to walk the other way. "Grandpa? Where are you going?"

"I have to take care of something Seth, I'll be up there in a little while." That was cryptic and on any other day Seth would be demanding to know where he was going, and why that was more important than seeing his sick mother, but he was just so relieved that his mother was going to be okay, that he didn't even think to ask his grandfather more questions. Instead, he quickened his pace and caught up with the rest of the group as they made their way up to the ICU.

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Sandy knew that his wife wasn't always the most talkative person, but it was still disturbing to not have her respond at all. The nurse had said it was a good idea to talk to her, tell her good things, not things that would upset her. So he was trying his hardest.

"Ryan's okay," he told her. "He just has a broken wrist. No biggie. You took the brunt of it. You had to go be the hero, didn't you? He can come home with us. We're going to get a police escort to go get the rest of his things....this really isn't the best thing to be talking about. So okay....the weather's gorgeous. What am I talking about? The weather's always gorgeous....it's southern California....well, um....you know what? Seth's better at this rambling thing than I am. I know you claim that he gets it from me, and while you are probably right, I still don't think that I am nearly as bad as he is. You can argue all you want....well, I guess technically, you can't argue right now, huh? Not a great time for jokes, sorry....." He looked around her room and all the machines that were hooked up to her. God, if he got his hands on Dave Atwood. He could kill him. Sandy had never been a violent man, but for his wife, he would kill. And one look at her, the bruises on her arms and on her stomach, the bandage on her head, and he wanted to murder Dave in the most brutal way he could think of. He could enlist Seth, he figured that Seth could come up with some creative ways to dispose of Dave.

And Dawn. Who could stand by and just watch this and not do anything about it? She had held back Ryan, and he knew that this was for Ryan's safety, but she didn't do a damned thing to help Kirsten. He just couldn't understand who could do that. Who could not do anything to help a woman who had done so much for her?

"Well, gorgeous, since you aren't the most conversational person right now, I'm going to go get some coffee and check on Ryan and Seth. Maybe I'll let your dad come back and spend some time with you." Sandy knew that this was a lie. He was only leaving to check on the boys. He didn't want to leave her side, in case she woke up. There was no way that he was letting Caleb stay back here with her for an extended amount of time. A quick glimpse was all that Caleb got. And Sandy didn't care if that was unfair of him or not.

When he walked out into the waiting room, he saw everyone, minus Caleb, sitting in the chairs.

"Dad," Seth spotted him first. "How's she doing?"

"She's okay, would you like to go see her?"

"Can I? I mean, would you mind?" When had Seth gotten so old? So considerate?

"No, go ahead and see her."

"Thanks Dad," Seth grinned at his father.

"They said to talk to her, it helps," Sandy told his son. "It shouldn't be a problem for you."

"Yeah, yeah, make fun of the good conversationalist. My vocabulary is something to be envied, not mocked," Seth said as he walked away back towards his mother's room.

"She's really going to be okay?" Ryan asked when Sandy came down to sit next to him.

"Yeah, kid, she's really going to be okay." Ryan's body sagged in relief.

"I was so scared. When she stopped breathing...and all that blood from her head...and....."

"I know," Sandy said placing an arm around Ryan's shoulders. "She's okay now." They were silent for a minute.

"What about my parents?" Ryan asked quietly.

"Well, obviously you can't stay there," Sandy said.

"Obviously," Ryan chimed in.

"And your father is in violation of his parole, and your mother....I don't know about her, kiddo."

"So my dad...he's going back to jail?"

"I think so." Sandy studied Ryan's face. His head was hung and Sandy cursed his parents for what felt like the thousandth time that day for doing this to them. All of them. Kirsten and Ryan mostly, but to all of them.

"The way that he hurt her. The way that he didn't even blink when we were yelling at him to stop...." Ryan shook his head. "Who does that?" Sandy didn't have an answer for him so he didn't.

"Would you like to go see her?" Sandy asked.

"They said only family," Ryan said. Sandy smiled at him.

"Yeah, so I repeat, would you like to go see her?"

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That seems like a good place to leave off. I have to finish my paper for Western Civ...so I probably should go do that. But please review and let me know if you still like it. And where did Caleb go? And will Kirsten ever wake up?!? Review please and I'll let you know!


	11. And whom do you think of?

Sorry this took so long, it was another football weekend (i.e. translate that into I spent most of the weekend lying on the bathroom floor in the fetal position cursing the creators of alcohol), and Hurricane Ivan hit and there was massive flooding (it was crazy, the kids at my school turned some of the hills into slip and slides!) Anyway, I just got back from failing my first statistics exam so please review and make me feel better! Thanks!

Disclaimer: So not mine.

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Sandy really didn't notice that Caleb wasn't there any longer until Seth returned and Ryan disappeared to go see Kirsten.

"Where did your grandfather go?" Sandy asked Seth. He had been sure that Caleb would have been one of the first people to demand that he be allowed to go see Kirsten. Seth just shrugged as he took a seat next to Summer.

"Not sure, he said that he had something to take care of," Seth answered. Sandy felt his blood boil. And here he thought that Caleb was turning over a new leaf. In the waiting room talking to him, Sandy had actually thought that the old man had a heart. But where was he now? As soon as he heard that Kirsten was going to be okay, he took off. He didn't even go back to see Kirsten for himself. Sandy took a deep breath. He couldn't focus on Caleb right then. He had to save all of his energy for Kirsten.

"How'd it go back there?" Sandy asked.

"She looks so pale," Seth commented. "And you know, I made fun of her cooking, and the fact that she's spleenless now. I even made a pun comparing spleenless to spineless, and nothing. I expected her to sit up and say my name in that disapproving way that she always does." Sandy let out a small laugh.

"At least you talked to her, that's good. That's what they said to do. And don't worry, I'll remind her to yell at you when she wakes up." Seth nodded and was quiet for a second.

"She's really going to be okay, right Dad?" He looked at Sandy in a way that he hadn't looked at his father in a very long time. In that way he used to when he was little, and looked to Sandy to make sure that everything was going to be okay, was going to turn out okay. In that way so Sandy knew that Seth actually believed that he could make things better. And Sandy wanted to make things better for him. For Ryan. For Kirsten. He just wanted Kirsten to wake up.

He wanted more than anything to see her smile.

"She's going to be okay, Seth," Sandy assured him. "She's fine." Seth nodded.

"Good."

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Ryan walked into Kirsten's rooms and stood by the door. He wondered if when she woke up if she would blame him for what happened to her. He wondered if Sandy really blamed him despite all the times he had assured him that he didn't. When he looked at her, all he saw was her lying motionless on the ground, her breathing forced and heavy. How long would that last? Could he ever look at her again without seeing that? Would he always feel this guilty?

Ryan was almost scared for her to wake up. He shouldn't have gone back to her room. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't deal with her lying in that hospital bed and him being at least the partial cause of it. But he wanted to touch her. Feel her warm and still alive under his hand. He moved cautiously towards the bed and reached out and took her tiny hand in his. It felt cold. Then again, Kirsten's hands were always cold. Sandy claimed that she was the only woman in southern California who always wore a sweater.

"We could all be on the sun, melting and dying, and Kirsten would say, 'Is that a breeze? I swear I just felt a breeze. I need a sweater'," Sandy teased. Kirsten would stick her tongue out at him.

"I just don't like to be chilly," she argued.

"Mom, there's a difference between chilly, and 'Seth! Turn off the air conditioner, you could store meat in here!' when it's 92 degrees outside," Seth butted in.

"It's okay Kirsten," Ryan had jumped in. "You're allowed to be cold. They're just jealous because the two of them sweat like pigs."

"Thank you Ryan," Kirsten had said slipping an arm around his shoulders. "I always knew that I liked you best."

"Hey," Seth said. "First of all, I don't sweat, I glow. Second of all, Mom, I thought I was your favorite."

"Things change," Kirsten had told him to which Seth pretended to be hurt.

Ryan touched her face gently. She looked peaceful, at least, he thought. She didn't seem to be in much pain at least. He knew that she would be though, when she woke up. Just another reason that he was nervous for her to wake up. He didn't know if he could stand to see her in that much pain, and he knew that Sandy especially wouldn't be able to see her in any kind of pain. He had told Ryan once that when she was having Seth, it had broken his heart to see her with tears streaming down her face asking him to make the pain stop.

"I couldn't take it," Sandy told him. "I had to leave the room. I just couldn't see her like that. I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't make her stop hurting, and I hated that feeling. I calmed myself down and reminded myself that it wasn't about me, and went back in there to hold her hand, but it just...it broke my heart. I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat if I could have."

Sandy was probably going crazy, Ryan decided. Knowing the Kirsten was hurting and he couldn't make it better for her.

And again for about the hundredth time that day, Ryan was hit with a feeling of overwhelming guilt.

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Caleb returned two hours later, and Sandy was back in Kirsten's room with her. Julie looked up from her magazine when he walked in.

"Where have you been?" She asked.

"I had something to take care of," he said cryptically as he took a seat.

"What things?"

"Don't worry about it," he told her in a voice that told her not to argue with him about it anymore.

"But..." She started and he put his hand up.

"I said, don't worry about it." She knew not to argue anymore and just nodded.

"Sandy's back in there with her," she told him.

"Did she wake up?"

"Not yet."

"How long has he been back there? I want to be able to see her too." Then maybe you shouldn't have disappeared for hours, Julie wanted to tell him, but she kept her mouth shut.

"I'm not sure," she replied instead. Caleb sighed and settled back with a magazine, sighing loudly every few minutes to let everyone know that he was annoyed. He was surprised to see that the kids were still there. He figured that Seth and Ryan would stay, of course, but Marissa and Summer were still there too. Everyone waiting and hoping that Kirsten would wake up soon.

Sandy came out twenty minutes later to get some coffee, and Caleb announced that he was going to go see his daughter. He left no room for Sandy to argue, and stalked off back to Kirsten's room.

She looked so much like her mother. Kirsten had always favored Kate, much more so than Hailey. And he couldn't help but be reminded of Kate dying of cancer when he saw his daughter lying in the hospital bed, pale and tiny. It was too much. He couldn't see her like this; he couldn't be in here with her like this. He crossed over to the bed and took her hand in his. He would tell her more often that he loved her, he resolved. He would tell her how proud of her he was. How amazing she was. How he couldn't run the Newport group without her, even though he liked to pretend that she was expendable. Why did he do that? Why didn't he tell her every single day that he loved her?

"Kiki," he started and then remembered that she hated that name. "Kirsten, honey, I just wanted to let you know that I took care of it. He will never hurt you or the boy again." No one crossed Caleb Nichol, and tonight, Dave Atwood would learn that lesson.

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When Caleb came back out, only minutes later, Sandy went back to her room. He knew that Seth and Ryan wanted to go back again to see her, but Sandy honestly didn't care. He needed to be near her. He needed to be able to touch her.

Sandy couldn't blame Caleb for not wanting to be in his daughter's room for very long. He was sure that it brought back painful memories, and besides that, it was awful to see Kirsten like that. So helpless. It wasn't a word normally connected with his wife.

"Hey beautiful," Sandy said taking a seat in the chair next to her bed and taking her hand. "You going to wake up for us soon? Seth's been teasing you, and Ryan's been overcome with guilt. So you know, you have to wake up to dish out punishment to one and to assure the other. I tried telling him that you didn't blame him, that if you had to, you would do it again. But he won't listen." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I love you." He held her hand in his and closed his eyes for a second. He wasn't particularly religious. Sure, he celebrated all the holidays, but he knew that he could be more involved. But he had found himself praying all day. He had even caught Seth praying, although he knew that if he mentioned it to his son, he would deny it.

"Sandy?" His eyes shot open to see Kirsten's eyes fluttering open.

"Oh God, Kirsten," he said leaning forward to kiss her on the lips. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? You scared the crap out of us honey."

"My side hurts," she said placing her hand on her stomach.

"You punctured your spleen ,and they had to remove it," Sandy explained. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Ryan," she said suddenly. "Is Ryan okay?"

"He's fine. Broken wrist, and wracked with guilt, but okay."

"It wasn't his fault."

"I know that, and I tried telling him that, but you know, the damn kid just wouldn't listen. Reminds me of someone I know," he teased her. She reached up and touched his face.

"I was so scared," she admitted. "I fell, but I don't remember anything after that."

"Dave did a number on you," Sandy said, just saying it reminded him that they still have to find Dave and Dawn. They still had to press charges. They still had to deal with the aftermath of all of this.

"Sandy, I'm so sorry," she said. He took her hand, still on his face in his and gave it a squeeze and then kissed it.

"It's not your fault, you were doing what you thought was right."

"He's coming home now, right?" Kirsten said.

"Yes," Sandy said smiling at her. "He's coming home." And Sandy got what he had been praying for all day, Kirsten smiled at him.

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What did Caleb do?!?! And how will Ryan react to whatever he did? Haha, please review and let me know if you still enjoy it. You guys are the best, the very best, don't let anyone tell you any differently. Okay, I'm off to another class, blech. Review please!


	12. And where are you now?

Hello! Thanks so much for reviewing. I know I've said this a hundred times, but I will say it a hundred more. You guys rock. The very best. You all deserve awards of some kind. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and please review again, it means the world to me. And I'm sick, so you should all be trying to cheer me up because you feel so bad for me. I have the worst cold, and I can't stop sneezing, which is just no fun at all, and of course, I had two tests this week and a paper due. I'm starting to think that someone out there just really hates me. But you don't hate me right? Right!?!?! Okay, well, you're allowed to hate me, as long as you review please!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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Sandy burst into the waiting room and everyone looked up right away.

"She's awake," he said grinning.

"Oh thank God," Julie breathed as she hugged Caleb.

"Can we see her Dad?" Seth asked. He felt Summer's hand in his reassuring him and once again he was thankful that she was there with him. That she had stayed this whole time and waited with him. Not that she hadn't complained, but she at least had kept her complaining to a minimum, and for that Seth was grateful.

"One at a time," Sandy said. "Ryan, why don't you go back first?" Seth was about to open his mouth and complain that he wanted to see her, and he saw that his grandfather was going to do the same, but Ryan looked so nervous and relieved at the same time that Seth understood immediately why his father had sent his foster brother back first. All this time, he hadn't noticed how guilty Ryan looked. How guilty Ryan must have felt. His dad took a seat next to his grandfather, who was now grilling him for information about his mother. How was she feeling? Did her head hurt? Did she remember everything? What did she say? His grandfather bombarded his father with questions, and his dad did his best to keep his patience and answer each one.

Seth knew that his father didn't want to come out and let each of them have a turn with his mother. Sandy wanted nothing more than to be able to sit next to his wife, and listen to her talk and watch her smile, and it was killing him that he had to be patient and let the others have a chance to do the same. And Seth knew that he could be sensitive and tell his dad that he could wait to see her if Sandy wanted to spend more time with her.

But screw that. He wanted his mommy.

As much as he whined when his parents kissed, or threw around sexual references and innuendo like they were still twenty-somethings, Seth secretly liked it. Not that he would admit that. To anyone. Ever. But there was something about it. Something about the way that his father looked at his mother, something about the way that they both got that look on their faces when they talked highly of the other one. That was something that he wanted. Something that he thought he might have with Summer.

"I told you so," Summer said interrupting his thoughts.

"What?"

"I told you that she would be okay." Summer sat looking quite smug at him.

"Yes you did," Seth said.

"And what do you have to say now?"

"Sorry?" Seth tried. Sometimes he thought that Summer might be the one, and sometimes she just drove him up a wall.

"Cohen!" Next to him, he saw that his father was watching and was laughing at him a little. Only his girlfriend could take his mother almost dying, and make him somehow be in the wrong and need to apologize to her. It was a talent really, and Seth reminded himself to talk to her about marketing it.

"What are you laughing at Sanford? Did I say something funny?" His grandfather demanded. Now whose laughing, Seth thought smiling slightly to himself. He would much rather have to deal with Summer than Caleb.

"Cohen? Are you even listening to me?" Summer's voice sounded irritated. The truth was that he wasn't listening to her.

"Repeat what I just said," Summer said. Seth leaned his head back against the wall. He was rethinking his original thought.

Summer might be worse than his grandfather, or at the very least, it was a toss-up.

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Ryan opened the door gently and saw Kirsten lying in the bed, her one hand was on her stomach, and Ryan realized the amount of pain she must be in.

"Ryan honey," Kirsten smiled at him when he stepped in.

"Kirsten, how are you feeling? I'm so sorry," it came gushing out in one breath. "Do you need anything? Some more pain medicine? Does your side hurt? Should I get a doctor?" Apparently, he had turned into Seth. He took a deep breath. Calm down, he told himself.

"I'm okay," she said softly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Ryan said automatically.

"Sit down next to me," she said pointing to the empty chair next to her bed. Ryan obeyed and she reached out and touched his face. "I was worried about you, honey." She was worried about him? She was the one that almost died. And that had been his fault, hadn't it?

"Me?" Ryan couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice. "Kirsten, my dad....he could have killed you!"

"Yeah, and he could have killed you too," Kirsten responded. "When Seth came back and said that you were bruised, God, my heart just broke. I had failed you. Sandy and I....we were supposed to protect you. And what did we do? We let you go back there. We let you go back to a potentially dangerous situation." Potentially, Ryan scoffed. There was nothing potential about it. But it had been dangerous for her, and no matter what she said, or what Sandy said, he couldn't forgive himself for putting her in danger like that.

"But I chose that," Ryan said softly.

"But we let you. And we shouldn't have done that. If it had been Seth we would have come right out and said, no, no way."

"But I'm not Seth. I'm not your son," Ryan said. He didn't know why he was arguing with her. She was sick. He should be fluffing her pillows and running to get her ice chips and jello or whatever else they gave people in the hospital.

"You haven't caught on yet?" Kirsten asked him smiling gently. "You are my son. Maybe not by blood or name, but in every other way. If it had been Seth in that house, I would not have thought twice about going in and doing everything in my power to get him out. Risk everything to get him out, and I simply did the same for you. And if I had to, I would do it again."

"I wouldn't let you," Ryan said. "You shouldn't have gotten hurt because of my father." Ryan wouldn't meet her eye, and finally she took her hand and placed it under his chin and lifted it so that she could see his eyes.

"You are not your father, and you can not be blamed or held responsible for his actions. I'm okay, Ryan. I'm going to be just fine. And you're safe. And that is all that matters. Do you understand? I don't blame you, Sandy does not blame you. No one blames you." She could see the tears glistening in his eyes, unshed, because Ryan Atwood didn't cry, and she held out her arms and let him hug her, controlling herself so that she didn't wince in the pain that it caused. He finally began to sob, his hold body shaking with the tears and seeping into her hospital gown. She just held him, bit her lip in pain, and made soothing noises. Told him again and again that it was okay. That she was okay. He was okay, and everything could return back to normal. And things would return to normal and for that she was happy, unbelievably happy.

Because her son was safe. And he was coming home.

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Seth was the next to go back. He had been bouncing off the walls, and finally his grandfather had said,

"Fine, Seth go ahead first. God, Sanford, he gets this from your side." And Seth had been allowed to go back to see his mother as soon as Ryan appeared in the hallway. Seth bolted down the hall and paused in front of the closed door. He took a deep breath, calming himself down, and opened the door.

"Seth," his mother looked exhausted, but she smiled when he came in.

"Hi Mom," Seth said crossing over. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "How are you feeling? Have they been giving you enough drugs? And if they have been, can I have a car?"

"Nice try Seth," Kirsten said laughing a little. Her face then contorted in pain and Seth jumped out of the chair that he had been sitting in.

"Do you need something? Should I go get a doctor? Or Dad? I'll go get Dad...."

"Seth, sit down," Kirsten said breathing through the pain. "It'll go away in a second. Just please don't make me laugh."

"I'll try my hardest," Seth promised. "How about this? This is my melancholy face. How is it?" Kirsten forced down another laugh.

"It's great Seth," she said softly.

"Mom, you scared the shit out of us."

"Seth, language." She might be in pain and just had surgery, but Seth should have figured that she would still have her mother instincts in tact. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you go in there? Why didn't you leave? Weren't you scared?" Seth asked. He had been scared. He had been terrified of Dave Atwood, and yet his tiny mother had stood up to him.

"I was terrified," Kirsten admitted. "For Ryan mostly, but for myself too. I couldn't leave though Seth, I couldn't leave him there. You'll understand when you have kids. He was in danger, and I couldn't just leave him there." Seth nodded, he didn't quite understand, but he was still grateful that Ryan was coming home, and that his mother was going to be okay.

"Dad was going crazy," Seth reported leaning back against the chair and sticking his feet up on her bed. "I mean, he was even conversing with Grandpa. Like they were old friends or something. And if that's not crazy, well then, my name isn't Seth Cohen."

"Seth, get your feet off my bed. Look what you're doing to the sheets!" Kirsten reprimanded.

"Did you hear what I said?" Seth said ignoring her and keeping his feet right where they were. This was what he had needed. He needed his mother to still be his mother, and to still yell at him about stupid things. To not feel like someone was squeezing his insides when he thought about what had happened in that house in Chino.

"Yes, Seth. I'm serious, move your feet. You always put your feet where feet shouldn't be put."

"On the contraire Mother, beds were designed to have feet placed upon them."

"My feet, Seth, not your dirty feet."

"Are you not a foot equal opportunist?"

"Oh Seth," Kirsten sighed and she reached out and took his hand. "I love you."

"Getting all mushy on me, huh?" Seth asked. He threw his feet off the bed and leaned forward for a hug. "I love you too."

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"Mr. Cohen?" An officer came into the waiting room. "Sandy Cohen?"

"Yes?" Sandy stood up from his seat next to Ryan. He knew that they still had to question Kirsten about what happened, but he had hoped to let Seth spend a little more time with his mother. And besides, she was still sick. The lawyer in him knew that they had to talk to her, but the husband in him just wanted to protect his wife, and make everything go away for her.

"Sir, we received a call about twenty minutes that we responded to. They found the body of a male, early forties that matched the description of the man who attacked your wife. We know that you want to stay with your wife, but we'd like you to come with us to the morgue to identify the body, if you wouldn't mind?" Sandy's head was spinning. Someone had killed Dave Atwood? Who would have done that? And then the thought dawned on him.

Caleb.

When he left for that hour. Where had he gone? What had he done? Was this the thing that he said that he had to take care of? Did Caleb really send someone to kill Dave Atwood?

"Sure," Sandy replied trying to get his thoughts together. "Can I just stop and tell my wife where I'm going and that I will be back?"

"Of course," the officer said. "Go right ahead. We'll wait right here."

"Sandy," Ryan's voice broke his thoughts. He had forgotten about Ryan. He had forgotten that Ryan was right there with him. Caleb and Julie had gone to get something to eat, and Summer was talking to Marissa about clothes or something. He and Ryan had been talking about Sandy and Kirsten's wedding day.

"Ryan," Sandy turned back around to face his son. "You need to stay here okay? Why don't you go sit with Kirsten?"

"Sandy," Ryan said again. "I want to come with you."

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Dun, dun, dun. Okay, sorry, I know, I know, another cliffhanger. Please don't hurt me? And leave a review okay? Thanks!


	13. When the night is your home

Oh my goodness, you guys outdo yourselves every time! It has been a very long, but good, weekend, and now I have to go read for my Shakespeare class, which I have to tell you, I am not looking forward to. Anyone want to read "Henry V" for me? Please? I'll give you five dollars...that's really all I have right now. But please? No takers huh? Fine. Read and review please! Oh, but first, some shoutouts to some particularly awesome people:

HateToSayIToldYouSo: Thanks for the get well wishes! And one of my professors just told me that sneezing is what your body enjoys second to sex, so you are not alone in your enjoyment of sneezing. And you could totally send me a basket of flowers, I wouldn't think it was creepy...actually no, I would. But if there was a 16 page card attached extolling me and all my wonderfulness, I might rethink my position on the whole creepy thing.

Phaze: Sorry, sorry for making you cry, but I could send you a box of tissues and that would make up for it right? And don't worry, everything will work out, I promise!

Melissa1987: Liking Caleb for that doesn't make you weird. I swear.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. Poop.

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Sandy, for the first time ever since Ryan had met him, looked like he had no idea what to do.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sandy said softly.

"I want to go," Ryan said. He looked determined, and Sandy knew that there was no arguing with him like this. This was the same look that Kirsten got on her face when she was about to defend something, or someone, that she felt strongly about. It was the look that she had gotten when she had first brought Sandy home and her father had told her in no uncertain words that he hated him.

"Ryan," Sandy tried one more time.

"No, Sandy, I want to go." And Sandy knew that he had to let him come, even though it could not turn out good.

"Fine, kid, stay here while I tell Kirsten, okay?" Ryan nodded and Sandy hurried back to Kirsten's room. He paused for a minute to watch through the window. She had fallen back asleep, a good thing actually, because she was still in massive amounts of pain and she was exhausted, and Seth was watching her sleep while holding her hand. Sandy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. What a long day and now night they all had had, and it was just continuing to get longer and more complicated.

He opened the door, and she stirred and Seth looked up.

"Hey Dad, do I have to go? Did you want to sit wit her for awhile?" Seth asked hinting that he really didn't want to go anywhere. Sandy shook his head and almost smiled of the look of relief that passed over Seth's face.

"I just needed to run somewhere and wanted to tell her that I would be back soon," he said.

"I can tell her," Seth assured him. "If she wakes up." Sandy just nodded and crossed over to his wife and leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. Had Caleb really gotten Dave killed? A part of Sandy was stunned that Caleb would have gone to such an extreme level, and a part of him was jealous, that he hadn't been able to do it.

"Sandy?" Kirsten's eyes blinked open and he gave her a gentle smile.

"Hi babe, listen, I have to go with Ryan somewhere, but we'll be back in a little bit okay?"

"Where?" She asked. Sandy should have guessed that she would ask. He was being quite vague about where he was heading off to. But he certainly didn't want to get her worked up, not in the state that she was in.

"Honey, I'll tell you all about it when I get back okay?"

"Sandy..."

"Please, just rest, okay?" He gave her a kiss on the lips and before she could ask him any more questions, he disappeared out the door.

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Ryan and Sandy followed the officer into a small room. Ryan was trying very hard to keep himself under control. What if that was his father in there? He had no idea what he would do, what he would feel. Dave was still his father, but....the way he had so merciless kicked Kirsten, the way that he had tossed her to the ground. Who did that? Every time Ryan closed his eyes, he could see her lying on the ground, bleeding. She had just been trying to help him, she was just trying to get him out of that house so that he could come home with her and Sandy and Seth. Home to people who loved him. She had put herself in danger for him, and she had ended up lying on the floor bleeding.

And his father had done that.

Ryan was shaking when they opened the door to step into the room to identify the body. Sandy had told him the entire way down there that he didn't have to do this.

"I can do this myself kid," Sandy said again and again.

"No," Ryan shook his head. "I have to do this. I have to." And Sandy had reluctantly agreed.

"If at any time, you want to leave, you just tell me, okay?" Sandy said before they stepped inside. Ryan had nodded. He couldn't leave though. He had to go in there. He had to see for himself if that was his father or not. He had to.

"Okay," Ryan had said and Sandy had reached out spontaneously and wrapped his arms around Ryan and pulled him in for a hug. Ryan was never good at affection, but was learning to deal with it with the Cohens, who were extremely affectionate people. Sandy especially. He was always trying to hug Seth, or ruffle his hair, and everyone knew that he couldn't keep his hands off of Kirsten. At first, he hadn't known his boundaries with Ryan, and so he wouldn't pull him for hugs or try to touch him too much, but that initial awkwardness had melted away and Ryan had to duck out the way of Sandy's hugs just like Seth did. But he didn't sometimes, and this was one of those times.

This time Ryan allowed Sandy to hold him. He knew what an absolutely awful night it had been for Sandy, and it didn't look to be getting any better any time soon. Except that now Kirsten was awake. He could see the weight that lifted off of Sandy's shoulders. He could see the relief still written on Sandy's face. But now it was etched with worry again, but not for Kirsten this time, for Ryan.

"Whatever happens in there, kid," Sandy said rocking his foster son slightly back and forth. "We're here for you. Kirsten and Seth and me, we're all here for you. We love you and we're going to get through this. All of this, as a family." Family. It was a funny word, Ryan thought. Because it was family that had gotten them all into this mess to begin with. It was family obligation and loyalty that had brought Ryan back to his parents. It was that second chance for a family that had motivated him to leave the Cohens in the first place.

But it was family that had brought Kirsten down to Chino to bring him home. Because she thought of him like that. She thought of him as family. It was family that had gathered in that hospital waiting room for hours waiting for Kirsten to wake up. It was the Cohen family that took him in and showed him that he was able to love without regrets, and was able to be loved back.

Ryan didn't know what to think about the word family. But he didn't say that to Sandy, to Sandy he nodded, and whispered.

"Thanks." And then he stepped into the room.

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Caleb was being awfully quiet, Julie determined. They had left to get something to eat, and he hadn't been talkative. Not that Caleb was usually very talkative, but he usually answered using more than one syllable. She knew that he had a lot on his mind, with Kirsten and everything, and she just chalked up his silence to that.

"I'm going to go back and see Kiki," Caleb said when they returned to the hospital waiting room. "Why don't you take the kids home so that they can shower and get some sleep?" Caleb knew better than to include Sandy in that. He knew that there was no way that Sandy was leaving Kirsten's side. The waiting room was as far as Sandy would go away from her. He was then terribly surprised to find that both Sandy and Ryan had gone somewhere. But that was fine with him, that meant less people to contend with to go back and visit with Kirsten. Caleb told Seth that Julie would take him and the girls home to change.

"I don't want to," Seth said shaking his head.

"Seth," his grandfather said. "You have to. She's going to be in here for awhile and you need to get some sleep and take a shower. There's no need for all of us to sit around her waiting. We'll come and get you in the morning and you can spend more time with her then." Caleb left little room for Seth to argue with him. Seth huffed and then finally agreed leaving Caleb alone.

Kirsten was sleeping when he stepped into her room. It was the first time that he had gotten to spend some time with her since she woke up. She opened her eyes at the sound of the door opening and smiled up at him.

"Hey Dad," she said. Caleb took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth and gave it a kiss.

"Hi Kiki," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Eh," Kirsten answered honestly. Her side was killing her, and because of the broken ribs, it was very hard to take a breath.

"Well, you better get well soon so that we can see you back at work. You know, those Japanese business men won't listen to me," Caleb told her. Kirsten nearly rolled her eyes. Some things, she thought, never change. But then her father got very quiet.

"Kirsten," he said. "I just want you to know, that I love you. And I should say it more. I'm so proud of you, and all that you've done. And whatever happens, I just want you to remember that. Remember that I did everything for you and your sister and your mother. Everything I did was for you." With that, Caleb wrapped his arms around his daughter, being very careful not to hurt her, and hugged her as tightly as he could. And Kirsten just sat there, in complete and utter shock. This was not like her father. Not her cold, calculating father. This was completely out of character for him.

But she just returned the hug and wondered what the words, whatever happens, meant.

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They led Ryan and Sandy into the room where the body was lying on the table covered with a sheet. Sandy reached out and took Ryan's hand, and wondered if he would let him, or automatically yank his hand out Sandy's grip. Sandy was most pleased when he saw that Ryan didn't take his hand away.

It made Sandy wonder though, how feeble of a grip Ryan had on control right now, if he was letting someone hold his hand.

"Are you ready?" The coroner asked. Ryan managed half a nod, and Sandy spoke up.

"Yes," he said. The coroner pulled back the sheet and Ryan felt like he was going to throw up.

"Yes," Ryan said. "That's him."

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Uh-oh! Was it really Caleb who killed him? Or is he completely innocent and we're all reading just too much into this? I know, and you will too, only if you review though! Thanks!


	14. No thought for the dead?

Oh, you are the best. The very, very best. Here's the next chapter, I hope you guys still are enjoying it! Please let me know if you are. I had the longest day today, and tomorrow is going to be even longer because I have Shakespeare and Statistics back to back. How much does that suck? Anyway, please review and make me feel better. Thanks!

Disclaimer: The characters are not so much mine. I won't hurt them though, I swear!

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Ryan felt someone's hand on his back as he leaned over the toilet and continued to throw up. Sandy, he thought. Sandy must have followed him in there after he had identified his father and bolted to the nearest bathroom to allow the contents of his stomach to once again see the light of day.

"It's going to be okay, Ryan," Sandy said. "I swear, it's going to be okay." Sandy didn't know if it was going to be okay. He didn't know how it could be okay, really. Ryan's father was dead, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Caleb had a hand in it.

"How did he die Sandy?" Ryan asked collapsing onto the cold ground, and leaning his head back against the wall.

"I'm not sure kid," Sandy told him truthfully. "They'll tell us I guess."

"What about my mom?"

"What about her?"

"Where is she?" Sandy hadn't even thought about Dawn, if he was going to be honest. His thoughts had mostly been consumed by Kirsten all night. Well, Ryan and Kirsten, but mostly Kirsten once he had found out that Ryan was okay. But now that Ryan mentioned her, where was Dawn?

"I'm not sure," Sandy admitted. He helped Ryan to his feet and Ryan splashed some water on his face and then sighed.

"He's dead," he said softly. "I thought to myself, I hope he gets what's coming to him, but I didn't expect him to actually turn up dead."

"I know."

"I wanted him to hurt, like he had hurt Kirsten. What kind of kid wishes that on his father? What terrible person wishes that their father feel pain?"

"It doesn't make you a terrible person to think that," Sandy assured him. "He hurt you. He hurt someone that you loved."

"Did you?" Ryan looked at his foster father and Sandy was surprised.

"Did I what?" Sandy asked.

"Did you want him to hurt? Did you want him to die?"

"Did I want him to die?" Sandy repeated. Did he tell Ryan the truth? That, yes, when he first found out that Ryan and Kirsten had been taken to the hospital, when he found out that Ryan had been hurt again by his father, and that his wife had to be taken into surgery to control internal bleeding caused by Dave, yes, Sandy had wished him dead.

"Yes, after what he did to Kirsten, did you want him to die?" And you, Sandy added silently. What he did to Kirsten, and you. "Tell me the truth Sandy, please."

"Yes," Sandy said finally. "I wished that he was dead." Ryan nodded and closed his eyes.

"I did too," Ryan's voice was soft. "Does that make me a terrible person?"

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Dawn was, while all of this was going on, holed up in AJ's apartment. When she heard the sirens, she had panicked.

"Shit Dave! What did you do?" She dropped her hold on Ryan's arm, and watched him crawl over to Kirsten's motionless body. Dave looked down at his son and the woman lying on the ground, her breathing labored.

"I don't know," was Dave's reply. "Oh shit. Oh shit. We need to get out of here."

"What about her?" Dawn asked pointing to Kirsten. Ryan was holding her in his lap, one hand stroking the hair off of her forehead, and the other lying uselessly at his side.

"Mom, she's not breathing very well," Ryan said looking up at Dawn. He never looked at her like that. He never looked to her to solve anything. But he was looking at her. He was asking her to help him. Dawn looked from Dave to Ryan. Dave was heading towards the door.

"Dave....she's really hurt," Dawn said stepping to take a closer look.

"The police are on their way Dawn! We need to go!" Dave said not daring to look at Kirsten's body.

"Dave! You really hurt her!" Dawn yelled.

"Jesus, Dawn, I don't have time for this. Are you coming or not? The police are on their way, they'll take care of her," Dave said running a hand through his hair. Dawn looked again at Ryan and Kirsten lying on the floor. When she turned back around Dave was gone, the door slamming behind him. Her son looked up sadly at her from his position on the floor.

"Go," he said. "I'll take care of her, it's the least I can do for her." Dawn felt ashamed and it was this embarrassment that led her to flee from the house. She made her way to AJ's house and knocked on his door.

"What?"

"It's Dawn."

"What are you doing here?" He asked throwing the door open. "Didn't you go back to your husband?" AJ said the word husband with great disdain.

"It didn't work out," Dawn mumbled.

"What?"

"It didn't work out," she said louder. Why had she thought that it would turn out okay? She wasn't cut out for a family. As she had told Kirsten Cohen on that morning when she had left Ryan, she was a mess, not a mother.

Kirsten Cohen. Dawn was certainly having regrets about leaving her there on the floor. Why had she been struggling to breathe? What had Dave done to her? Dawn's head spun.

"And you think that I'm just going to take you back in?" AJ sneered. Dawn looked up at him surprised, she hadn't thought about what would happen if AJ wouldn't take her back. She was quiet. "Fine, get in here." AJ held the door open wider and allowed Dawn to slip in.

She immediately went for AJ's stash. Anything to make her stop thinking about what had gone on at her house. To stop seeing her son in her head holding his arm and his lip bleeding. Anything to stop the sound of Kirsten trying so hard and painfully to take in another breath.

Anything to make her mind shut off.

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Kirsten had fallen back asleep and Caleb was now sitting by her bed watching her. He wondered where Sandy had gone, and why he wasn't back yet. Not that he wanted to leave his daughter's side, but he had figured that Sandy would be back any minute demanding time with Kirsten.

Caleb was exhausted. As much as he hated to admit it, he was getting old, and the lack of sleep and the nerves of the day were beginning to wear on him. He wouldn't forget the phone call that he had gotten earlier that day, and in the silence it replayed over and over again in his head.

"Caleb?" It was strange that Sandy had called him. Sandy never called him. Not voluntarily anyway.

"Sandman," Caleb had answered. He had just arrived at the Cooper's to pick up Julie for their date. "To what do I owe the displeasure?"

"Caleb," Sandy said again, and this time Caleb heard the exhaustion and fear creep through Sandy's voice. Caleb could always sense fear, it was one of the traits that made him such a cunning businessman. "It's Kirsten." Kirsten. Caleb's stomach dropped.

"What happened? Is she okay?" Julie had been pointing to her watch subtly hinting to Caleb that they were going to be late for their reservations, but she stopped when she saw Caleb turn pale.

"I don't know," Sandy said. Caleb could tell that he was on the verge of tears. "She went to check on Ryan and things got out of hand. She's in surgery right now."

"We're on our way," Caleb told him. Julie looked at him questioningly.

"What's the matter?" She asked when Caleb hung up the phone.

"Kirsten...that was Sandy....Kirsten's in surgery."

"Oh my God, what happened?" Julie asked. Caleb didn't answer. He was in some sort of fog. He felt Julie take his arm and lead him to the car.

Now, Kirsten was okay, and Caleb was feeling the effect of the long night. He reached out and placed an arm on his daughter's arm. He needed to touch her. He needed to make sure she was still real. Her breathing was even and he closed his eyes listening to it.

He wouldn't think about what would happen in the morning. He wouldn't think about what had transpired in the hours since he had gotten that phone call. He would just close his eyes and try to get at least a little bit of sleep.

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"How did he die?" Sandy asked the question that he knew that Ryan didn't want to ask.

"Two gunshot wounds to the chest. He was dead when the paramedics arrived. Apparently some officers came to arrest him, because he was in violation of his parole. But when they came to get him, he refused to go and then pulled out a gun on the officers. He fired a few shots at the officers as he tried to run, and the officers had no choice but to fire back," the officer explained. Ryan shook his head. He didn't think that his father had a gun. And there was no way that his father would have shot at cops, he wasn't that stupid. Then again, he also thought that his father had changed his ways, so maybe he didn't know as much about his father as he thought that he did.

Sandy just nodded. So did that mean that Caleb hadn't done this? That it was just a coincidence? Sandy decided that there would be no more mob movies for him. His imagination had run away with him. Of course Caleb didn't hire a hit man to kill Dave. Sandy wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. He would have to tell Kirsten later when it didn't hurt her to laugh. She would get a kick out of it.

"My father? A ruthless killer?" She would laugh. "Oh come on Sandy. That's just crazy." Sandy placed a soothing hand on Ryan's shoulders and led him out of the morgue. There was no need to stay there any longer than they had to. It was a depressing place, and Sandy sincerely hoped that he would never have to step foot in there again.

"Come on kid, let's go see Kirsten," Sandy said soothingly. Ryan nodded, he felt numb. He let Sandy lead him out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. When they stepped in there was already another man in there. He was tall, and he had a black eye. The three rode in silence, but when they reached Ryan and Sandy's floor, the man reached out and took Sandy's arm. Ryan had walked on ahead, unaware that Sandy had stopped.

"Tell Mr. Nichol that it's done," he said softly. With that, the elevator doors slid shut quietly leaving Sandy staring at the place where the man had been.

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Hmmm....now how exactly did Caleb pull that one off? Leave me a review and I'll let you know! I'm not opposed to blackmail, really I'm not. I hope you guys aren't getting bored with this. My ego is fragile, so please reassure me. Oh and Famous99, no Dawn being the killer, but I hope this is soapy enough. HateToSayIToldYouSo, your friend being a hit woman....she is in therapy right? Otherwise...well, she really should be. Oh and a final note this just really needs to be said, Brenda Osler, Henry V a good book? Are you high? I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.


	15. Did you walk out the line?

I love you all! Is that weird? Does that make me weird? Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing and please, please do it again! I'm off to do the crossword puzzle in Statistics, so leave me something happy to come back to please! Again you guys are the greatest!

Disclaimer: Um, not mine so much.

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Sandy's head was spinning as he made his way to Kirsten's room. He had dropped Ryan off at their house, to take some time, try to get some sleep, and just clear his head. Seth had appeared in the doorway when they pulled up.

"Grandpa kicked us out," Seth explained. "Told us to get some sleep and some showers." Sandy just nodded, and Seth studied both his father and Ryan. Both looked like they had been through the wringer, and while Seth knew that it had been a long day for all of them, the two looked like something had just happened. Did something happen to his mom? Then why were they here? If something was happening with his mother, Seth knew for a fact that his father wouldn't be anywhere other than her side. But if it wasn't Kirsten, then what was it? "Are you guys okay? Is Mom okay?"

"She's fine," Sandy assured him immediately. "Unless you know something that I don't?" Seth shook his head. "Then she's fine. I'll let Ryan explain. I want to get back to the hospital." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Dad, maybe you should get some sleep," Seth said.

"I'll sleep when your mother is home," Sandy said.

"Dad...seriously..."

"Seth, it's fine okay? I want to go back and see your mother, I haven't been able to see her for a few hours. If she's okay and asleep, I'll try to get some sleep there." Sandy knew that he wasn't going to sleep. Even if he could lie in his own bed, there was no way that he would be able to nod off. First, he never did sleep well without Kirsten in the bed with him, and second, so many things were running through his head that he didn't even know how to begin to sort them out.

What had Caleb done? And how had he done it? They said it was a police shootout. Dave had a gun. It was a coincidence. Right?

So what did that man in the elevator mean? Tell Mr. Nichol it's done. What's done?

"Take care of him, okay?" Sandy motioned into the house where Ryan had disappeared.

"Yeah, sure no problem. Is everything going to be okay Dad?" Seth was a smart kid, and Sandy was reminded of this again. He didn't ask if everything was okay then, he had asked if everything was eventually going to be okay. Obviously, things weren't okay then. Kirsten was still in the hospital. Dave was dead. And Dawn was still missing. No things weren't okay. And would they be? Sandy didn't have an answer to that. But he couldn't tell Seth no, so instead, he just nodded.

"Yeah, Seth, it's going to be okay," Sandy was lying through his teeth, but he offered Seth a tight smile, and if Seth didn't believe him, he certainly didn't say anything. Instead he nodded, reached out and gave his father a much needed hug, and watched as Sandy got into the car and drove away. Seth closed the door behind him and went to find Ryan.

He was in the kitchen, sitting on one of the stools, his head buried in his arms. Seth was at a loss as to how to start this conversation. And Seth was never at a loss to start any conversation. He stood there for awhile hoping that Ryan would look up and start it for him, but Ryan continued to hide his head.

"Are you okay?" Seth tried. Ryan looked up, surprised that Seth was in the room with him.

"No," Ryan answered truthfully. Seth went to the cupboard and started pulling out things to eat. This looked like it was going to be emotionally exhausting, and Seth believed fully that things got better if there was food involved.

"What happened? Where did you and Dad go?" Seth asked realizing that it probably had to do with wherever the two had disappeared off to.

"My dad's dead," Ryan said slowly. It was the first time that he had said those words. Seth nearly dropped the bag of chips that he was holding.

"What?" He asked in shock.

"That's where we went. We went to the morgue. My father is dead." Seth's head was spinning as he placed all the food on the counter between him and Ryan.

"What...how? When?" Seth stuttered.

"Not sure when. He was shot by a police officer," Ryan said. He was trying to remain in control. He would not cry. He would not think about how he had wished for this. He would not.

Seth didn't know what to say. It was happening a lot lately, and he didn't particularly like it.

"Dude..." he finally got out. "I'm so sorry." Ryan just shrugged.

"I'm going to bed," he told Seth ignoring the massive amounts of food that Seth had just set out before him.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?" Seth asked. "About that? About anything?" What was it with these Cohens and always wanting to talk? Ryan wanted to know.

"No, I just really want to get some sleep," Ryan said. Seth wasn't stupid. He knew that Ryan wasn't going to be able to sleep. Not tonight. And probably not the next night, or the one after that either. Seth couldn't even imagine being in Ryan's shoes right now.

Seth was feeling conflicted on this topic. On the one hand, it was Ryan's father, and no one deserved to die. But on the other hand, if anyone did deserve to die, it was certainly Dave Atwood. After what he had done to Ryan? After what he had done to Seth's mother? Seth couldn't say that he wasn't at least a little pleased at the news of Dave's death, and he knew that if he was struggling to determine if he was an awful person for thinking that, then surely Ryan was feeling this ten times over. And Seth, being Seth, wanted to talk about it. But Ryan, being Ryan, wanted nothing more then to crawl into his bed and pretend that none of this was happening.

"No," Ryan replied. "I just really want to get to bed."

"Okay," Seth said ready to let him go. "Oh! We picked up some extra strength Excedrin for your wrist. Do you want some? Does your arm hurt?"

"No." Seth knew that if his mother were there, she would insist that Ryan take the pills. She would force them down his throat and make him stick out his tongue so that she could be sure that he had taken them.

But his mother wasn't there.

"You sure?" Seth asked.

"Pretty sure," Ryan said. "I'm fine Seth, really." With that, Ryan shut the door to the kitchen leaving Seth standing there alone.

Ryan's choice of words was really quite ironic, Seth decided. Because he was anything but fine.

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Sandy arrived at Kirsten's door and glanced in. Caleb was asleep in the chair next to Kirsten's bed, and Kirsten was sleeping peacefully. Well, not exactly peacefully, he supposed. He wondered how much pain she was in. He closed the door softly, but woke up Caleb.

Sandy didn't know what to say to Caleb, or how to say it. So did stage Dave Atwood's death to look like a police shootout? How many people did you pay off to get Dave Atwood taken care of?

The only thing that had an answer was why. Sandy knew why. The reason was lying in that bed with IV's in her arm to at least try to lessen some of the unbelievable pain that she was in. Sandy had always said that he would die for her, he would kill for her. But Caleb actually had. And Sandy knew that Caleb didn't regret it. Even if he got caught, he wouldn't regret it.

"Sanford. Where have you been?" Caleb asked.

"What did you do?" It was the first thing that came into Sandy's mind. He didn't even have time to stop it from coming out.

"What are you talking about?"

"Dave Atwood is dead."

"Am I supposed to be sad about this?" Caleb got up and started to move towards the door. "And keep your voice down. Kirsten is trying to sleep."

"Some man. He stopped me in the elevator. He said to tell you that it was done. What did you do? How did you do it?"

"God, Sanford, your imagination is getting away from you. He's my lawyer, I asked him to draw up a new will. Kirsten's brush with death made me think about my own mortality."

Suddenly Sandy felt ridiculous. They were in a courthouse, and it would make sense that Caleb's lawyer would be there. But how did Caleb's lawyer know who Sandy was? And why was he so sneaky about it? Tell Mr. Nichol it's done. If it was so innocent, then why didn't he just say, "Tell Mr. Nichol that I finished drafting his will." Wouldn't that have been easier?

"Then why...." Sandy started and he trailed off.

"Why what?" Caleb asked.

"Never mind," Sandy said. "But Caleb. If you did do it. If you did have a hand in Dave Atwood's death....I want you to know a part of me is disgusted, and the other part is thanking you and jealous that I wasn't able to take care of it myself." He stopped for a moment. "I just want to know. Between me and you. Did you have something to do with it?" Caleb was quiet for a moment.

"I'll leave you alone with her. You probably want to spend some time with her. I'll have you know though, Sanford, you can get anyone to do anything for you if you give them the right incentive." And with that Caleb left.

He had done it. He had paid off police officers to shoot down Dave Atwood. Sandy was once again reminded that there wasn't anything that Caleb Nichol wouldn't do. Sandy knew that he should tell someone, but also knew that it wouldn't matter. Even if he did tell someone, Caleb would have covered his ass. It was his lawyer who Sandy talked to, and Sandy had simply jumped to conclusions. It had been a long day for all of them, and Caleb had been in the hospital with his daughter the whole time. There was no way that Caleb could be involved in something like this. Even if they did figure out what police officers he had paid off, he probably hadn't used his real name. It was untraceable. The only way that anyone would even think that Dave's death was at all fishy would be if Sandy said anything. He was a convicted felon, who was in violation of his parole. Even if he hadn't really had the gun, the officers surely had reason to suspect that he was dangerous. He had nearly killed his son and his son's foster mother. Highly dangerous.

Sandy shook his head. He went over and took Kirsten's hand and gave it a kiss. With a sigh he sunk down into the chair next to her bed. Telling would do no good, but how could he not tell? Could he just pretend that the man was talking about Caleb's will? Of course, Caleb's will was probably changed, so if Sandy wanted to ask, Caleb's story would check out.

"Sandy?" Kirsten stirred and opened her eyes. She winced in pain as soon as she awoke a little more. "Where have you been?"

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I had to go identify Dave Atwood's body." Sandy had to tell her, she was going to find out sooner or later.

"He's dead?" Kirsten's eyes widened. "Poor Ryan, does he know yet?" Sandy was amazed once again by his wife. The man who had placed her in the hospital, put her in the amount of pain that she was in was dead, and she thought first of Ryan who must be hurting because it was his father. Sandy always knew that she was a better person than him. She had just once again proved it.

"He came with me," Sandy said nodding sadly.

"Is he okay?" Kirsten looked panicked, and Sandy placed a calming hand on her arm. She didn't need this. They all didn't need more stress added onto their lives.

"I don't know. I took him home. Seth is there with him."

"How did he die?" Kirsten asked quietly. Sandy wanted to tell her the truth. Well, I'm pretty sure that your father bribed some police officers into shooting him, but he couldn't.

"Police shootout." Kirsten nodded, taking it all in.

"What about Dawn?"

"Not sure, no one's found her yet."

"Ryan doesn't need anymore pain," Kirsten said shaking her head sadly.

"None of us do," Sandy said. "Speaking of pain. How are you feeling?"

"Eh," Kirsten replied. "My head hurts pretty badly, and I had a little trouble breathing before because of my ribs."

"Do you need more pain killers? I'll go get the nurse. Do you want me to get the nurse? Do you need anything else?" Sandy was ready to jump out of his chair to go get Kirsten whatever she needed, and it was Kirsten's turn to place a calming hand on his arm.

"Sandy, calm down. There's a button to call the nurse, we'll just press it okay?"

"Okay," Sandy said. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I just hate to see you in pain."

"I know," she said smiling at him and taking his hand. "Are you sure that Ryan is all right?"

"I don't know, honey," Sandy answered honestly. "I'll let him at least try to get some sleep and then I'll try giving them a call at the house. It's a lot for anyone to deal with. He asked me if I wished for Dave to die."

"What did you say?"

"I told him after what his father did to you and Ryan, that yes, a part of me did wish for him to die," Sandy said looking at her. "And he told me that he did too." Kirsten rested her head back and closed her eyes.

"He needs to talk to us about this. He's going to try to keep it all in," she said. It was true, and both of them knew it. Ryan was notorious for keeping his emotions locked in tight, and this would be no different. There was a quick knock on the door, and the nurse came in.

"You shouldn't worry about this anymore," Sandy told Kirsten. "You need to rest." Right, Kirsten thought. Don't worry about it. How was she supposed to not worry about it?

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Ryan sat on the floor of the bathroom in the pool house where he had thrown up every ten minutes for the past hour. Now it was just dry heaves.

His father was dead. And he wasn't sad. Or was he? He was so confused. He missed who his father used to be, before prison. He missed who his father was when he came back at first from prison, but he didn't miss the man who had put Kirsten in the hospital. He didn't miss the man who would scream at him and grab him by the arm or the ear and hit him with empty beer bottles. But did the good outweigh the bad? Or did the bad outweigh the good? Ryan's head was spinning, and he leaned over the toilet and dry heaved once more.

Leaning back against the cool tile of the bathroom, Ryan closed his eyes. His entire body began to shake with the intensity of his sobs. And he lay there, crying and shaking, until his body was exhausted, and he laid his head down on the floor and fell asleep.

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Is that enough suffering for Ryan? Or do you want more? Will he find out that Caleb had something to do with his father's death? Let me know! And let me know if you still like this or if you're getting bored, I have a very fragile ego. Anyway, I'm sure you guys don't care about me or my emotional well-being, but review please!


	16. When closing the door

Oh goodness. I don't feel well. I think I'm sick. Although, it wouldn't surprise me, the weather keeps fluctuating. Some days it's warm, and then the next it's cold. It can't make up it's mind. Anyway, make me feel better and review! Aww, and a few thanks to those who specifically mentioned caring about my feelings!

**AABattery**: I totally care about you back. Really I do. You are not insignificant. Not to me at least.

**TeacherTam**: mmm, hot fudge sundaes. If I wasn't afraid I'd throw it back up, I'd go make one right now. My roommate bought sprinkles ! (It's the little things in life)

**Silver Dog Demon: **Ah, you like the suffering Ryan huh? I think it's a downfall for all of us.

**HateToSayIToldYouSo**: You are awesome too. I don't think that's mentioned enough.

Disclaimer: The characters are sort of not mine. Okay. Not sort of. Really not mine.

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When Ryan got up the next morning, he had the imprint of the tile on the floor on his cheek. He rubbed his hand over it to make it go away, and walked towards the house. Seth was talking animatedly into the phone, and he turned and waved to Ryan when he came in.

"All right, we'll be down in a little while to see her," Seth said before hanging up. "That was my dad." Ryan just nodded and reached for the box of cereal, hoping that he could keep something down. "He said that if we wanted we could go down and visit my mom for a little while."

"Okay," Ryan replied after a minute. Seeing Kirsten would just make him more confused. The night before he decided that he was upset that his father was dead. But Ryan knew that seeing Kirsten would just make him rethink his whole stance on the subject. But he wanted to see her, he wanted to talk to her about all of it. He wasn't much a talker, and it was ironic that the one person who had always respected that about him was the one person that he desperately wanted to talk to. She would understand. Maybe she could help him decide what he was feeling. It was a lot of pressure to place on Kirsten, this he knew, but he couldn't help but think that Kirsten would be the one to help him sort it all out.

What would he have done without her? What would any of them done? Ryan shook the thoughts out of his head. She was fine. She was alive. But his father was not.

"So Summer is going to come over and take us to the hospital, since Dad has the car," Seth said. Ryan was about to open his mouth and ask where the other car was, but then he remembered. It was still in Chino. Sitting in front of Ryan's old house, where Kirsten had parked it and left it.

"Okay," Ryan was sticking to the one-word answers. They were working well for him.

"Dad said that we would take you down to Chino later to pick up your stuff," Seth said cautiously.

"Okay."

"Dude, I know that you have a very limited repertoire, but could you come up with something other than okay?" Seth teased.

"No."

"That's something different!" Seth exclaimed. "See? It is possible!" At this Ryan couldn't help but crack a smile. He was exhausted still, despite the fact that he had slept for almost eight hours. He chalked it up to sleeping on the bathroom floor, but he knew that it was because his mind hadn't been able to get any rest. The sleep had come because his body was completely worn out.

"Possible and likely Seth are two very different things," Ryan reminded him. The doorbell rang and Seth rolled his eyes at Ryan and went off to answer it. Ryan heard Summer's voice a minute later.

"How's he doing?" Summer never was any good at keeping quiet. It just wasn't her thing. It wasn't Seth's thing either. Maybe that's why they worked so well. Neither one could keep their mouth shut for more than two seconds. Ryan didn't hear what Seth said in response, but he could guess what the gist of it was.

Ryan's not doing too well. Ryan's drawing back into himself. Ryan's not talking.

He would talk. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, it was just that he wanted to talk about it to Kirsten. And she wasn't there. Summer and Seth appeared in the doorway a second later and Summer offered a sympathetic smile.

"Ready to go?" She asked sweetly. Ryan dumped out the rest of his cereal and climbed to his feet and headed towards the front door. Seth and Summer hurried after him and the three drove in relative silence for half the way until Seth began to whine about the radio station they were listening to.

"Summer. This is pop. I can't listen to pop music. It hurts my ears. They bleed. Do you want to see me bleed Summer?"

"I'm not changing it Cohen. We're in my car. And in my car we listen to what I want to." Seth actually looked pained.

"But it's Britney Spears," he said in an overdramatic voice. Seth made it sound like the plague. For once Ryan was thankful for their bickering. It made him forget. At least for a little while.

"Cohen. Shove it. I like her."

"But Summer...." Seth started. "She's a slut!"

"She was a Mouseketeer!" Summer argued. "She can't be a slut. Mouseketeers are not sluts."

"That's just not true," Seth replied. "Christina Aguilera was a Mouseketeer, and she's most definitely a slut." Summer looked indigent.

"She is trying to clean up her act," she huffed. Seth just rolled his eyes and looked back at Ryan.

"Dude, back me up here."

"I'm staying out of it," Ryan said. Seth sighed loudly and placed his fingers in his ears to drown out the sound of Britney Spears. Ryan saw the hospital in the distance and remembered everything once more. His father was dead. That kept repeating in his head. It made him shake and want to cry and throw up some more.

His father was dead.

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Sandy woke up from his little amount of sleep with his arm around Kirsten was sleeping soundly next to him. She had scooted over the night before to let him onto the bed and he had held her tightly. It was what he had needed. To hold her. Everything just seemed better with her in his arms. He didn't need to think about what had happened.

But he did think about what happened. Because when she turned, he could see the bruises all over her arms. A hand print around her upper arm where he knew Dave had held on tightly to her. Bruises on her face, and he didn't look but he knew the there was a plethora of bruises on her stomach.

Her father killed someone. Not directly, of course, but he had ordered it. The idea of Caleb being the equivalent of a mobster was absurd, and yet...he had paid off police officers to kill Dave Atwood and stage it as an accident.

Kirsten moaned slightly and Sandy jumped off the bed ready to page the nurse to come give her something for the pain.

"Are you okay? What do you want? What do you need?" He asked.

"Sandy," she said softly with a small smile playing on her lips. "Calm down okay?"

"Are you feeling better?"

"A little bit."

"Good." Sandy nodded and then took her hand and brought it up to his mouth to kiss. "Good morning."

"Don't you mean good afternoon?" She asked looking at the clock. "God can you believe all of this happened in less than 24 hours?" You don't know the half of it, Sandy thought to himself.

"What are you talking about? You were asleep for most of it," Sandy teased.

"Right, pick on the ill, real nice Sandy," Kirsten replied back grinning slightly. She took a deep breath and shuddered.

"Seriously, are you okay?"

"Yeah, it just hurts a little to breathe," Kirsten told him shutting her eyes tightly as she willed the pain to go away. He hated this. He hated to see her like this. "So go talk to the doctor, see when I can get out of here." Sandy smiled at her and leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I'll go when the boys get here," he told her.

"You know you can leave me alone for more than four and a half seconds," Kirsten said. He knew. But the truth was that he didn't want to leave her side for more than four and a half seconds. He didn't want to leave her side at all, for any length of time. He had envisioned a world without her when he got the phone call from her, and it had scared him shitless. There was no world without her. Oh God, now he had to go and sound like a Hallmark card. But it was true.

She was his world.

"When the boys get here I'll go find the doctor," he repeated. Sandy leaned down and kissed her lips, and let them linger there for a little while. "I love you. Did you know that?"

"I had a vague idea." There was a knock on the door and Seth poked his head in.

"Jeez Dad, can't keep your hands off her even when she's in the hospital huh? It's despicable really," Seth said. It was nice actually. To be able to tease about his parents' sex life. To pretend for a minute that things were normal in the Cohen household. Sandy laughed, and then his laugh halted. He saw Ryan lingering in the hallway just behind Seth, and Ryan looked like he had had an even worse night than Sandy had.

"Hey Seth, why don't we let your mother and Ryan spend some time and you and I can go talk to the doctor about springing her free from this joint," Sandy suggested hoping that Seth wouldn't argue back.

"Sure, but then I get some Mommy/Seth uninterrupted time," Seth said as Sandy joined him out in the hall and Ryan stepped in and closed the door gently behind him.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked first. He studied Kirsten's face. He nearly cringed when he saw the bruises, but managed to refrain.

"I'm okay, how are you holding up? How's the wrist?" Ryan forgot about his wrist. He had other things on his mind. He was still standing back by the door and Kirsten gave him a smile. "Hey, you can come closer. I don't bite." Ryan moved up to her bed and sat down in the chair next to her. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to begin.

"I'm sorry about your father," Kirsten said softly. With that, Ryan felt the tears fill his eyes and Kirsten reached out and grabbed his hand. Ryan's whole body began to shake and Kirsten reached out her arms and Ryan carefully went into them.

"I don't know what to think," he said as he tried to catch his breath. "Because...he's dead. But I still hate him for what he did."

"It's okay," Kirsten murmured into his hair. "You're allowed to be angry at him." Ryan clutched at her hospital gown as he let out all his emotions. Kirsten was both amazed and pleased that he had come to her and opened up about what he was feeling. It was a step forward. He wasn't keeping everything bottled up. Maybe some good would come from all of this after all. "It's going to be okay, though, honey. We're here for you. We'll all get through this." Ryan nodded and wiped the remaining tears from his eyes. "Maybe we should all start going to therapy?"

"No, that's okay...I don't..." Ryan's voice trailed off. Therapy? No. Atwoods didn't do therapy.

"We can all go together," Kirsten said gently. "As a family." A family. Ryan went to shake his head again and then figured that they would argue about it when Kirsten was out of the hospital. They were silent for a moment before Kirsten spoke up. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Oh, I slept fin....not that great," he admitted.

"We can ask the doctor to prescribe some sleeping pills for you," Kirsten suggested. Ryan felt a small smile tug at his lips. Kirsten was controlling even when in the hospital out of commission. Kirsten caught the smile. "What?"

"You. You just...you're in the hospital and you're still taking charge," Ryan began to laugh. It felt good to laugh.

"Well, you know, all I did was lost a spleen. I can still think and talk and do anything else that I would want to do!"

"Except cook," Ryan inserted. Kirsten feigned an insulted expression which just set Ryan off. The door opened and Sandy and Seth walked in.

"Did we miss something?" Seth asked looking from his mother who had an indignant look on her face, to Ryan who was laughing. Ryan laughing. Seth was beginning to doubt he would ever witness that again.

"No, just the usual," Kirsten said. "Ryan's insulting my cooking and I have to defend myself once more to the people who claim to love me." The usual, Ryan repeated in his head. This was normal. Teasing Kirsten was the norm. And it felt good.

My father is dead. It invaded his cheerful thoughts and made him want to weep once more. He is dead and I am laughing. Why am I laughing? And immediately Ryan stopped.

"What's the matter?" Kirsten asked softly.

"He's dead. I can't laugh."

"Yes you can," Sandy broke in. "You have to. It's the only way you can get through it. You need to laugh, and you need to tell the people you love that you love them. It's okay to laugh. He would want you to laugh." He wasn't a monster, Ryan thought, he would want me to laugh. He just couldn't control himself when he drank, and he couldn't control his drinking either. All in all not a great combination.

"Well, you all need to get out," Seth said after they were all silent for a few minutes. "I want to spend some time alone with Mom."

"Fine, come on kid," Sandy said to Ryan. "We'll go get something to eat."

"Oh," Kirsten spoke up. "When do I get to go home?" Sandy grinned.

"Tomorrow." Kirsten's face lit up as well. Just as they were all thinking things could get better, things could go back to normal, Kirsten's door flew open and an irate and clearly intoxicated Dawn came in.

"You killed him!" She screamed in a hysterical voice pointing to Kirsten and Ryan. "You killed my husband."

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Oh that Dawn and her crazy accusations. So I've been thinking about it. How many want Kirsten to find out about her father's misdeeds? Let me know. Review please! I'm going to lie down. My head is throbbing : (


	17. Did you take what was right?

Okay, so I just got back from statistics tutoring and feel even dumber than I did when I went in. Oh well. Statistics just isn't my thing I guess. I've come to accept this and am okay with it really. I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you thought. Oh, and I ran out of song lyrics for the chapter titles, oops, so I'm just going to start repeating them....call it a lack of creativity. And thanks so much for all the get well wishes, you guys rock! Oh and one little note:

HatetoSayIToldYouSo: I think it would have been very intriguing to see the original review. Boat loads you say? Excellent. And it's totally okay. I don't mind you stalking me. I think having a stalker is the best way to know that you've arrived.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. : ( This saddens me so.

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Sandy moved instinctively in front of Kirsten, pushing Seth and Ryan behind him as well.

"Dawn, calm down," Sandy said slowly.

"They killed him! They killed him!" Dawn said pushing closer to Kirsten and Ryan.

"No, they didn't," Sandy said calmly. Kirsten kept her mouth shut. Sandy was better at dealing with these kinds of things. He could calm down irate people; Kirsten always just seemed to make them more irate. "Dave was killed by the police."

"It's their fault that it happened!" Dawn shrieked. "That ungrateful brat, and that bitch who couldn't keep her nose out of our business! We were a family again! And she ruined it!" Dawn dove for Kirsten and Sandy reached out and grabbed her before she could hurt his wife. Kirsten twisted and threw out her arm to block Ryan and Seth who were standing next to her bed. This action caused her great amounts of pain, and once she was sure that Sandy had a strong grip on Dawn, she allowed herself to sink back down to the bed and began to try to breathe through the pain. Though she tried to stop them, tears began to roll down her face from the sharp pains that coursed through her torso.

"Mom?" Seth asked alarmed at seeing his mother cry. His mother rarely cried. She was just not a crying sort of person. She had cried at the occasional movie, and had cried quite a lot when Ryan left, but she was not someone he would typically classify as a crier. "Are you okay?" Kirsten couldn't speak through her clenched teeth, but managed to nod. Dawn was still shrieking, and a nurse had come in to see what the noise was all about. Sandy had asked her to get security and two guards had come in a second later and took the screaming and flailing Dawn from Sandy. Sandy was about to follow them into the hall to explain the situation, but he heard Seth's panicked voice call him back. "Dad!" Sandy spun around and saw Kirsten clutching at her stomach and tears streaming down her face. He hurried back over to her, forgetting about Dawn for the moment.

"Kirsten? Honey? Are you okay? What's the matter? Do you need something for the pain?" She managed again to nod, and the nurse was summoned back in, as Sandy wiped the tears from Kirsten's face and felt tears of his begin to fall.

He hated to see her like this. He hated that he couldn't stop it.

"She turned around to protect us," Ryan said softly.

"She pulled out some of her stitches," the nurse said as she saw a stain of red begin to form on Kirsten's hospital gown where the bandage from the surgery was.

"Why don't you guys take the car and go get the rest of Ryan's things?" Sandy said spinning around and handing the keys to Seth. He needed to get them out of there. He had to deal with Dawn, and didn't want Ryan especially to be there. If he could, he would have found some way to have Kirsten gone too. Seth nodded absentmindedly, and Ryan looked as if he was going to argue, but thought better of it and followed Seth out of the door.

Sandy then went to take care of Kirsten. She came first. He would make sure that she was okay, and then go to deal with Dawn. The nurse had called the doctor back in to put the stitches back in, and Sandy held her hand as this was done, and then kissed her forehead.

"Go ahead," Kirsten said sleepily as the sleeping pills began to set in. "I'm fine now. Just pulled out a few stitches, it's all fixed now. Go deal with Dawn."

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Sandy asked.

"Yes," Kirsten reached up and touched his face.

"You scared us," Sandy told her.

"I know, I keep doing that, I'm sorry." He had to grin and he leaned down again to kiss her, and she felt some of his tears hit the top of her head. "Tomorrow, we can go home tomorrow and everything will be okay." Sandy nodded and kissed her one more time before leaving to go deal with Dawn and the trail of chaos she left in her wake.

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Seth pulled up in front of Ryan's old house and noticed right away that Ryan's breathing began to speed up.

"Hey dude, we don't have to do this. I can go get Summer and she and I can do this," Seth offered.

"No," Ryan broke in. "I need to do this. This is something that I have to do." He opened the car door and stepped out onto the broken sidewalk. He made his way to the front door, with Seth hurrying along behind him. Ryan pulled out a key and opened the door and stepped inside. Seth looked around. The table was knocked over, and there was broken glass, and then his heart stopped.

Blood on the floor. His mother's blood. Ryan's blood.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, Ryan had disappeared. Seth figured that he had gone back to finish packing, but he heard the toilet flush and Ryan appeared in the doorway a second later looking a little pale. Seth sighed a little, forced a smile on his face and then said to Ryan,

"So, let's go load up the car?" Ryan just nodded and led the way back to his bedroom. It was tiny. Seth could barely contain his look of disdain as he glanced around.

"Can you hand me those boxes in the closet?" Ryan asked and Seth obligingly opened the closet and handed the boxes and they began to pack up in silence.

"Dude, what is this?" Seth held up a stuffed dinosaur. It was green, with blue spots, and to Seth looked quite well loved.

"That's nothing," Ryan said reaching for it quickly.

"What's its name?" Seth asked teasingly.

"It doesn't have a name," Ryan said angrily swiping at it again.

"Oh wait," Seth said hopping around a bit to avoid Ryan. He read the little tag on the stuffed animal. "Mr. Stompers? You seriously named a dinosaur Mr. Stompers?"

"This coming from the person who at sixteen still talks to a plastic horse named Captain Oats," Ryan said scathingly.

"Hey, Captain Oats is a perfectly legitimate name, but Mr. Stompers? Dude."

"Well, that's what dinosaurs do," Ryan argued placing his hands on his hips. "They stomp around." Seth couldn't control his laughter, and doubled over, tears streaming from his eyes. He lost his grip on the dinosaur, and Ryan snatched it up and smacked Seth with it. "Don't make fun of Mr. Stompers." Seth's laughter was contagious, and Ryan found himself laughing along with Seth.

"First the Snoopy thing, and then Mr. Stompers," Seth roared. Ryan's laughter halted and he pointed a finger at Seth.

"No one finds out about this," he warned. "Or Summer finds out how you like to talk to yourself in the mirror to encourage your chest hairs to grow." Seth's mouth dropped open and he gaped at Ryan.

"How did....but I....hey...I....I won't tell," he finally agreed. Ryan wasn't paying attention to him anymore, he was staring a framed photograph that was on his dresser. He had another picture up there too. The framed Chrismakkah photo, but his mother had throw such a fit when she saw it, that he had slipped it under his pillow where he would study it before he went to sleep.

But this photograph, it had stayed. It was their first family portrait. He was about a year old, and Trey was about six, and it was before his father had gone to prison, it was before they had moved from Fresno.

It was when they were happy.

He wanted to tell the smiling happy family in the photo that it wouldn't last. It couldn't. The father would be taken off to jail, and the mother would start drinking, and the oldest son would follow the same path as their father, and the baby. That baby, well, he would find another family, a family that loved him and sheltered and protected him. And a family that he loved back.

That was the main source of Ryan's guilt. It wasn't just that his father was dead, it was that Ryan had in an essence chosen the Cohens when Kirsten had come to Chino. Sure, his father was going to hurt her, and anyone put in Ryan's place would have tried to help her, but Ryan could have been more forceful with her in the first place and made her leave. He had been trying to spare her feelings, he had been trying to let her talk him into leaving. Because he had wanted to ditch his own family. And that was awful. He wanted to ditch his family for another family. After all, the Cohens weren't really his blood. They were just strangers that by all intents and purposes, he was never supposed to know. But he loved them fiercely. For all the obvious reasons, and for the ones that weren't so obvious. He loved Kirsten because she couldn't cook, and she wasn't as perfect as everyone thought, but she was kind and good, the best person that he had ever met. He loved Sandy because of his passions, his family being his biggest passion, and he loved that Sandy still believed that the world was a good place. Sandy still believed that people were good at heart. And he loved that Sandy passed that to Seth. He loved that Seth was goofy, and a little bit of a nerd, but meant well, and was loyal and protective of those that he loved, and Ryan couldn't understand how he had been the first person to see that.

He loved that he was one of them. That he was, in everything but name, a Cohen. But it caused guilt to lay upon him thick and heavy. What about his mother? What about his father? And Trey? What about that family in the picture that had been happy once? Didn't he love them too? He heard Sandy's voice in his head.

"You can have both," Sandy had said once as he and Ryan sat on the patio overlooking the ocean and talking about their respective pasts. "You can love your family, and you can love us too. There's no rule that says that you can't, or that you have to love one more than the other. Loving us isn't like negating the love that you had for your mom and dad and Trey."

"You okay?" Seth asked. Ryan nodded and thought for a moment before taking the picture out of the frame, and slipping it into the pocket of his bookbag. He left the empty frame on the dresser.

"Let's start taking these things to the car," Ryan said grabbing a box that Seth had finished packing and heading towards the front door. Seth grabbed another box and took that out too.

"Which car do you want to drive?" Seth asked. "Mom's car, or Dad's car?" And Ryan looked at the two shiny cars and then back at the dilapidated house that he had just come out. He didn't have to choose, he reminded himself. He could have both. He could have this shiny new life, and still have the good memories of this house. Maybe he would let the bad ones go, he decided. Yeah, he would definitely let the bad ones go. But maybe he would start sharing some of the good ones with the Cohens. Maybe he would start remembering the good ones a little more often. After all, his life hadn't been all bad.

"I'll take the Range Rover," Ryan answered giving Seth a smile. "It's more badass. And besides," he added with a hint of teasing in his voice. "Everyone knows a dinosaur is way more badass than a horse."

"Not so," Seth argued as they went back in to get the rest of Ryan's things.

"Oh please," Ryan said. "Mr. Stompers could totally take out Captain Oats." He laughed to himself as Seth tried to argue the merits of the horse, and argued that the horse could outrun a dinosaur.

"Definitely could outrun the dinosaur," Seth said. "And, let's just look at which species is still around, shall we?" Ryan just ignored him as he packed up the rest of his stuff. He then closed the door to the house and locked it behind him as he headed towards Kirsten's car. As he started the engine, he took one more at the house and the street and the life that he used to have, stored the mental picture in his head, and drove back to Newport.

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Dawn was calmed down now, sitting on a chair in the police station that was down the street. Sandy had explained the situation to the police, and they agreed that the best thing for right now was to get a restraining order against Dawn so that she couldn't go near Kirsten, and then send her to a rehab center. Sandy had pulled some strings and got her into a rehab center with a wonderful reputation and then went back to the hospital.

Kirsten was still sleeping, and for this he was grateful. He wondered if they could ever return to normal. His phone rang and he looked down and saw Seth's name.

"Seth?"

"Hey Dad, we're on our way home. Ryan's driving the Range Rover."

"How did he do?"

"He was fine," Seth assured him. "Everything was fine. How's Mom?"

"She's asleep," Sandy said looking over at his wife's sleeping form.

"Good," Seth said. "I think we're just going to stay home today. We'll see you guys when you bring Mom home tomorrow. She is still coming home tomorrow right?"

"Yes."

"Fantastic. We'll talk to you later," Seth hung up and Sandy closed the phone only to have it ring a second later. It was Caleb.

"Hello?"

"Sanford."

"Hi Caleb."

"How is Kiki?"

"She's fine, we had a little problem with Ryan's mother Dawn and she pulled out her stitches from surgery, but they fixed it and she's fine now. She's sleeping."

"What? Where is this Dawn now?" Caleb asked. Sandy turned from Kirsten.

"Caleb, it's fine. We took care of it. There's a restraining order against her, and she's going into rehab. I did everything legally. You don't need to take care of Dawn like you did Dave," Sandy sighed.

"Fine. Tell my daughter that I will be around later to visit her," Caleb answered. Sandy heard a click and then turned back around and was surprised to see Kirsten's eyes open.

"What did my father do?" She asked in a hushed tone. "You said he didn't need to take care of Dawn like he did to Dave. He killed him, didn't he Sandy? My father killed Dave."

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Oh my! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and let me know what you thought of it. Please review and I'll try to get up the next chapter as quickly as I can! Thanks!


	18. Whom do you cry with?

Okay, let me start by saying, I freaking love Halloween! Well, Fall in general. I love the leaves! And the Thanksgiving feast that is soon to come, and then Christmas, which is really my favorite time is after that! Sorry, I went pumpkin picking today and am still hopped up on the sugar from the caramel apples and apple cider and such. And I no longer have a cold! Yay for me! Although, I got rained on at my school's football game yesterday....and then I was freezing, but I held out like a true fan. But the result of this is that I may get sick again. But oh well, it was a fun game at least.

HateToSayIToldYouSo: Is stalkery a word? And you're right. Sandy would suck at being a secret agent. Then again so would I.

And Phaze: No, I really don't get tired of being perfect, but thanks for asking.

Disclaimer: Oh, right. Not mine.

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Sandy wanted to smack himself in the head. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He should have left her room to talk to Caleb.

"Honey," Sandy said slowly. "Calm down, okay? Don't get yourself all worked up."

"Sandy," Kirsten said equally as slowly. "Tell me what the hell is going on. Did my father kill Dave Atwood?" Sandy sighed and sat down heavily in the chair next to her bed and took her hand in his.

"He didn't kill him, exactly," Sandy said cryptically and Kirsten, as he knew she would, pulled her hand away frustrated.

"What does that mean? Exactly?"

"He set it up. I don't know how exactly he did, but as far as I can tell, he paid off some people to make it look like Dave was killed by in a police shootout."

"Did he tell you this?" Kirsten asked. Her eyes were wide with shock and Sandy told himself one more time what an idiot he was. His main goal in life was to protect his wife and sons. To make things better for all three. But somehow in the past few days, he had failed at that miserably. He had failed to protect Kirsten physically, and now he was failing to protect her emotionally. She adored her father. It was going to kill her that he had done something this terrible. Sure, he had done it for her, but Sandy knew that wasn't going to make a difference to her.

"Well, when I confronted him about it he said that I was crazy..."

"Of course he did! Of course you are!" Kirsten interrupted. No, her father was capable of many things, but she truly believed that he was not capable of murder.

"Honey, let me finish. When he was leaving, he said something about people will do anything if you give them the right incentive." Kirsten covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head slightly.

"You think he did it?"

"Yes, I do," Sandy said. "For you. I think he did it for you. I always said that I would kill for you too, but Caleb just sort of beat me to the punch." He tried to smile a little, but she was staring a point straight ahead, and Sandy saw the distance in her eyes. He took her hand and held it tightly.

"You wouldn't have...." She said softly. "But he did. Oh God. _Oh God_." Tears began to stream down her face. Sandy placed a gentle hand on her face to try to wipe away her tears. "I'm going to be sick." Sandy had just enough time to grab a bucket before Kirsten began to throw up. She clutched at her side, and Sandy was terrified that she would pull out her stitches again. He held her hair back and rubbed her back. She fell back against the bed exhausted.

"Honey, please calm down," Sandy pleaded.

"He killed someone," Kirsten sobbed as Sandy sat down on the bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her. Sandy held her close and stroked her hair.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered in her ear.

"How?" She asked turning to him, tears still running down her face. "My father paid to have a man killed." Sandy didn't know what else to say, so he didn't say anything, he just held her and waited for her tears to subside.

"Sandy," Kirsten said suddenly.

"What sweetheart?"

"Ryan can't know about this. He can't ever find out," she insisted. "It's too much. It's too much for anyone to have to deal with it. Promise me that you will do everything that you can to make sure that he doesn't find out."

"I promise," Sandy whispered. "He won't ever find out."

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Caleb came into the hospital with a bouquet of flowers for his daughter. Sandy had told Julie when she called that Kirsten could go home the next day. Caleb had breathed a sigh of relief when this was announced. His daughter could go home.

He did not regret what he had done. That man had hurt Kirsten, and that was just not acceptable. No one touched a hair on either of Caleb Nichol's daughters' heads. So he had gotten in touch with some of the high officials in the police force that he knew. It was easy to get a gun into Dave Atwood's possession, much easier than Caleb thought it would be. He had every intention of having someone slip it into Dave's pockets later, but Dave had taken care of it for him. Somehow he had gotten the gun in the time from when he left his house and the time that he was gunned down. This fact also made Caleb even more relieved that he had taken the initiative. Would Dave have gone back to Kirsten and Sandy's house? Caleb didn't want to have to take that chance.

He arrived at Kirsten's door and knocked lightly and found Sandy holding Kirsten's hand as they talked quietly.

"Dad," Kirsten looked surprised to see him. Hadn't he told Sandy that he was going to come visit her? Hadn't Sandy passed that message along?

"Kiki, how are you feeling?" Kirsten fought an internal battle inside herself. Did she say something to her father? Or did she pretend that she didn't know? But how could she pretend that she didn't know?

"Fine now," she answered shortly.

"Did I miss something?" Caleb asked picking up immediately on his daughter's icy demeanor towards him. "Have I done something wrong?" Sandy closed his eyes. This was not going to be pretty.

"Funny you should ask," Kirsten said. "You killed Dave Atwood? Dad, how could you?" Caleb shot a look at Sandy, and then turned back to his daughter.

"I didn't," Caleb said feigning innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what your husband told you, but I did not have anyone killed."

"Dad," Kirsten said softly. "How could you?"

"I didn't," Caleb kept his cool. "But if I had, I can tell you why. For you. Because he hurt you. Because you ended up in the hospital and we were all afraid that we would lose you. Because you are your mother, and I miss her, and I couldn't stand to have to live without you. None of us could live without you. And so if I had anything to do with his death, I would not regret it. You are the most important thing in the world to me, to Sandy, to your sons, and the man who hurt you, who made us have to imagine a world without you, deserved whatever he had coming to him. So no, Kirsten, I didn't, but if I had something to do with it, it would be because of those reasons, because of you." Both Kirsten and Sandy were rendered speechless.

"I'm sorry," Kirsten finally spoke up. "I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you Sandy when you told me to turn around. I'm sorry that a man is dead because I'm stubborn. I'm sorry that I don't believe that you had nothing to do with it Dad, and I'm sorry that you had to that." Kirsten began to cry and buried her head in her hands. "I'm sorry for Ryan, and I'm sorry for you Dad, and I'm sorry Sandy that you had to deal with all of this. This is my fault." Sandy moved closer to her and pulled her into his arms.

"It's not your fault," Sandy whispered as he held her. "You did what you thought was right. You didn't expect any of this to happen." Caleb moved closer to his daughter and placed a hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry Daddy," Kirsten sobbed as Sandy released her into Caleb's arms. Caleb ran a hand up and down her back and held his daughter as she wept.

"Don't be sorry," Caleb whispered. "If I do it all again, I wouldn't change anything. Please, don't be sorry. I have...to...I have to go." He handed her back to Sandy and left in a hurry.

"You must have been so scared," Kirsten said as she calmed down. Sandy held her tightly. "God, I'm so sorry."

"I was out of my mind," Sandy admitted. "But it's okay. You're okay now. None of what followed was your fault. You did the right thing. We needed to get Ryan out of that house, and you got him out of that house."

"But his father....and my father...." She trailed off, and Sandy noticed that though she was done crying, she was still shaking. He rubbed her back and pushed her hair from off her face.

"Please stop shaking baby," he pleaded. "It's okay, okay? It's all okay now." And it was the first time that Sandy realized that Ryan wasn't the only one who would have some serious mental and emotional obstacles to overcome.

He had been so busy worrying about Ryan's emotional stability, that he didn't even notice that Kirsten's usually strong exterior was breaking down.

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Ryan started to head out to the pool house when Seth's voice stopped him.

"Where you going buddy?" Seth asked.

"The pool house," Ryan answered.

"No, nope, the pool house is so four weeks ago," Seth answered. "Instead, we have a lovely room upstairs prepared for your arrival." Ryan stopped. They wanted him to move inside the house?

"What?"

"Mom said that she wanted you inside when she got home," Seth said shrugging. "And right now, Dad is so happy that she's okay that he would do anything for her, not that that's not normal, he will always do anything for her. But no, she's milking the sickness, not that I can blame her, I would too. But not the point, the point is that Dad called on the way home and said that you were to have the bedroom next to mine and that sometime soon, after all the madness calms down, we can go out and pick out new furniture for it and new paint." Ryan was still in shock. A bedroom in the house?

"Your mom said that she wanted me inside?" Ryan asked disbelieving.

"Dude, she was adamant about it. She said that the pool house was for guests, and that you were her son and she was not going to have her son in the pool house." Seth shrugged it off, but the words kept swimming around Ryan's head. Her son. She called him her son. She had almost died protecting him, and now she was calling him her son. "Is this okay with you?" Seth asked not seeing much of a readable reaction on Ryan's face. "Cause I know that she's all frail and stuff still and we should tend to her every whim, but if you want your privacy or something and want to stay in the pool house then we can tell her no."

"No, no, don't tell her no. It's fine," Ryan said. Seth nodded and led the way up the stairs to the room next to his.

"Like I said, Dad said that we can go out and pick out new paint and stuff," Seth said looking into the spare bedroom.

"This is fine," Ryan said waving a hand around. He had a room inside the house. Where Kirsten had wanted him. It occurred to him that he always ended up where Kirsten wanted him. When he first arrived it was the pool house, and now it was here. Inside the house. With his family.

"Dude, it's pink. No way is this fine. Pink is girly."

"But it's not an awful shade of pink," Ryan tried to argue.

"It's still pink. There is no good shade of pink." Ryan looked at Seth and raised an eyebrow.

"Really, Seth, you need to think outside the lines of stereotypical gender roles," Ryan teased. He placed the first box and pulled out a framed picture. He set it on top of the dresser.

He smiled as he glanced at it. The Chrismakkah picture for the cards that Kirsten insisted on sending out, even though Sandy and Seth had whined continuously for days.

"Please Mom, no! No holiday cards! No, no, no!"

"Seth, come on, we have to send out holiday cards, it's what people do."

"So let's go against the norm, let's be rebels. Don't you want to be a rebel Dad?" Seth spun around and looked at Sandy for some back up.

"Yes, son I want to be a rebel. If being a rebel means that I don't have to pose for a Chrismakkah card." Kirsten had moved over to where her husband was sitting and reading the paper and leaned down and kissed his neck.

"But I thought that I could be leaning back against you with your arms around me," Kirsten started as she kissed his neck. "By the fireplace, and then after the picture was taken, maybe we could go upstairs and...."

"Mom!" Seth cried out. "Please! We'll take the picture okay? Just...don't talk anymore." Seth shuddered.

"I'm going to go upstairs, and maybe pick out what I'm going to wear," she said kissing Sandy's neck one more time. "Maybe you'd like to join me?"

"I'm coming," Sandy answered quickly. When Kirsten smirked and left the room, Seth glared at his father.

"Dad! What happened to being a rebel?"

"Son, there are some things more important than being a rebel. And your mother waiting upstairs for me, is one of those things."

Ryan laughed looking at the picture now.

"What are you laughing at?" Seth asked dropping off the next box of clothes.

"Nothing," Ryan said turning around. Just laughing about something my family did, he added mentally in his head.

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So Kirsten's falling apart? Hmmm, intriguing. Please review and let me know what you thought! You guys are super duper awesome!


	19. How are your dreams?

Hello all! This has been like the worst week ever school wise. I had three exams, two quizzes, and a seven page paper due. Ahh. So in order to keep my sanity, I finished this chapter. I've decided to drop out of college and become a bum. I even have a box picked out and everything. Yeah, it was that bad of a week. But it's almost over! So that's something at least, right? Right. The week wasn't a total loss, though, my best friend, who goes to school far, far away, sent me a card and a "Don't worry you don't suck at life" (her words exactly) care package! She's the best. And so are you guys! Thanks for reviewing.

HateToSayIToldYouSo: A four year old who wears makeup? That's awesome! And I'm a blunt object? Um...thanks? I think? And mmm, minty drinks at Starbucks. Right now they have caramel apple cider, and I drank it and just about died and went to heaven.

Storymom: Daddy-O and Locked-up-to-dry-out Mama made me laugh. Out loud. And my roomate gave me a really strange look.

Disclaimer: the characters are not mine.

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The phone rang and Seth looked up from where he was wiping down the counter, and Ryan glanced up from where he was vacuuming and they both dove for it. Ryan got there first.

"Hello? Hi. We're just cleaning like you asked....yes, even Seth is cleaning. You're right. It is an amazing sight. We should document it. I didn't know that he knew how to work the dishwasher either," Ryan smirked at Seth who rolled his eyes.

"Just because I don't like doing chores doesn't mean I can't," Seth retorted. "Give me some credit."

"So how far?" Ryan asked ignoring Seth completely. "Okay. We'll see you in a few minutes." Summer came from the upstairs wielding a duster.

"Rosa made their bed with the sheets that Kirsten likes, and I dusted," Summer said proudly. "I've never dusted before."

"We're all very proud," Seth answered kissing his girlfriend. "So what's their ETA?"

"Sandy said that they were about five minutes away," Ryan answered placing the phone back in its cradle. It had been Seth's idea to clean the entire house for his mother's arrival. Ryan figured it was because Seth felt helpless and wanted to do something for his mom, even if it was something as pointless as dusting the bookshelves. Seth hated when things were out of his control, and this was one way that little things could be under his control. Ryan figured he got that from his father. This overwhelming need to control everything. Then again, he could have gotten it from Kirsten too. She seemed to like having things go her way.

They heard a car door close, and Ryan put away the vacuum quickly, and Seth hurriedly placed the washcloth in the sink and Marissa came in from where she was dusting the pool house (which Ryan found really unnecessary. Kirsten never went into the pool house, but when he pointed this out, Marissa had argued that they should have everything perfect for Kirsten, and Ryan just gave up). The four headed into the front hall, and opened the door and watched as Sandy hopped out of the car and then headed back over to the passenger side where he gingerly helped his wife out.

"Aw, look how gentle he's being with her," Summer said sighing.

"Girls," Seth muttered. Sandy placed a hand on Kirsten's back and with the other hand closed the car door and then slowly led her to the front door. Her hand was clutching her side, and they could tell that she was still in a great amount of pain. A familiar feeling of guilt crept up on Ryan, and he shook it away.

"Hey guys," Kirsten said when she noticed the four kids standing in the doorway looking at her expectantly.

"Do you need anything Mrs. Cohen?" Marissa asked immediately.

"Tea Mom? Water? Anything?" Seth asked.

"How about a book?" Summer suggested. "Or your laptop?" Kirsten looked at Sandy, and he jumped in and saved her.

"Why don't we let her get upstairs and into bed and then you guys can get her what she needs?" Sandy suggested.

"Thanks guys," Kirsten added as an afterthought as Sandy led her to the stairs. "Can we just stop for a second?" They heard her ask Sandy. Kirsten closed her eyes and then took a deep breath. Sandy didn't waste a second. He instead scooped her into his arms carefully and continued the rest of the way to their bedroom holding her in his arms.

"Oh my God," Marissa breathed as soon as they had left the room. "I want someone to love me like that."

"I know!" Summer squealed and Seth shared a pained look with Ryan. "Seriously, he loves her so much!"

"Ew. They're my parents," Seth reminded them.

"They're adorable," Summer argued back. "And come on, they're still people. They still have sex and cry and were once our age too."

"They are not people! They were not our age once! And they Do. Not. Have. Sex.," Seth said appalled. Marissa giggled and she glanced at Ryan who was just shaking his head.

"Let's go and see if she needs anything," he suggested and they all trooped up to Sandy and Kirsten's bedroom.

Kirsten was settled back into the pillows, and Ryan was pleased to note that she looked better. Whether it was that she was really getting better, or that she was just happy to be home, he wasn't sure, but still, she looked better.

"Need anything?" He asked.

"Some water maybe?" Kirsten asked.

"On it," Seth said hurrying away.

"And oh! My book that is sitting on the living room table," she added biting her lip.

"All me," Summer said scooting by Ryan. Sandy bit his tongue to keep from laughing.

"Could you also grab my laptop?" Kirsten asked.

"I'll get it," Marissa told Ryan and hurried away leaving Ryan alone with Kirsten and Sandy.

"Hey kid, we wanted to talk to you anyway," Sandy said. "I don't know if you know this, but your Dad's funeral is on Friday. We were just wondering if you wanted to go....or..."

"I want to go," Ryan said almost immediately. "But you guys don't have to. Especially you Kirsten. Don't worry about it."

"No," Kirsten said. "We're going. I want to go, Ryan."

"Okay," Ryan said finally and bit his lip. "Thank you."

"It's not a problem sweetie," Kirsten said. Sandy walked over and clapped a hand on Ryan's back.

"We're all here for you." At this moment, Seth came running in with his mother's water and in his hurry to hand it to her, spilled some on her instead.

"Oh God, Mom, I am so sorry. Let me get that for you!"

"Seth, really it's okay," Kirsten said laughing a little. Summer was next, she held out Kirsten's book for her, which Kirsten took and thanked her. And Marissa came in with the laptop which Seth insisted on hooking up for her. Kirsten just looked helplessly at Sandy through all of this, and Sandy grinned back at her and shrugged.

It was good to have her home, he thought to himself. Maybe things would be better now that she was home. Maybe things could be normal.

Just maybe.

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Sandy woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Kirsten crying. He had been holding her in his arms, but when he woke up, she was curled on the other side of the bed sobbing her heart out.

"Honey? What's the matter?" He asked sitting up. Kirsten rolled around and faced him.

"I don't know," she sobbed into his chest as he pulled her near him. "I just...I can't....how can I look at my father again knowing what he did?"

"Honey, he claims that he didn't," Sandy whispered. He knew he shouldn't have told her the truth. He knew that she couldn't handle it. Why hadn't he listened to that little voice inside that told him that telling her would only hurt her? He felt like such an idiot. And his heart broke to hear her cry.

"So I just pretend that I don't know that he did?" Kirsten asked.

"Yes." He kissed her the top of her head. "I think that's what you need to do."

"I don't know if I can."

"You need to try," Sandy said. "As much as I would love to, we can't cut your father out of our lives. It pains me to admit it, but he loves you, and Seth. And you work for him, with him. If you can't pretend that he didn't do it, then at least try to forgive him, or at least live with the knowledge that this is what he has done." Sandy ran a soothing hand down her back.

"And Ryan doesn't know?" Kirsten was calming down, and for that Sandy was thankful.

"No," Sandy said firmly. "Ryan doesn't know. And he won't know. Ever." Kirsten nodded and Sandy eased them both into a laying position.

"I'm sorry," Kirsten said after a few minutes of silence. "I just...it's....hard."

"It's a lot for anyone to handle," Sandy said. "I don't blame you for reacting the way that you did."

"I'm going to try," Kirsten said. "To move on. To get over this. I'm going to try to forgive him like you said." Sandy dropped another kiss on the top of her head.

"I know. And it will be hard, but we're going to be okay. All of us. We're all going to be okay."

"Yeah," Kirsten said as she shut her eyes. "We're going to be okay."

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Friday morning, everyone was dressed in black and standing around the kitchen waiting for Kirsten. She was, of course, the last one to be ready.

"What is taking her so long?" Seth whined.

"I told you, it's a mystery to me what goes on in that bathroom," Sandy said shrugging. "However, you know she's still in pain. Leave her alone."

"But..."

"Seth, not a word."

"Fine," Seth said huffily. It was true. Kirsten was still moving a little slower because she still hadn't fully recovered. She appeared in the kitchen and smiled at her boys.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Yes," Seth said exasperated.

"Seth," Sandy said in a warning tone.

"Did I miss something?" Kirsten asked looking from her husband to her son.

"Not a thing," Ryan said starting towards the door. He hooked his arm in Kirsten's and they made their way to the driveway. Sandy and Seth followed behind, and Sandy took the opportunity to smack his son in the back of his head. Ryan helped Kirsten into the car and then jumped into the backseat.

The ride to the cemetery was mostly silent, except for the random comment thrown in by either Seth or Sandy. They pulled up and Kirsten's face lost all of it's color when she saw Dawn standing near the grave. Somehow she had forgotten that Dawn would be there. She didn't know why she didn't think of it before. Dave had been her husband.

"It's okay," Sandy said soothingly as he took her hand. "She's not allowed to come anywhere near you."

"What about Ryan?" Kirsten asked.

"She's going to stay away from him too," Sandy assured her. The four made their way to the grave and Dawn glanced up when they came forward.

"Ry," she said and started towards him.

"Hi," he said quietly and took a step backwards. Dawn stopped and bit her lip.

"Aren't you going to come say hello to me?" She asked softly. Ryan didn't answer and Sandy motioned for the priest to start the ceremony, placing one arm around Kirsten's waist, and the other on Ryan's shoulders in an attempt to keep them both calm. Dawn huffily moved away from the Cohens and to the other side of the casket.

At the end when Dawn walked away, Ryan turned to face Sandy.

"Can I just...be alone for a minute?"

"Sure," Sandy told him and then took Kirsten's hand again and led her and Seth away.

"So I was thinking we could stop for something to eat on the way home. Maybe the Crab Shack?" Seth suggested.

"Seth, do you ever think about anything other than food?" Kirsten asked exasperated.

"Yes."

"Besides comics too," she added.

"Yes." Sandy rolled his eyes and then watched as Ryan walked towards them slowly.

"You okay kid?" Sandy asked when Ryan reached them.

"Yeah. I'm okay. So how about we go get something to eat?"

"See!" Seth said smugly. "Someone else was thinking about food too. I knew I liked you for a reason, Ryan." The two of them walked ahead of Kirsten and Sandy and Kirsten shook her head and smiled slightly.

"Hey, you okay?" Sandy asked. Kirsten shrugged.

"Yeah, I mean....I will be. We're all going to be I think." Sandy smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I would have to agree," he said as they walked to the car. "We're going to be just fine."

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So I was thinking maybe one more chapter, to wrap things up, but only if you guys want one more chapter. Let me know. Reviews are a necessity of life. Like breathing. And chocolate.


	20. To whom should I write

So yeah, this is the last chapter. I've started another fic, a lighter one, that I'll try to get up sometime soon, but please review one last time and tell me what you thought of the end of this. And I'll say it one last time, you people rock! Seriously, you're all awesome! Or how you thought about the whole thing in general. It would make my day! Oh, I just saw _Garden State_ last night, and it is amazing, and I recommend it highly to everyone. It's my pick for the week. Anyway, review please!

HateToSayIToldYouSo: Yeah, I'm a big fan of the phrase "You suck at life." Use it all the time. And thank you, thank you, thank you for your awesome reviews! I hope that this lives up to your expectations.

Disclaimer: We'll go over this one last time people: the characters are not mine.

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Sandy bolted awake and when he heard the screaming. The door to their bedroom flew open and both Ryan and Seth stood there rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.

"What's the matter?" Seth asked sleepily. "Is Mom okay?"

"She's having a nightmare," Sandy said leaning over his wife and shaking her gently awake. She was sweating, and she woke up with a start and clutched at her chest.

"Oh my God," she breathed as she tried to regain her senses.

"Honey, it's okay," Sandy said as he ran a hand over her back. "It's okay, you were just having a nightmare."

This was not an uncommon occurrence anymore. Kirsten averaged at about two nightmares a week. Screaming, sweating, awful nightmares that woke the entire family up.

"I'm sorry," she said looking at her sons in the doorway. "Go back to bed guys, I'm so sorry." Sandy's hand was still on her back and she closed her eyes and sighed and then reopened them. Seth and Ryan looked at her warily and then turned and went back to bed.

Sandy had known that it would be hard for them all to readjust, but he had thought it would be Ryan having the nightmares, and not Kirsten, and he had been sure that they would have stopped after a few weeks.

It had now been three months, and there seemed to be no chance that they were going to cease happening.

"I've been thinking," Kirsten said quietly. "That maybe I should go back to Dr. Stein." Dr. Stein. God, Sandy hadn't thought about Dr. Stein in years. That was the therapist that Kirsten had begun to see when her mother died and she had an emotional breakdown. Seth had been only five and Sandy had come home to find him on the counter getting out the peanut butter and jelly. Kirsten had been no where in sight.

"What are you doing buddy? Where's Mommy?" Sandy asked picking up his son off the counter.

"I'm trying to make dinner," Seth explained earnestly. "Mommy's in the bathroom. She's crying, Daddy." Sandy placed Seth in the living room and turned on cartoons.

"Stay here, Seth, while I go talk to Mommy, okay? I'll make dinner," Sandy hurried upstairs to their bedroom and found Kirsten shaking and crying on the bathroom floor. Sandy had dropped to his knees and pulled her into his arms.

"Kirsten, honey? Are you okay?"

"She left, why'd she leave? I need her still. I need her," Kirsten didn't even register that Sandy was there. "I need her." Another burst of hysteric tears.

"Kirsten," Sandy had said shaking her slightly. When this did nothing, he shook her a little harder.

"Sandy," Kirsten seemed to snap out of it. "Oh God, where's Seth?" She jumped out of Sandy's arms and began bounding the stairs as Sandy hurriedly followed. She ran into the living room and picked her son up and stroked his hair.

"Mommy, what are you doing? Spiderman is on!" Seth argued. Kirsten placed kisses all over his head and then finally placed him back on the couch. Sandy led her into the kitchen.

"I'm an awful mother," Kirsten said. "I just broke down and left him all by himself." Sandy assured her that she wasn't an awful mother. "I just...I don't know how to do this. Any of this. I don't know how to live without her." It was then decided that Kirsten should go talk to someone, and Dr. Stein was recommended when Sandy asked around. And he helped, Kirsten pulled herself back together and went to work for her father and stopped going to see Dr. Stein.

But now, these nightmares that she was having weren't disappearing and Sandy had to agree that it might be a good idea for her to go see Dr. Stein.

Fortunately for all of them, Ryan still didn't know of Caleb's involvement in his father's death, even if he had commented on Kirsten's cold shoulder towards her father as of late.

"I'll call tomorrow and make you an appointment," Sandy promised. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?" Kirsten nodded biting her lip. Sandy placed his arms around her and tried to get some sleep himself, knowing that until his wife could sleep through an entire night, he wouldn't be getting much sleep either.

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"Did you make it?" Kirsten asked softly as they were eating breakfast the next morning.

"Yes, for 11:30," Sandy said. "Do you want me to go with you?" Kirsten shook her head.

"No, you don't have to, I can go by myself," Kirsten assured him.

"Are you sure?" Sandy's forehead wrinkled as he frowned, a sure sign that he didn't believe her.

"Yes, I'm fine by myself," Kirsten said one more time in a tone that Sandy knew meant that she wasn't going to talk about it anymore.

"Where are you going?" Seth asked curiously looking up from his bowl of cereal. Trust Seth to pry into any conversation that he wasn't a part of.

"No where," Kirsten answered. Seth raised one eyebrow and looked from his father to his mother.

"Then why are you arguing about whether or not Dad's going to go with you to this no where?" He asked. Now Ryan was paying attention to them too, and Kirsten sighed.

"No where, as in it's none of your business," she told her son.

"But..."

"It's none of your business Seth," Sandy said placing his plate in the sink. "If your mother wanted to tell you then she would." Seth frowned and opened his mouth to say something back, but a glare from his father, and a kick in the shins from Ryan stopped him.

"Fine," Seth muttered as he got up and placed his bowl in the sink. "I didn't really want to know anyway. I was just trying to be polite and make conversation. But if you don't want to make conversation with me, well that's just fine. See if I care." Ryan got up and grabbed his book bag.

"I can drive you guys to school," Sandy offered as he gave his wife a kiss goodbye. "If you change your mind....."

"I won't."

"But if you do..."

"I'll call you." Kirsten leaned in and gave him another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you more," Sandy told her with a smile and then called out to Seth to get into the car and Kirsten was left alone. She had a small smile on her face knowing that Seth would drive Sandy crazy the entire ride to school. She had taken the day off to go to the appointment, knowing that it would be emotionally exhausting and the last person she wanted to deal with before or after was her father.

About an hour before she was supposed to leave, she panicked. Why hadn't she agreed to let Sandy come with her? She was being stubborn, and now she had to go alone. She didn't want to go alone. She wanted someone there. She wanted Sandy there. She picked up the phone and began to dial his number and then hurriedly placed the phone back in the receiver. She could do this.

No, no she couldn't. She picked up the phone again and waited as it rang.

"Sandy Cohen's office?" His secretary Joan answered.

"Hi, this is his wife," Kirsten said. "May I speak to Sandy?"

"Sure, hold on," Joan said placing Kirsten on hold as she buzzed her boss.

"Mr. Cohen? Your wife is on the phone."

"Put her through," Sandy said. He glanced at the clock, she was supposed to be leaving soon, wasn't she? "Kirsten? Honey? What's the matter?"

"I can't do this."

"Oh honey."

"No, I can't do this Sandy. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want it to go away. If I pretend, then it will go away."

"No, honey, it won't. Do you want me to come home and take you?"

"You're at work," she pointed out. "No, it's fine. I can do this myself." She didn't let him argue, she just hung up. Sandy knew her better than that. He grabbed his keys, told his secretary that he would be back in a few hours, and hurried home.

He found Kirsten standing in their foyer, her coat on, and her keys in her hand, willing herself to go.

"Sandy!" She said when the door flew open and he came in. "What are you doing here? I said that I could do this."

"Is that why you haven't moved in ten minutes?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"How did you know that?"

"I know you," he told her.

"Right," she gave him a small smile. "I was about to leave."

"Right, but now that I'm here, why don't I go with you?" He came closer and took the keys out of her hands. "I'll drive." Kirsten nodded and let Sandy lead her out to the car and they drove in silence to the doctor's office.

"I could have done this alone," Kirsten said stubbornly as they walked to the door of the place.

"I know."

"I mean it Sandy."

"I know."

"I would have moved eventually."

"I know." He slipped his hand into hers, and leaned over and kissed her temple.

"But I'm glad you're here," the last part was said softly and he almost didn't think he had heard it.

"I know."

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The nightmares stopped after a month of Kirsten talking with Dr. Stein and working things out. Ryan was the first one to comment on that lack of being woken up at four in the morning. He and Kirsten were the only ones in the kitchen making themselves breakfast. Sandy was surfing, and Seth was still trying to get himself ready for school.

"You haven't had a nightmare in awhile," he said as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

"No, I guess I haven't," Kirsten said smiling.

"Good," Ryan said nodding. "Not just because we can sleep through the night now, but for you too. It's good that you aren't having them anymore." Kirsten walked over to him and placed her arm around his shoulders.

"Thank you," she said giving his shoulders a squeeze. "You better hurry up, you're going to be late for school." Ryan nodded. He got up and started to walk towards the door, but paused and turned back around.

"My mother wrote to me," he said. Kirsten spun back around and tried to keep her composure.

"She did?"

"Yeah. She said that she was sorry, and to tell you sorry too. She also said..." Ryan wasn't sure if he should admit this part of the letter to Kirsten, but he did anyway. "She said that she doesn't think that Dad's death was coincidental."

"What do you mean?" Kirsten's voice was small and Ryan knew immediately that he had hit the nail on the head.

"She thinks that someone set him up," Ryan explained.

"He was killed in a police shoot-out," Kirsten's face had now gone white.

"I know, but she thinks that someone paid some people off to make it look like it was an accident. She thinks that they meant to kill him." Kirsten was quiet for a minute, trying to wrap her mind around this, trying to think of the appropriate response.

"And what do you think?" She asked.

"I think...." Ryan was also thinking his answers through, and Kirsten could see his brain trying to come up with exactly what he wanted to say. "I think that even if someone did have something to do with his death, there's no way to really find out. I don't think that I really want to know. I think maybe I'm better off not knowing." Kirsten discreetly let out the breath that she was holding.

"Trust me sweetie," she said. "Sometimes ignorance is bliss." Ryan crossed over to where she was and wrapped his arms around her in an impromptu hug. Kirsten was surprised, to say the least, but quickly recovered and hugged back.

"I'm glad that you aren't having the nightmares anymore," he whispered. "And I'm glad that I don't know what caused them. But mostly, I'm just glad that I'm home, and it's all over." Kirsten nodded and he let her go just as abruptly as he had hugged her and walked out of the kitchen. Kirsten stood there shell shocked for a few minutes. Tears were falling down her face, and this was how Sandy found her when he came in.

"Kirsten? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said smiling at him. "I'm okay." She would tell him about the conversation with Ryan that she had, but for now, she just let him wrap her in his arms and hold her tightly to him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she told him kissing his cheek. "I'm sure." Seth came breezing into the kitchen.

"Dad. Hands off the Kirsten please. It's too early in the morning," he complained. Sandy laughed. Ryan came back in with his backpack on.

"Who's driving us today?" He asked. There was no trace of the boy who had just hugged Kirsten a few minutes before. He instead looked like a normal teenage boy who didn't want to have to take the bus to school. "Because Marissa can't, she left early to work on a project."

"Yeah, and Summer's not going to school today, something about a personal health day. And no way are we taking the Loser Cruiser," Seth added. Kirsten looked at Sandy and shrugged.

"I can take them?" She offered.

"Or I'll drop you off at work and they can take the Range Rover," Sandy said.

"The second one is much preferable," Seth told his parents.

"Fine," Kirsten said fishing through her purse for her keys. "Be careful though okay?"

"Careful is my middle name," Seth assured her. "Hand over the keys." She handed them instead to Ryan and Seth feigned insult. Sandy slipped his arm around his wife and the four of them headed out towards the cars. As Ryan climbed into the driver's seat and Seth climbed into the passenger seat mumbling about the inherent injustice of it all, he glanced over at Kirsten and gave her a large smile.

She was right. He didn't want to know what had really happened the day that his father died. It was better this way. Ignorance was bliss.

And family, being in a family, especially being in a crazy, wonderful family like the Cohens, that was bliss too.

Ryan decided as they pulled out and headed towards Harbor that things were definitely looking up. He was home, he was happy, and he had a great family.

Not bad for a kid from Chino.

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Ah, it's done. I hope that you guys liked it. I thought very long and hard about Ryan knowing or not knowing what had happened with his father and Caleb, and decided that if it was me, I would not want to know, even if I had some idea of it. I hope that you guys agree with me. If not....well, I could send you a cookie and make you reconsider your position on the whole thing? Review please and let me know how you liked it!


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